


office affairs

by seonho



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Lee Taeyong, Dirty Talk, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Getting Together, Light Angst, M/M, Open Relationships, Polyamory Negotiations, Switch Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung, Switch Suh Youngho | Johnny, Threesome - M/M/M, but it's, so worry not!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:20:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 41,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25835641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seonho/pseuds/seonho
Summary: It doesn’t really matter at this point. All Johnny knows is that Taeyong is dating Doyoung, and that he’s seeing Taeyong. What they have doesn’t hold a label, but after seven months there’s more than just sex but perhaps less than something more.It’s a tight line — they fuck, they cuddle, they go on dates, theylove.They’re not boyfriends though. That’s for Doyoung, and Johnny tries his best not to obsess over it too much.
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Taeyong, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 161
Kudos: 570





	1. as much as you can give

**Author's Note:**

> i've been working on this fic on and off for about a year now, and it's been through a lot of changes (including in pairing) before it got here. i have most of it already written out but decided it made sense to split it into chapters, so it'll probably have fast updates as i want to finish it as soon as possible. 
> 
> i should warn you, this will be quite johnny centric, which is how i wanted to write it. i confess i'm quite attached to this characters and this story, so i really hope you guys enjoy it too. thank you! (＾▽＾)

“ _Johnny_ ,” Taeyong whines into the phone. “I’m serious, it’s been a week. Come over, I’ll even cook you dinner.”  
  
Johnny shifts on his chair, a glance to the side letting him know Jaehyun has left his desk, either to get a coffee or to give him some privacy. He hums into the phone, unable to fight a little smile for no one to see. “Is that supposed to motivate me? Yongie, you know you can’t cook.”  
  
Taeyong scoffs, almost offended. “What? I’ll have you know I made dinner for Doyoung last night and he said it was great.”

“Yes, but do I _trust_ Doyoung’s opinion?” Johnny half-jokes, and before Taeyong can get huffy about it, pushes on. “Speaking of the devil, is he not over tonight?”  
  
There’s a sigh, the younger’s tone deadpan. “I’m going to ignore that comment for your own sake. He’s a little swamped right now so he probably won’t be home until very late.”

Johnny’s eyes glance around the office almost on instinct, and they fall directly on the table placed the furthest from his. Doyoung is typing something mechanically, so fast Johnny doesn’t understand how he doesn’t get cramps, and sitting with his back so straight on his chair the older has to hold back a snicker — suits him right, for the stick up his ass. 

(Nevermind that Johnny should probably follow his example, actually — his back has been hurting more often than not lately, and even if Taeyong doesn’t usually mind being begged for a massage, he has been starting to point out the knots’ culprit is most likely Johnny’s hunched over position eight to twelve hours a day.)  
  
“Why can’t you come to my place?” Johnny nearly whines, stooping so low as to pout and know it’ll show through his voice. “The offer would be a lot more tempting if we could cuddle afterwards.”

There’s a beat of hesitance from Taeyong’s side of the line, and Johnny nearly winces at the grim feeling of regret on his chest. “I would love to, but… I don’t want Doyoung to come home to an empty apartment. It’s been a rough week.”

Johnny’s heart immediately feels that awful sting of rejection, but it’s quickly overwhelmed by guilt, knowing it’s never fair of him to put Taeyong in a position of having to choose. 

He should never ask. Johnny takes what Taeyong gives him, and he’s happy trusting that it’s as much as Taeyong can give.

“That’s ok, you can always come over another day.” Johnny chuckles, trying to lighten the mood a bit. “I’ll be around at 8pm, is that ok?”   
  
“That’s great, I’ll be waiting.” Taeyong says, and his voice softens. “I really miss you.”

Maybe Johnny is a little too tender-hearted for Taeyong, but he can’t feel embarassed by how his heart stutters on his chest. It’s been a while since they’ve gotten a chance to see each other, and it’d be a lie to say he hasn’t been craving the younger’s company and touch. “Who told you to take a vacation, huh?”  
  
Taeyong laughs, and it’s such a heartwarming sound. “Funny you mention that, I remember _someone_ telling me it was time, that I needed to relax and take some time to myself…”

“Well, whoever that was was a dumb dumb, because I really miss you too.” Johnny cheekily replies.  
  
It’s not hard to imagine Taeyong smiling at his phone, red ears because he’s always been a little weak for Johnny’s characteristic sappiness. 

“A few more hours, alright? Then I’ll kiss you and prove to you I _can_ cook.”  
  
“I can’t wait.”

It’s so much easier to work now that Johnny has something to look forward to after the end of the expedient. Jaehyun comes back with a coffee for both of them, and it takes one look at the older’s lovefool expression for him to roll his eyes and tell Johnny to send Taeyong his wishes for him to come back soon. 

The clock just hit 7pm when Johnny pulls away from his desk and computer, a long sigh after a day of productivity. He gathers his stuff and starts bidding farewell to everyone who’s hanging back, always friendly with his co-workers. 

Doyoung’s desk is just by the door, and Johnny is about to give him a polite nod of goodbye when he’s surprised by the younger’s voice calling to him. He turns around, really hoping this isn’t about any work related business when he’s about to take a break for a night. 

Doyoung looks tired, Johnny notices. His usually pristine black hair is sticking out a little, the result of running his fingers through it repeatedly, and the bags under his eyes don’t match with a man who always puts effort to appear at his very best image. The new update must be draining on him, and with Taeyong taking a vacation Johnny knows Doyoung has taken a lot of the brute workload of two people.  
  
Johnny himself isn’t that busy lately, and he probably could offer to help, did he not know that Doyoung would both refuse and probably find a way to be offended about it. 

“You’re going over to see Taeyong, aren’t you?” He asks, ever direct.  
  
“Yeah.” Johnny replies, short. 

Doyoung nods, not letting anything show in his expression, and pushes forward a small box. “Can you bring this for him? It’s cake.”  
  
Johnny raises his eyebrows, but upon looking at the box, he can see the inscription of Taeyong’s favorite bakery, three streets down from their office. He takes the box, but can’t help but ask. “Can’t _you_ give it to him when you get home?”  
  
“I don’t know how much longer I’ll take and I don’t want the buttercream to melt.” Doyoung explains, rolling his eyes a little. It’s itches at Johnny, that even when he’s clearly asking for a favor the younger still finds a way to be an ass about it. “By the way, it’s for _Taeyong_ — ”  
  
Johnny huffs out an exhausted laugh, annoyed. “Don’t worry Doyoung, I’m not going to eat your cake.”  
  
Doyoung shrugs, completely unaffected. “Alright. Thank you.”  
  
It’s all he says before he goes back to his computer, clearly ending the conversation, and Johnny fights the urge to offer one last comment. He doesn’t want to ruin his good mood, and Doyoung is obviously not exactly at his best right now — there’s no fun in fighting like that.  
  
He just takes the cake, waves one last goodbye to everyone and shoots a text to Taeyong to let him know he’s on his way. 

It’s a rather simple arrangement, when it comes down to it.  
  
It starts with Taeyong. All tiny and adorable, brown hair with blond highlights and face full of smiles as Mark introduces him to the rest of the office as the newest hire. The tip of his ears are red, presumably due to embarassment, but he still goes by each of the desks and talks to everyone, easygoing and eager to fit in. He’s _beautiful_ , and Johnny is almost embarrassed at how he blanks out for a second when the younger beams at him for the first time.  
  
Or maybe, it starts with Doyoung. Mildly joking jabs at each other by the coffee machine, and hours long arguments on the meeting rooms. Getting under each other’s skin and never seeing eye to eye for longer than a week, making the entire team walk in eggshells on cold wars fought across desks. 

Perhaps, it starts with both of them, when Johnny watches Taeyong kiss Doyoung goodbye by his desk for the first time. 

More likely, it starts with Taeyong straddling over his thigh when the office goes out for drinks, staring down at him with hooded eyes that leave no room for doubt. In front of Doyoung, who offers nothing more than an amused roll of eyes and a nod. 

It doesn’t really matter at this point. All Johnny knows is that Taeyong is dating Doyoung, and that he’s seeing Taeyong. What they have doesn’t hold a label, but after seven months there’s more than just sex but perhaps less than something more. 

It’s a tight line — they fuck, they cuddle, they go on dates, they _love_ .  
  
They’re not boyfriends though. That’s for Doyoung, though Johnny tries his best not to obsess over it too much. 

Two days before Taeyong is set to go back to work, he makes due on his promise of coming over to Johnny’s place.  
  
Like it often is with Taeyong, Johnny isn’t particularly expecting him — he just showered and started wondering if it’s worth it to cook dinner or if he should just order in when he hears the knocking on his door.  
  
It puts a smile to his face, because the only person the doorman allows to go up without ringing him is Taeyong. He doesn’t really know if the younger planned it as a surprise or if he just forgot to text him (both equally likely possibilities), but he’s not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. 

“Fancy meeting you here.” He cheekily offers seeing the younger on his doorstep, drowning in his oversized sweatpants and hoodie, looking ready for a night in. It does things to Johnny’s heart, and it’s certainly a challenge not to pull him in immediately.  
  
Taeyong beams, raising the bags on his hands. “Thought we deserved one last peaceful night before the hellish routine comes back.”  
  
Johnny gasps, moving aside to let him in. “Are you saying seeing me everyday for 8 hours is _hellish routine_ for you?”  
  
The younger only rolls his eyes, closing the door behind him. “If it means having to see you and Doyoung at each other’s throats for half of our shift then yes.”  
  
Taeyong has to get on his tiptoes to lean up and place a peck on his lips, and the sight makes Johnny smile more than the kiss itself, though that’s very much appreciated as well. He takes the opportunity to steal a kiss to his rose scar, a self-indulgence of his, before taking the bags from the younger’s hands and walking to the kitchen.  
  
“Did you know we haven’t been in an argument once in two weeks?”  
  
“Yeah, he told me.” Taeyong laughs. “I hope it doesn’t mean you’re both just saving up energy for when I’m back.”  
  
“Jaehyun says it’s _because_ you’re not there.” Johnny chuckles. “He thinks we fight as a way to get your attention, like lions or something.”  
  
Taeyong seems to find that idea particularly funny as he cackles, placing himself on the island stool so he can keep talking as the older’s start taking the food out of containers. “Well, if that’s the case then I’m sorry to say it’s not working at all.”  
  
“Right? It’d be a terrible strategy, you always ignore us.” Johnny playfully pouts. 

They eat dinner across from each other, catching up on office gossip and how Taeyong’s visit to his parent’s place went. Johnny keeps stealing bits and pieces out of Taeyong’s plate while the younger pretends not to see it, and it’s simply _nice_ — domestic, familiar. It’s certainly much better than how Johnny expected his night to go, leaning over to steal kisses and having light hearted fun instead of eating takeout by himself on his couch.  
  
“Are you staying over?” Johnny asks once they finish, taking the plates to wash.  
  
He feels the younger’s arms circle his waist, cheek pressed against his back. He doesn’t need to turn his head to see the small smile on his face, deceitfully innocent. “All night, baby.”  
  
Johnny laughs at that, and the movement shakes Taeyong off, but not before he pinches the taller’s abs. The older hears his steps around the kitchen, tidying things up with familiarity before he speaks. “I was thinking maybe we could watch more The Office.”  
  
They’ve been slowly going through all the season’s together, and by slowly Johnny means _really slowly_ — they usually make it through two or three episodes before either one of them falls asleep or they get distracted by something else. “Are we still in the same episode?”  
  
“I _hope so_ .” Taeyong throws a dishcloth at him, and Johnny’s steals a glance back to see his suspicious face. “I haven’t watched any, have _you_ ?”  
  
“Of course not Yongie.” He chuckles, honest. “What’s the point without the commentary?” 

Taeyong seems satisfied by that, and as Johnny is almost finishing up on the sink he goes off, presumably to set things up and get some blankets. Everything is already done by the time Johnny gets back to the living room, Taeyong sitting on one of the ends of his couch tucked under their favorite fuzzy blanket Johnny bought for exactly these occasions.  
  
Their legs tangle together the moment Johnny gets on the other end of the couch, and Taeyong’s cold feet under his sweatpants makes the older wince. His glare thrown is promptly ignored by Taeyong, who only smiles sweetly before hitting play on the episode. Johnny is not one to enjoy cuddling unless it’s an aftersex thing, greatly appreciating his own space, but this is just the amount of comfortable intimacy he enjoys when having Taeyong over. 

It’s a little noisy, like it always is when they try to watch anything together and can’t shut up for a minute, but Johnny certainly enjoys it. He and Taeyong can be peaceful when they want to, but considering how little chances they have to hang out these days, it’s like they miss getting to really talk like this, even if it isn’t about anything that matters. Johnny certainly missed Taeyong’s voice, as foolish as it sounds. 

They make it through four episodes this time, and Johnny is certainly impressed. The fifth has barely just begun when he starts noticing some suspicious movement on Taeyong’s end of the couch, especifically his leg, which is no longer tucked under Johnny’s sweatpants but slowly making its way up his thigh.  
  
Pretending not to feel it is a part of the game, and Johnny doesn’t offer any reaction despite how daring the touching of the feet becomes, especially on his sensitive inner thighs. When Taeyong loses his patience however, pressing it down on his bulge and rubbing it, Johnny can’t help but let out a clipped sigh.  
  
Taeyong is staring at him with a smug little grin, and Johnny lets his body relax into the couch before raising his eyebrows in question. The younger doesn’t say anything, only presses down firmer, and Johnny should maybe be embarassed by how quickly he’s hardening under the ministrations.  
  
They’ve been doing this for quite some time, and Johnny knows Taeyong enough to not be surprised any longer when he’s like this — a little playful, eager for attention. He thrives under having Johnny watching him, melting for his touch, and it’s always a conscious decision on the older’s side if he’ll play into it or not. 

Tonight, he wants to make him work for a little bit, so instead of saying anything, Johnny only opens his legs further and turns his head around to keep watching the show. Steve Carrel’s monologue is possibly the last thing currently going through his mind, body hyperaware of how Taeyong will curl his toes over the bulge or ground his heel into it, but he’s certainly experienced enough to pretend a little. 

Taeyong only keeps it up enough to feel Johnny grow further along to being completely hard under his sweats and underwear, and then the older sees him pull back. He wants to look but doesn’t do so, instead hearing the shuffling until the blanket lifts a little and it becomes quite obvious what he’s going for. 

Johnny feels Taeyong’s hands on each of his thighs, holding himself up just a little so that he can mouth at the bulge — the few first times lightly, and then with more intention, closing his mouth around the clothed dick. Not seeing it is the biggest torture, together with having to stay still and holding the urge to twitch or buck up, but Johnny can take advantage of Taeyong’s head under the blanket to let his own tilt back, breathing heavily and biting harshly on his bottom lip. 

He feels a wet sensation on his navel, right on where his happy trail is, and realizes Taeyong is licking it. His tongue sneaks under the waistband a few times, though he seems in no rush to get it out of the way — he’s waiting, hoping for Johnny to break and do it himself, finally giving him the attention he deserves. 

Of course Johnny wants nothing less than shoving the younger’s face into his crotch, feel him use his mouth properly, but if Taeyong is a tease then Johnny is stubborn. He doesn’t usually mind being the one to fold, but a part of him just wants this to last as long as possible, to hold him over till the next time they get a chance like this. 

He can hear the breath of Taeyong’s sigh on his skin, and can’t fight the small satisfied grin at feeling him tug at the sweatpants. Johnny is not _too_ mean about it, does lift his butt a little so that it comes off easier, but that’s about all the helping he does before going back to ignoring the guy under his covers.  
  
Taeyong bites at his thigh, possibly as revenge, and Johnny laughs. It only seems to motivate the younger further, because he moves on to rubbing his entire face all over Johnny’s underwear clad dick, feeling it twitch under all the friction. It drives Johnny a little crazy, feeling him adore his cock like that, especially when he sniffs out his scent loudly and unashamedly. 

Johnny finally breaks when Taeyong latches his mouth right where the tip of his dick is, and feeling the precum already staining the underwear, sucks at it. The feeling is too much for Johnny not to buck up into it, letting out a strained and surprised noise at the back of his throat. Once he’s already gone, it’s only a second until he’s throwing the cover back, finding Taeyong’s obscene eyes twinkling up at him. 

“You dirty little thing.” He sighs, latching his hand to the soft strands of the man’s hair. “Couldn’t wait until we went to bed, huh?”  
  
Taeyong lets his cheek lay directly over Johnny’s dick, the weight of his head giving just the right amount of pressure to keep stimulating it. “What’s the fun in that?” 

Johnny groans, and tugs at Taeyong’s hair enough that his head lifts off of him. The startled moan he gets is gratifying enough, but he can’t focus on it as he sneaks a hand under his own boxers, and after one indulgent tug, pulls it over the waistband to stand straight right at Taeyong’s face. 

He’s still holding the boy’s head hanging above it, and it’s equally amusing and hot that Taeyong playfully sticks his tongue out, trying to get a lick on it. “You’re going to suck me off properly now? No more playing around?”

Taeyong can’t nod like this, but instead he lets out a smile that could honestly mean either thing. Johnny doesn’t really care for it though, not with how sensitive he’s feeling at every huff of Taeyong’s breath on his skin, so he softens up his hold and lets go. 

The younger man properly leans up on his ewbow now, and to Johnny’s relief, doesn’t waste too much time before getting his mouth latching on the tip. He playfully sucks and lets it go a few times, watching it bob and hit his face, or smearing the precum all over his lips and cheek in the most obscene of sights, but once Johnny sends him a warning glare, Taeyong finally goes down fully on him.  
  
Johnny’s low moan is drawn out and needy, and he struggles with the desire to keep watching versus how the strain on his neck makes him feel like leaning back and simply enjoying the feeling. He still chooses the previous, if only because Taeyong’s blowjobs are always quite a sight — the younger likes it wet, dirty and a little on the rougher side. 

He was once surprised at how someone as sweet as Taeyong had no peeves in getting himself disgusting in bed, but it only serves to further fuel the heat on his lower stomach now.

Taeyong doesn’t try to take him all the way, Johnny’s dick daunting enough that they rarely get to deep throat unless the younger is _truly_ stubborn about it, but just having the velvety feel on his mouth covering him and his tongue licking at all the sensitive places around his head is more than enough to get Johnny quite far along. Taeyong can probably feel how he’s twitching inside of him, so he pulls away and instead starts licking at the length of it, and while leaning on one elbow starts jerking him off quick and rough. 

Johnny comes with a groan that doesn’t fully make it out of his mouth, and watching the white spurts of cum covering Taeyong’s cheek, lips and tongue is enough of a sight that he knows it’ll spur him on for quite a few weeks.  
  
Taeyong cleans it off around his lips with his tongue, and scoups up the rest into his mouth with the same hand he was holding Johnny’s dick a second ago. Johnny only watches how Taeyong seems plenty satisfied eating it, not as much to put on a show but because he genuinely likes it, and lets out a sigh at last. 

“You came quite a lot.” Taeyong finally comments, and it’s just a statement, but paired with his little grin… he can’t wait another second before pulling him up roughly into a kiss. 

It feels good when the younger melts into it, giving up all his previous control for Johnny’s tongue to fully explore his mouth. Kissing Taeyong is always something else, noisy and hot but still tenderly passionate, like both can’t help trying to take as much of each other as they possibly can. 

Johnny sneaks a hand down to cup Taeyong’s ass, feeling the way his erection is digging into his thigh. The younger whines into his mouth, and Johnny smiles. “Bed?”  
  
“Please.”

Johnny loves what he does.  
  
Back when he was an undergrad trying to somehow make it through a gruelling and prestigious computer engineering major, he certainly didn’t expect to be working on a dating app of all places once he graduated. However, meeting Mark Lee at a frat party and proceeding to somehow give it any attention to his “haha what if we developed an app” text two weeks later has brought him on an unexpected but surprisingly fulfilling journey the last few years. 

So yeah, he likes what he gets to do. Mobile engineering is the perfect combination of getting to pour himself into coding, but also developing problem solving and quick thinking skills at the same time. Johnny is _good_ at what he does, and he’s proud to know his position on the team is more than essential. 

What he doesn’t often like, is the part where he needs to work closely with other teams.  
  
Well, that’s not fair — one specific team, and one specific _person_ from that team. Kim Doyoung from design has been a thorn on his side since the very first week of working together, back when this wasn’t even properly a thing — just a bunch of guys working out of Mark’s dorm and trying to make some spare cash — and it doesn’t appear that it’ll get better any time soon.  
  
First of all, they’re very different people. While Johnny is the carefree, figure things out as I go, working diligently but on my own terms type, Doyoung’s more so the has his shit together, planning six steps ahead, my way or the highway style. Both are valid and get the results necessary, which in the end is what matters, but trying to mix them doesn't usually make for the best consequences. 

Second, by coincidence or not, they usually have pretty opposite views when it comes to the app itself. It can be a good thing sometimes, as their discussions have lead to a lot of improvement for the product, but even the two of them can admit it gets a little out of hand sometimes. 

Like, for example, right now.  
  
“I’m _telling you_ Doyoung, this is _not_ going to work.” Johnny sighs, trying to keep his voice measured. “It’ll slow down the app considerably to the point where the new feature won’t even make sense anymore.”  
  
“And I’m telling you it _won’t_ if you just do it right, and if it does then that’s a risk worth taking if it means having something that will put us ahead by months.” 

Johnny feels the red rise of annoyance at having his competence questioned, but tells himself not to give him the satisfaction of a reaction. Doyoung knows exactly what buttons to push in order to drive him up the walls, and for better or worse, the same can be said the other way around.  
  
“What is the point of being ahead if it sacrifices quality? I thought you were the one always spilling about pushing to be our best.” 

He watches as Doyoung rolls his eyes across from him, pulling on the sleeve of his shirt as a nervous habit Johnny has noticed a long time ago. He looks perfectly put together, well dressed and with his hair framing his face like he just left a hairstylist, and Johnny will always find that amusing when the rest of the team comes to work on t-shirts and jeans _at best_. 

Before he gets a chance to reply, probably a snarky comment on how Johnny’s incapable of reaching his standards of best, Mark interrupts them. “Alright guys, that’s enough. I feel like we’re going in circles by now, and I honestly need to go to lunch. I heard you both and I understand what each of you meant so I’ll talk to some people, including the Marketing team, and I’ll get back to you.”  
  
It’s always a little unsatisfying when Mark ends their arguments before they reach their designed conclusion, usually with either of them walking off, but Johnny figures it might be for the best since he’s already behind on his work from being pulled into this stupid meeting in the first place. He’ll probably end up having to skip his lunch altogether, unless he wants to stay behind until 10 in the evening. 

He’s out before either Mark or Doyoung, a thank you smile to the previous and nothing but one last annoyed glance towards the latter, and then he’s marching off back to his table. Johnny thinks there might be waves of frustration rolling off of him at the moment, because when Jaehyun removes his headphones to take a glance at him, there’s a sympathetic wince. “Bad, huh?”

Johnny doesn’t look away from his computer, and he’s checking his emails with frankly too rough of hits on the keyboard. “The same as always, he just can’t accept things not going his way.”  
  
Jaehyun hums, agreeing (or maybe just appeasing), and it pushes Johnny to go on with his rant. “It’s like he has absolutely no trust in my opinion as an engineer at all, like he thinks I’m just holding up space here or something? Or maybe he thinks he could do better? It’s just frustrating to have your professional opinion questioned like that.” 

“Well, technically you’re questioning _his_ profession opinion too — ”  
  
Johnny is about to interrupt Jaehyun when someone else does it instead, a hand softly placed at the older’s shoulder. Johnny looks up to find Taeyong standing to his side, an apologetic smile. “Sorry for interrupting, me and Doie are going out for lunch. Do you want me to bring you something back? Or are you still going later?”

He glances a look at the glass door to the office, where Doyoung is waiting while scrolling on his phone, and it only makes Johnny further annoyed that he has to stay back and work while _he_ gets a lunch date with Taeyong. “I still have work to do, you can bring me something if it’s not a bother.”  
  
Taeyong can always feel when Johnny is a little on edge, and while he usually makes a point not to get in between the arguments of the two, he still lets his hand rub down on the older’s arm in a discreet gesture of comfort. He looks a little concerned, but doesn’t push. “It’s not at all, I’ll bring you something nice in 40 minutes or so.”  
  
The older nods, a little better after the small squeeze Taeyong gives him, and he sort of wishes he could get a peck goodbye now, just to lift his spirits. Not everyone in the office knows of their arrangement though, and there’s no point in making themselves the topic of gossip and distraction. 

Getting fully immersed back in work is easy when Johnny puts on his headphones and Mac Miller fills his ears, shutting out the rest of the office. The burning annoyance simmers away a little, and it’s almost visible in the way his shoulder’s relax and tension starts leaving the lines of his expression. Yes, Doyoung can be infuriating but it’s hardly worth it to dwell on it when there’ll likely be something else for him to roll his eyes at tomorrow. 

His concentration is interrupted by a bag being dropped right in front of him, missing his keyboard by very little and having him nearly jump back on his chair. He sees the bag of his favorite japanese place and it provides some relief, knowing at least he’ll eat something yummy to make him feel better about a shitty afternoon.  
  
He’s about to turn and thank Taeyong when he realizes the one standing beside him is obviously not the small man, which he should’ve realized by the way the food got handed off — Instead, Doyoung is the one looking down at him, a little bored but with a glint in his eyes that Johnny has come to know a little too well over the years. 

“Jaehyun had to run to a meeting and told me to give you this.” He says, glancing at the food. “It’s your favorite, we had to wait in line 15 minutes to get it.”  
  
Johnny nods, curt. “Thanks. Anything else?”  
  
Doyoung hesitates for a second, before pulling the chair on Jaehyun’s desk (currently empty) to sit down. “I’ve been thinking — ”  
  
“You can do that?”

“—and I think I have an idea to make the feature more efficient.” He ignores it, pushing on. 

There’s a petty part of Johnny that wants to snap that he doesn’t need Doyoung’s help, but at the end of the day he’s not prideful enough to ignore something that may benefit everyone. Doyoung has an Computer Engineering minor as well, and while it often means he thinks it’s ok to butt his nose into other people’s business, it can sometimes bring some clarity into problems all the team has been beating their heads against.  
  
“Go on.” Johnny offers then, and for the next fifteen or so minutes hears out Doyoung’s entire idea, the younger getting pen and paper and drawing it out for him to see. Johnny follows along while eating his lunch, and he needs to very begrudgingly admit that it _might_ work.  
  
Once Doyoung finishes he looks at Johnny, eyes round and hopeful, like in a way he’s looking for some sort of approval. The older sighs, nodding, and sees a slightly relieved but ultimately reserved smile make way to the designer’s face — he figures that it’s understandable that Doyoung would be nervous to make a fool of himself in front of _Johnny_ of all people. 

“I’ll bring this to the rest of the guys tomorrow and we’ll see, but I think it has potential.” He adds, taking Doyoung’s rough diagram drawn on the back of one of Jaehyun’s printed out reports. “Maybe you’ll get to push your update after all.”  
  
Doyoung gets up, but he’s still smiling in a sort of satisfaction. “I tend to get what I want, Suh.”  
  
Johnny snorts out a laugh. “Go on then, Christian Grey.” 

The younger’s skin is so fair, especially under the office’s fluorescent lights, that Johnny can see the exact moment his ears and neck get red — despite the innocence in which the older added such a comment. 

It still makes his stomach turn in satisfaction, watching the way Doyoung scoffs with a roll of his eyes and is leaving less than a second later. 

“I’m just finishing up, sorry.” Taeyong smiles from the doorstep, still shoeless and with his hair wet and sticking out in all sorts of directions. “Come in, I won’t take too long.”  
  
Johnny sighs fondly, stealing a peck and stepping inside anyway. Like the hopeless romantic he is, these dates are something he’s always looking forward to — the chance of going out for once after they spend so much of their time at each other’s place, getting to hold hands in public and do silly, fun things together. He treasures each of these opportunities, and to say he’s looking forward to tonight is an understatement.  
  
The apartament Taeyong shares with Doyoung always seems impeccably clean and organized whenever Johnny comes over, and the minimalist decor seems to match the couple rather well — nothing like the mess of overdecorating and clutter everywhere at his own place. His eyes look around the open space looking for something, but he’s still startled at finding it in the living room. 

Seeing Doyoung home isn’t itself much of a surprise, especially when Taeyong and Johnny are going out, but what gets Johnny to do a double take is that the designer is perched on the couch, holding a glass of wine and most prominently, wearing nothing but a red and silky bathrobe.   
  
His hesitation must be quite apparent, because Doyoung’s lips tilt to a close lipped grin before he takes another sip of his glass. The back of Johnny’s neck burns a little, and he thinks it has a lot of to do with how the unexpected sight has tilted his axis a little bit — he doesn’t quite know what to act, and yet still needs to pretend to be unaffected in a desperate protection of his own pride. 

“I’ll be out in a minute,” Taeyong says as he’s already walking back into the hallway to the bedroom. “Please don’t kill each other meanwhile.”  
  
Johnny moves as slowly as he can before sitting on the couch directly in front of Doyoung’s, and then wonders what sort of small talk he could possibly make with his co-worker slash sort of rival in this situation. A few minutes pass in silence, Doyoung watching him in what appears to be completely unbothered peace, and Johnny is almost at the point of following Taeyong to the bedroom when the younger finally speaks. 

“So, where are you two going?” Doyoung asks casually. Johnny has no option but to look at him now, and he finally notices the way the younger’s cheeks are a little flushed, likely due to the alcohol. He looks good like this, relaxed in a way Johnny’s not used to seeing. The older almost misses his eyes unconsciously running through the wide expanse of legs slipping out of the bathrobe (perched dangerously high on Doyoung’s thighs), but stops himself from letting it linger.

Johnny shrugs. “Get some street foods, drink a little. We’re not sure yet.”  
  
Doyoung makes a noise, surprised but maybe not genuinely so. “No planning ahead?”  
  
“As surprising as it might be to you, not everything needs those.” Johnny smirks a little.

He’s almost relieved at the course of this conversation, their banter a lot more comfortable to him than whatever was simmering in the air a moment ago, but instead of talking back, Doyoung just hums, and sips his drink again. The way he’s looking at Johnny right now is borderline predatory, like he’s cornering a prey to be eaten with nothing but his _presence_ . It kicks Johnny’s fight or flight instinct, and right now he’s leaning a lot towards the latter, rubbing his hands through his jeans and counting the minutes until Taeyong is back.  
  
He doesn’t know where this came from, but maybe the wine has something to do with it; Johnny can’t tell if he hopes for that or not. 

There’s a sigh of relief he can’t stop when Taeyong steps back into the room, and it’s so loud that Doyoung reacts with a snicker into his drink. Johnny is up on his feet in a second, surprising Taeyong who looks at him weirdly, and then at his boyfriend on the couch. Understanding falls over his expression, followed by a small grin and a scoff towards the latter.  
  
“We’re leaving, Doyoung.” He says, though his tone indicates he’s saying something else. “Don’t wait up for me.”  
  
Doyoung nods slowly, and his movements are so lazy that Johnny has a feeling he’ll probably fall asleep a lot earlier than the time he plans to drop Taeyong home. “Have fun, the two of you.” 

Johnny only feels the tension fully leave his body once they’re out of the apartament and stepping into the elevator, and Taeyong is looking at him with that self-satisfied grin that makes Johnny want to either pinch or kiss him — he’s still deciding.  
  
“Shut up.”  
  
Taeyong laughs now, head thrown back. “I didn’t say anything.”  
  
Johnny rolls his eyes, but pulls the younger closer anyway, arms at his waist. “You’re thinking too loud, and I don’t like it.” 

The younger only shrugs now, a little coy, and Johnny sighs. He can finally notice how pretty Taeyong looks, all dressed up for their date, and so he leans forward for a chaste peck. “You look amazing, by the way.”  
  
Taeyong smiles, leaning up for another. “I was wondering when you’d finally remember the pretty boy that is _in front_ of you.”  
  
Even if Johnny rolls his eyes, he can still feel his face heat up under the cheeky comment. It appears that the younger is having quite a bit of fun with the situation if the giggling is anything to go by, and the taller can understand — seeing Johnny become flustered like that is not a common occurrence, so he should let Taeyong have his fill.  
  
“Are we done now?” He asks once they’re on the ground floor. “Ready for _our_ date?”

Taeyong kisses at the back of his hand, and even though he's still smiling cheekily, there’s no further mention of the situation into the evening. There’s little space in Johnny’s mind for anything else that doesn’t include how much he adores one Lee Taeyong, who buys him street food and laughs at how his dumb jokes, and the engineer can’t help but think in a little relief, _that’s the way it’s supposed to be_.


	2. the itch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Johnny is immediately interested, but he tries not to let his eagerness show. “Are you sure? What about you?”
> 
> Doyoung laughs then, even if Johnny doesn’t think he said anything funny. “Sweet of you to worry about me getting off, Suh, but you don’t have to. I want to see how good you fuck him, so I can see why Taeyong keeps going back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh man, here we go (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)
> 
> thank you everyone that left me a comment last chapter! i'm really happy you guys seem just as excited as me for this chaotic mess. hopefully you guys enjoy this one as well!

Sometimes, Johnny lets himself watch. 

Taeyong has just arrived from his lunch break, and he’s sitting at the edge of Doyoung’s desk, talking about something. The younger of the two ate on his desk, probably swamped with work, but he spares a moment for his boyfriend; Johnny is too far to eavesdrop, but he’s familiar enough with Taeyong’s dramatic hand gestures or the annoyed quirk to Doyoung’s eyebrows to know that they’re bickering.

There’s nothing new about it  — they bicker a lot, and Johnny has come to understand it’s part of their relationship. More than that even, it’s a form of affection: he can see it clearly in Taeyong’s cheeky smile, how he knows exactly which buttons to push to get Doyoung distracted but not  _ truly  _ upset, and he sees it in Doyoung’s eyes too, the fondness in which he indulges his boyfriend despite the superficial annoyance. 

There’s nothing new about it, but Johnny can’t look away. He indulges in it, the itch he can never fully scratch, and stores every little meaningless piece of information somewhere deep inside his mind. He’s been doing this for a while, way before this all started; though the reasons why have changed, Doyoung and Taeyong’s relationship has always fascinated him. 

At first, Johnny might’ve wondered  _ how _ — to think of Taeyong, kind to a fault and tender hearted by nature falling for Doyoung, unashamedly snarky and prideful, didn’t make any sense. Not until he got to know Taeyong, and found that with sweet gestures and beaming smiles came a liking to tease, to push buttons, to be a little bratty if it meant getting what he wanted. Taeyong has always been the perfect combination of sweet and sour, and by watching Doyoung bring his boyfriend his favorite treats after lunch, or offer his coat and umbrella if the older ever left early, Johnny began realizing that for the right person, maybe Doyoung could be too. 

They’re good for each other, and Johnny can see it so clearly now, it seems silly that he once didn’t — they fill in for each other’s shortcomings, find ways that even what crashes coexists. Doyoung may be strong headed and have a penchant for nagging, but he’s the one pushing for Taeyong to prioritize himself when the younger forgets to; people tend to take Taeyong’s kindness as a free pass, and his boyfriend is often the one reminding him of his limits. The same goes for the opposite, too: Taeyong may love to pick on his boyfriend, but he understands Doyoung like no one else (that Johnny knows) — sees tiny changes in his mood from miles away and tries his best to accommodate for it. 

Jaehyun once said they’re soulmates. Johnny is inclined to believe it. 

Taeyong has to go back to his own desk to work, but before he leaves Doyoung places a reserved kiss on the back of his hand; affectionate, maybe a little playful. They beam at each other, and Johnny has been doing this for long enough to know why he keeps letting himself watch, even though he shouldn’t. 

There’s a name for the itch, and it’s also the reason it can’t ever be scratched. 

_ Longing _ . 

Johnny likes to think he works hard; it may not be heavy labor, but it’s stressful enough that by the end of the day, all he usually craves is some time to wind down in his own apartment. That usually means a hot, long shower, followed by a warm dinner (and if he’s feeling it, a beer) eaten while watching Netflix  — a simple kind of routine, and frankly not a lot to ask. 

Which is why he feels so betrayed by the universe when as soon as he gets home and tries to take the elevator, he’s promptly informed there’s a power outage. 

His apartament is dark and cold, and even after he calls the energy company twice, they can’t tell him when he should expect the energy to be back; it might take an hour, or might take all night. There’s very few things as inconvenient as having no energy, and when Johnny accepts there’s not much else he can do, all that is left is calling someone who’d offer their couch. 

His first option for something like this would be Jaehyun, except the younger lives three floors down from him and therefore has no energy either; if anything, he’s probably already on his way to crash at Yuta’s place. Then, there’s Mark, but that’s an iffy option: sure, the boy is his friend, but he’s also his boss; he doesn’t know if he wants to sleep there and come in to work together the next morning. 

Then, there’s the more obvious option: Taeyong certainly wouldn’t mind, but he’s not the one Johnny is worried about. It’s hard to imagine a situation more uncomfortable then having to spend the night under the same roof as Doyoung, and he certainly doesn’t want to put himself through the torture of seeing the two acting all domestic in front of him. 

But then again, Taeyong’s apartament has warm water, warm blankets, working power outlets, and very likely some nice food (hopefully) made by Doyoung. Johnny hesitates for a minute, and then decides that he can live through one night of awkwardness if it means having access to all of those. 

Taeyong’s phone rings twice before the younger picks up, already sounding a little worried;  Johnny doesn’t really call Taeyong at night, so the reaction is warranted.  “Johnny? Is everything ok?”

He sighs, a little defeated. “Yeah, just… there’s a power outage, and the company says there’s a chance it won’t be back until the middle of the night. I wouldn’t be asking if I had any other option, but I’d really like a hot shower and a couch to crash for tonight.”

Taeyong doesn’t even hesitate. “Oh Johnny, don’t worry about it, of course I don’t mind, you’re always welcome here. Let me just let Doyoung know, one minute —”

Johnny huffs a laugh. “Don’t ‘ _ let him know _ ’, ask him. And it’s fine, if he doesn’t feel comfortable with it.”

He thinks the younger must have placed his hand over the phone, because Johnny can’t understand the next words muffled on the call; only recognizes that it’s Taeyong and Doyoung talking about something. It’s quite short though, and less than a minute later Taeyong is back, voice bright like he’s smiling. “He said he’s fine with it!”

“ _ As long as he brings some wine. _ ” There’s Doyoung’s voice in the background, a little further away. 

Taeyong laughs, and Johnny can just imagine him rolling his eyes. “As long as you bring some wine.” 

The thought of Doyoung wishing to drink wine while he’s over brings back the memory of the last time he was over at the couple’s apartment, with the silk robe and the red wine, but Johnny shakes it off before he can let his mind read too much into it. He has enough problems to deal with tonight, so he tries to simply appreciate the fact that at least now he doesn’t have to go to bed without a shower. 

Twenty minutes and an overnight bag later, Johnny has already made his first stop to pick up the wine  — not without calling Jaehyun first, who understands a lot more about it and suggested something that wouldn’t make him look completely tasteless. The drive over to their apartament isn’t too bad, but it’s long enough for Johnny to question his decision twice, but not enough to give him time to change his mind. 

He only needs to shoot Taeyong a text for the younger to let him up, and as Johnny checks himself in the mirror on the elevator, he notices how terrible he looks  — his hair is messy from running his fingers through, his clothes are jostled from a day at work, and he clearly looks like he needs a shower, which he does. Johnny sighs, and tries to shove any embarrassment away; he’ll be seen in the morning anyway, no point in worrying about this. 

When he gets out of the elevator, one glance to the side shows Taeyong waiting by the door to his place. He looks so genuinely happy to see Johnny, of course the older’s heart immediately melts; it almost makes the power outage seem worth it, just for that. 

“Hey, good timing.” Taeyong greets. “Doyoung is just finishing dinner, there’s probably enough for you to take a shower.”

The younger reaches for a hug even though they just saw each other a few hours ago, but Johnny would never complain — as sappy as it is, getting his arms around his lover’s small frame is the best kind of comfort after a few stressful hours. Taeyong smells like a recent shower and his rose body wash, and Johnny just wants to bask in the smell and stay in the moment, dreading the next hours. 

“Thank God,” He says, begrudgingly pulling away. “I feel absolutely gross.”

Taeyong rolls his eyes, leading him into the apartament. “Don’t be dramatic, it’s not like you were sweating under the airconditioning.” 

Johnny has been in Taeyong’s apartament multiple times in the past, but even as he steps in, there’s something quite different about tonight. For one, there’s the nerves; he never slept over before, and he certainly never stayed for dinner with the  _ boyfriend _ . But it’s not just that: the whole place feels different, like Doyoung’s presence is overwhelming even when he’s not in eyesight. It’s the first time since all of this started that Johnny really feels like he’s walking into the couple’s routine, and he’s not sure how to feel about that. 

Perhaps Taeyong can see his sheepish hesitance, because he reaches a hand up to hold on softly at Johnny’s bicep. The smile he gives is more reserved now, less like the excited one he just had, but it’s comforting and familiar — like he’s telling Johnny ‘ _ I’m here, there’s nothing to worry about’.  _

There’s the characteristic noise of someone working in the kitchen, but even as he and Taeyong talk, Doyoung doesn’t stop to come over and greet him. Johnny however can’t find in himself to be as impolite as not to do so, since he’s the guest, so he pushes himself to it despite how awkward it feels. 

He’s not sure what he’s expecting to see as he approaches, but the hitch on his breath as he takes in Doyoung isn’t ideal. The younger also looks like he just came out of the shower, if the wet strands of black hair over his forehead are any indication, or the soft tinge of red to his skin. He’s wearing glasses, tin wire frames, and Johnny realizes he didn’t even know Doyoung wore contacts on the day to day — and that maybe he shouldn’t, because the glasses bring an innate softness to his expression that pokes at something in Johnny, though he’s not sure what. 

It’s what he’s wearing that does it, though: the oversized white shirt covering him up to his thighs, and some tiny pair of sleep shorts underneath that he can only see when Doyoung reaches up to grab something from a shelf. Johnny can’t stop himself from staring at the long expanse of Doyoung’s legs, smooth and toned, until his eyes catch something: two suspiciously placed red marks, right on his inner thigh.

It’s safe to say Johnny can’t look away fast enough. 

When Doyoung turns around and notices Johnny, it’s like he can tell where the older’s thoughts were from just a glance; the smirk that graces his features is particularly annoying, even more because Johnny knows it’s justified. Doyoung dries his hand on a towel, then gestures over with his chin to the bottle on Johnny’s hand. “Is that my wine?”

Johnny tries his best to look unaffected, extending the wine to Doyoung. “Yes, your majesty. Thanks for receiving me into your humble abode.” 

Doyoung snorts a laugh, and the sound surprises Johnny: not only because Doyoung is laughing at something he said, but more so because it sounds a little goofy, a little less reserved. He examines the label for a few seconds, then nods silently, the same smirk. “Glad to know you finally figured out how to address me, Suh.”

Johnny rolls his eyes, but there’s a smile tugging at the edge of his lips — this kind of banter, though more mild than their jabs at work, is comfortable enough that he can work with. It’s a lot better than the overall awkwardness he was expecting, and with Taeyong’s hand rubbing the low of his back, Johnny feels himself relax a little; perhaps this won’t be absolutely terrible. 

“Come on, I’ll take you to the bathroom.” Taeyong offers, though Johnny certainly knows where it is. 

Doyoung chuckles, now stirring something in a pan. “He just got here and you’re already trying to get him naked, Taeyong?”

Johnny’s face burns at the comment, completely caught off guard, so much so that he ends up coughing against his hand when he chokes on his saliva. Taeyong throws a punch at Doyoung’s arm and tells him to “shut up”, but Johnny can tell he’s not really annoyed — more so amused, like this type of comment coming from his boyfriend doesn’t bother him at all. 

“Don’t worry about Doyoung too much.” Taeyong says a minute later, as he reaches on his tiptoes for a clean towel Johnny could use. “He really doesn’t mind that you came; if anything, he’ll be happy to have someone else to eat his food. It’s always just me and him, you know.” 

Standing in the middle of their bathroom isn’t probably the best occasion for Johnny to ask something that has been bugging him for nearly a year, but he can’t stop himself. “Doesn’t he have, like… anyone else, too?”

Taeyong doesn’t seem to find the question odd despite it’s intimate nature; he only glances at Johnny before shaking his head. “No, he never found anyone he was interested in long term, like me and you.”

His voice softens at the last words, and Johnny is so silly for letting his chest fill with warmth at something so simple, but he does it anyway. When Taeyong finally hands him the towel, fluffy and smelling like Fabreeze, Johnny holds onto his wrist for a second, just so he can lean down and steal a short kiss. The giggle Taeyong lets out at being surprised stays in Johnny’s mind even after the younger slips out of the door, and if there’s a lovefool smile on his cheeks, then there’s no one else in there to judge him. 

The hot shower is as glorious as Johnny hoped, and completely worth the hassle of coming over: he washes away all the grind from the day, and it helps work the tension in his muscles until he feels himself nearly brand new. He uses Taeyong’s body wash (or at least what he recognizes as the younger’s characteristic scent) and gets onto his sleep clothes, feeling a lot less shabby than he did when he arrived. 

Johnny can smell the pork stir fry even as he leaves the bathroom, and it makes his mouth water; even if it's made by  _ Doyoung _ , it doesn’t look like his stomach actually cares. There’s noise of conversation in the kitchen, Taeyong’s laughter always so bright and easy, but Johnny tries to push away the feeling that he’s intruding: they’re clearly fine with his presence, so he just needs to relax a little. 

“God,  _ finally _ .” Taeyong whines as soon as he walks in. “I’m starving and Doyoung wouldn’t let me eat anything.”

“And have you ruin my presentation?” Doyoung tsks, sparing Johnny a longer glance and then looking away to start bringing things to the small dinner table. 

“Let me help,” Johnny offers, awkward at just standing there, but Doyoung easily waves him off. 

“I can put dishes on the table by myself Johnny, thank you.” He adds sarcastically. “Besides, you’re the guest.”

Johnny is confused whether he’s supposed to be annoyed or thankful, so he just sits down at the table, opposite from where Taeyong is and leaving the seat beside the younger for Doyoung. Taeyong seems in a great mood tonight, chipper and eager to start conversation, and Johnny wonders if something happened or this is just because he has both of his lovers being civil at the same place and time. 

“Oh, Johnny, I forgot to tell you.” He suddenly adds, straightening up and grinning. “You won’t believe what Doie heard last week.”

Doyoung snorts from behind then, putting chopsticks on the table. “I don’t know why you find that story so funny.”

“Because it is!” Taeyong defends. “But anyway, as I was saying. Do you remember when you came over that night, and waited for me to get ready?”

_ The night where Doyoung was half naked on the couch _ , Johnny’s mind provides unhelpfully. “Yeah, why?”

“So, apparently some of the neighbors saw you coming up and then coming down with me, and us holding hands and stuff.” Taeyong continues, clearly amused. “And Doyoung found out from another neighbor that apparently, everyone thinks I’m cheating on him.”

Taeyong laughs brightly, and even Johnny can’t help but huff out an amused sound — knowing how crazy for each other the couple is, the thought of Taeyong cheating on Doyoung seems as unlikely as them breaking up. “Doesn’t that bother you? That everyone thinks you’re some sort of—”

“Slut?” Doyoung cheekily offers. 

“I was going to say  _ adulterer _ , but sure.” Johnny rolls his eyes, knowing the younger didn’t mean it a demeaning way. 

Taeyong only shrugs, a playful twinkle in his eyes. “They can say whatever they want; at the end of the day I have the two hottest guys they’ve ever seen climbing in my bed, so who’s winning really.”

Johnny puts a hand on his chest, feigning hurt. “So you only want us for our hot body?”

There’s barely a second before Doyoung appears into view, eyebrows arched. “You think I have a hot body?”

Johnny feels his cheeks burn, and Taeyong’s gleeful laughter doesn’t help. “Saying  _ my  _ hot body and Doyoung’s noodle arms just felt impolite.”

The smugness on Doyoung’s expressions shows he clearly didn’t buy it, but Johnny is thankful he plays along anyway. “My  _ noodle arms _ are currently holding your food and could slip poison into at any given time.” 

“And then what would you do with my body?” Johnny grins. “I doubt either you or Taeyong could carry me all the way downstairs.”

Taeyong sighs, smiling at the exchange. “You underestimate Doie, Johnny. Those arms can do a lot of damage, trust me, I’d know.”

“How would you?” Johnny’s tongue slips before he can stop himself. “You weigh as much as a paper weight, anyone could manhandle you.” 

Taeyong scoffs, offended, and threatens to stab Johnny with one of his chopsticks. “Shut up. I’m just telling you, Doyoung could hold his own with you.”

“You don’t have to defend my honor, Yongie.” Doyoung laughs, finally sitting down next to his boyfriend as the food is fully served. “I know Johnny could probably snap me in half with those arms, but I have a feeling that’s not how that situation would go.”

There’s a meaningful glance from the black haired man at him, and Johnny is  _ so  _ tempted to keep pushing at whatever weird tension is building, but he knows this is a dangerous path for a conversation to take. Instead, he’s the first to look away and focus on all the food served in front of him, and his mouth compliments almost automatically. “Oh,  _ wow _ .”

It’s been a while since Johnny has had the chance to eat Korean food despite the care packages of homemade kimchi his mom still sends him, and there’s something so nostalgic and comfortable about the smell of hot steamed rice and the characteristic red of spices in the meat. Taeyong serves himself and then Doyoung, a sweet gesture that doesn’t escape Johnny, and then the guest is reaching to take some of the rice and pork bulgogi for himself, almost filling his bowl entirely. 

Taeyong moans around his first bite. “Doie, this is actually amazing.”

The smile that Doyoung gives is nearly shy at the compliment, and Johnny can’t look away. “Really? You know I wished I had more time to marinate the meat for longer…”

Johnny takes a bite of his own, and then immediately another, and another. Even if it goes against everything he’s believed so far, he doesn’t think I’d be possible for him not to offer a sincere compliment. “I agree, this is some of the best food I’ve eaten in a long time.”

Doyoung grins widely now, clearly happy at having his cooking complimented, and there’s no good explanation for the way Johnny feels oddily contented at the sight and the knowledge he was the one putting it there. 

Dinner is  _ nice _ : that in itself is enough to leave Johnny feeling off balance. It’s not peaceful by any accounts — he and Doyoung keep bickering throughout, especially when the topic of work comes up, but having Taeyong there to roll his eyes at them and shove more food into their bows helps. In contrast to how it usually goes in the office, Johnny could even say their banter feels harmless tonight; annoying each other, but never going over the line. 

There’s something simmering in the air, and as much as Johnny initially convinces himself he’s imagining it, at one point it’s a little hard to ignore. It’s not just the ease in the conversation, the comments thrown around that could be seen as playful at best and flirtatious at worse; it’s more obviously the looks Taeyong gives both of them, a dangerous glint so familiar to Johnny at this point, or the way his legs rubs up against Johnny’s at the same time he leans his head on Doyoung’s shoulder. 

There’s cognitive dissonance in the knowledge that he should stop this before it gets out of hand, and the guilty desire to where it’ll lead despite the consequences. 

Johnny offers to wash the dishes after dinner, and Taeyong tries to keep him company for a few minutes until Doyoung gets bored of being alone in the living room. The older doesn’t mind — if anything, it’s nice to have a few minutes to himself, even if it doesn’t do much to clear his mind. At least he gets to stall for a while, meticulously wiping at every bowl before finally following the voices back into the living room. 

The first thing Johnny notices is that the bottle of wine he brought over is already opened and sitting on the coffee table. There’s a half filled glass next to it, and it’s pair is in Taeyong’s hands, being brought to Doyoung’s lip first and then his own. The couple is cuddled comfortably on the couch, the smaller of the two fitting himself against Doyoung’s side with his head laying on his shoulder, and it’s such an intimate scene Johnny immediately feels the tug at his gut, the urge to turn around and hide in the kitchen until they leave to their bedroom. 

Before he has a chance to, Taeyong’s eyes meet his, and the younger smiles lightly. “Come on, we poured you one.”

Johnny wishes he was stronger, but it’s no surprise that Taeyong’s bright eyes render him useless against any request. He can see how both of their gazes follow him trained as he walks over and takes the half filled glass, and Johnny makes a point of not letting himself meet any of their gazes, a little worried about what he’ll find there. He can see, at the edge of his sight, that Doyoung’s long fingers are sprawled over Taeyong’s inner thigh, and that simple action sets off all sorts of alarms in Johnny’s mind. 

He has all of the intention of sitting on the empty couch opposite from them, but Taeyong doesn’t even give him the chance; before he can move away, he gently holds on to the older’s wrist and pouts up at him. “There’s space here.”

“Space” means squeezing himself on Taeyong’s other side, and Johnny must have some sort of masochistic streak, because he lets himself be guided there anyway, until he’s sitting down and Taeyong is adjusting so that he can have one of his legs laying over Johnny’s thigh. 

No one says anything for a minute, and Johnny tries to ignore the loud noise of his heartbeat in his inner ear by drinking a little. It’s a nice wine, he has to admit, going in for another sip and hoping it might make him sleepy enough to stop going into overdrive. 

It’s a pointless desire, anyway — as he brings the glass away from his lips, licking the remaining red liquid staining it, he finds Doyoung’s eyes tracing the movement. Their gazes meet afterwards, and the younger doesn’t seem ashamed in the slightest; only tugs his lips up, speaking casually. “I have to admit this is really good. Did you pick it yourself?”

Johnny is so out of it that it takes a second for him to understand the man is talking about the wine. He’s tempted to take the credit for it, the sudden desire to impress (or please) Doyoung burning lightly in his stomach, but there’s something about the tension that makes it too hard for him not to be honest. “I asked Jaehyun, actually.”

Doyoung hums, though he doesn’t appear that interested in Johnny’s  _ actual  _ answer. “Of course, I should’ve known. I’ll have to thank him later, then.”

Johnny has half a mind to notice the small quip, but there’s not enough time to dwell on it when Taeyong is crowding into his space the following moment. Johnny flinches away on instinct, surprised at the suddenness of it, and watches as Taeyong giggles in amusement before bringing his lips to Johnny’s glass like it’s his own. The older watches enraptured as Taeyong drinks from it as sloppily as he can, making a show out of letting the red wet his lips and drip from the edge of it, and when he pulls away and looks at Johnny, the older sees the challenge in it. 

Taeyong is  _ teasing  _ him. Johnny is too familiar with this, knows Taeyong’s antics like the back of his hand, and there’s something about it that oddly settles some of Johnny’s nerves: it’s a point of familiarity, something he can grasp onto, so Johnny lets his body relax into the couch, holding Taeyong’s gaze and sending a clear message that he’s not winning tonight. 

Johnny is not letting himself be the first one to snap — not in front of Doyoung. 

Taeyong must know it as well, because he doesn’t linger; instead, he moves back under Doyoung’s arms, his boyfriend indifferent to the sight he just witnessed. There’s another beat of silence, and Taeyong is the one speaking up this time. 

“I like how sweet it is,” He drawls, still keeping up the wine talk. His head tilts up then, staring right at his boyfriend. “Don’t you agree, Doie?”

Doyoung’s eyes stare at Taeyong, and Johnny finally sees it: the same gleam he has seen in Taeyong’s eyes so many times over the past months, a flicker his body has already learned to associate with danger. “I think I need another taste to tell.”

Johnny can’t look away. Everything inside of him is telling he shouldn’t be watching this, shouldn’t be so attentive to the way Taeyong’s lips mouth wetly against Doyoung’s, but it’s like whatever warning signs his brain keeps desperately trying to send don’t find their way to any of his limbs. 

The both of them keep going at it, Doyoung’s hand eventually moving to hold onto Taeyong’s waist and twist his body into a more comfortable position, and Johnny hates to admit how hot it is. It’s not just about having two extremely attractive men making out next to him, but more so the fact that it’s like he’s not even there at the moment — that both the man he’s sleeping with or his boyfriend don’t seem to mind at all. 

The noises of their lips locking is loud in the silent room, and Johnny drinks up every single one of them, not daring to let out any of his own. He doesn’t know if it’s the wine or the atmosphere, but he can feel the effects the sight is having on his body: the shirt he’s under suddenly feels hot, and every twitch in his underwear fills him with a depraved feeling of anticipation. 

Johnny watches how easy Taeyong becomes in Doyoung’s hand, and he can’t say he’s surprised. The older nips at Doyoung’s bottom lips a few times, until he’s being pushed down and they’re both pressing into Johnny’s space, so much closer than before. The view is a lot, and Johnny finally lets out a strained huff of air he couldn’t possibly hide. 

He sees it clearly, the moment Doyoung smirks against Taeyong’s lips, and it’s so  _ annoying _ . 

(It’s also incredibly  _ hot _ , and that’s probably the most annoying part of it.)

When their lips finally part, there’s an obscene line of saliva hanging in between their lips, until Taeyong’s tongue breaks it. Doyoung doesn't waste time before moving to press feather-light kisses in his boyfriend’s jaw and neck, but Johnny is too distracted by the dark lust in Taeyong’s eyes when he finally looks up at Johnny, barely a moment to catch his breath before the older is leaning down and taking Taeyong too. 

Taeyong’s mouth is so wet from Doyoung’s ministrations, and Johnny would never have thought that that knowledge would turn him on so much, except it does: he kisses Taeyong with a passion reserved for the hottest parts of their bedroom adventures, and the younger mewls into it, the sound so needy it draws a condescending chuckle from where his boyfriend is nipping at his ear. 

Johnny is hyperaware of Doyoung’s presence, still holding Taeyong up on his arms so that the younger doesn’t fall back on Johnny’s legs and watching the two of them kiss. He wonders what is going on through his mind, if this does as much for him as it seems to do for Taeyong, and it’s the ease in which these thoughts spurr on Johnny’s mind that truly scares him. 

Johnny only pulls away when he’s completely breathless, and even so he keeps panting into Taeyong’s mouth, staring into his eyes in a wordless conversation. The younger looks up at him like he’s pleading, but also like there’s a hint of worry, hesitation; Johnny knows that if he wanted to, he could pull away now and Taeyong would understand. 

Doyoung backs away from Taeyong too, looking at Johnny with anticipation as well, and Johnny lets himself measure him for a moment; kiss swollen lips, flushed cheeks, black hair tousled. The sight makes Johnny’s stomach twist in desire, and he knows he’s too far gone to let himself stop now. 

Instead of any verbal answer, Johnny leans back on the couch, and looks into Taeyong’s eyes as he pats his thighs. The younger understand immediately, and the smile that widens his expression makes it worth it immediately: his excitement is so obvious Johnny can’t help but give back a airy chuckle of his own, absolutely endeared. 

Once Taeyong is settled down comfortably, Johnny lets himself build his own pace, kissing patiently at the younger’s neck and jaw first, feeling the way he begins to melt against his hold. He can’t pretend that having Doyoung sitting right next to him doesn’t affect his actions — there’s some pride in showing the younger what he can do to Taeyong, and he’s just getting started. 

Only when Taeyong is getting riled up enough to start squirming on his lap does Johnny finally goes back to kissing him, and it’s slow and sensual, unlike the desperation they had before. He’s so focused on the boy in his lap he nearly forgets the third person watching the two of them, until he feels Doyoung’s body pressed up right next to his; the sensation causes a jolt of surprise in him, and he wants to bite out a curse when Doyoung laughs and tells him to “ _ just relax _ ”. 

He doesn’t need to see to know what Doyoung does next; the whimper Taeyong lets out paired with the sharp arch of his back is enough indication. Johnny wishes he could pull back and watch it though, because Taeyong always makes the loveliest faces whenever his nipples are being played with, and he can’t imagine how hot the sight of Doyoung’s pretty fingers thumbing at them must be. 

Taeyong keeps squirming on his lap, and Johnny is quickly growing harder. The hands previously laying on the younger’s thigh move upwards along them until he has Taeyong’s small ass on his hands — not grabbing at it, just holding it right on his palm — and he smirks when the simple gesture makes Taeyong cry out, needy. 

When Doyoung finally speaks, his voice surprises Johnny: there’s a cold and condescending quality to it that he’s quite familiar with, but hearing it now, in this context, brings a shiver running down his spine . “Was having both of us not enough, Taeyong? Did you really need it at the same time to be satisfied?”

Taeyong is clearly too desperate to put up any pretense, because he immediately pulls away to nod and whimper out an agreement. Doyoung laughs, the sound still so unfamiliar when so close to Johnny, and lets his hand fall to the hems of Taeyong’s shirt, giving it a single tug before the younger is scrambling to pull it off of himself. 

Taeyong looks so small like this, sitting on Johnny’s lap with Doyoung’s hand touching at his narrow chest, and Johnny wonders if he’ll ever be able to get the image out of his mind. He reaches out a hand to card through the younger’s hair, dyed strands now almost sweaty on his fingers, and when he finally speaks his voice feels nearly rough from disuse. “What do you want, Yongie?”

Taeyong leans into the touch, the tender gesture grounding him for a second, and when he opens his eyes again to look at them his gaze is a lot clearer. “I want you to have me— both of you, both of my boys.” 

Doyoung shifts on the couch then, and when Johnny looks to the side, he’s a little satisfied to know he’s not the one completely affected by this — the oversized shirt covers it enough, but Johnny can guess he’s growing hard in his little shorts as well. Doyoung catches his sight, eyebrows quirking in that annoying smug expression, and Johnny has to shove away the most ridiculous urge to lean in and kiss it off his face. 

“Should we go to bed, then?” Doyoung offers, looking back at Taeyong. “Or do you want some rug burns on your knees from being fucked on the floor, Taeyong?”

Johnny laughs shortly, but Taeyong shakes his head, pouting. “Bed, I wanna be comfortable.” 

Doyoung smiles, so needlessly patronizing. “Of course, princess, anything you want.”

Johnny’s hands move from Taeyong’s ass to grab at the underside of his thigh, and then he’s lifting both of them up with ease, a small squeak falling from Taeyong’s lips when he grabs at the older’s shoulders. Doyoung pointedly rolls his eyes at Johnny, muttering a “show off” and ignoring Johnny’s following grin, and instead leads them to the bedroom, bottle of wine forgotten behind. 

Taeyong’s bites and sucks at Johnny’s neck even as they move, hard enough that he knows some of them might leave a mark, which Johnny is not looking forward too the next morning. Johnny is too distracted to stop him though, watching as Doyoung pulls off his shirt while he walks; his mouth waters at the expanse of wide shoulders and tempting tiny waist, and Johnny swallows dry. 

Taeyong follows his gaze, giggling in his ear. “He’s so hot, isn’t him? I keep thinking of how your hands would look around his waist, how small you’d make him look.”

Johnny doesn’t want to admit he’s been thinking it too, and having Taeyong put the images in his mind only makes his fingers dig more firmly at the younger’s thigh, enough that it sings. “Don’t be a little shit, Taeyong.” 

Taeyong snickers in delight, until they’re finally stepping into the couple’s bedroom. It’s not the first time Johnny comes inside, but all other occasion had been quick, to pick up something for Taeyong or to help him into an outfit — they’ve certainly never had sex in it, as it always felt like an invasion of the couple’s space and privacy. Now, as Doyoung closes the door behind them, Johnny tries not to pay too much attention to the details or let himself feel weird about it.

Taeyong is moving upwards in the bed as soon as his back hits the bedsheets, rolling around to remove his pajama pants and underwear all in one go. The impatience makes Johnny smile, and he watches from the foot of the bed as Doyoung climbs in next to Taeyong, caging his boyfriend in between his arms and kissing him.

Johnny takes his time pulling his sweats down and shirt over his head; he’s in no rush to interrupt the view, especially when Taeyong’s leg comes up to circle one of Doyoung’s, pulling him down so they’re pressed at their crotches. There’s something surprisingly beautiful in seeing Taeyong fall apart for someone else, and even more so when that person is someone Johnny has felt so jealous of before. 

Doyoung is quiet even as Taeyong grinds up on him, and Johnny wouldn’t be able to tell he was feeling it were it nor for the way his legs move and tense. In comparison, Taeyong is as loud as ever: small whimpers and little airy moans muffled by Doyoung’s tongue, but still sounding so tempting in the otherwise silence of the bedroom. Johnny palms himself through his underwear for a moment, but it eventually becomes too much; he pulls the fabric off and gives his cock a few languid tugs, rubbing his thumb on the head and taking the edge off with a deep sigh. 

The sound seems to pull Taeyong out of it, as he tips his head back off the kiss and instead moves to look at Johnny, Doyoung biting at his jaw for a moment. He extends his arm to do grabby hands at the older, so cheeky it makes Johnny’s heart soar, and he steps closer immediately. 

Doyoung disentangles from Taeyong as Johnny approaches, and the older licks his lips at Doyoung’s precum stained shorts: from Doyoung’s own arousal or Taeyong’s rubbing, it’s unclear. There’s not much time to watch when he begins to remove it though, because Taeyong’s fingers are carding through his hair and not so gently pulling Johnny’s attention back to him. 

“You’re so needy,” Johnny drawls, leaning down to place light kisses in the younger’s taint. “What should we do with you tonight?” 

He continues to move his kisses lower, and Taeyong’s answer is nothing more than a few unintelligible noises of approval. Johnny can see, at the edge of his sight, how Doyoung comes back to the bed and sits himself near Taeyong’s face. When he speaks, his voice sounds a little less unbothered than it did 10 minutes ago. “Answer him properly, Taeyong, or we’re choosing for you.” 

Taeyong doesn’t get the chance to, because right as Doyoung finishes saying it, Johnny’s mouth finds its way to the younger’s cock, swollen red and leaking. He kisses at the head first, basks in the way Taeyong’s body curls and his thighs attempt to close around Johnny’s head, and then takes it all the way down in a single move. 

Johnny has never been a big fan of sucking cock, but as with many other things, Taeyong has proven himself to be an exception. He likes how he’s the perfect size for him, not too small but just big enough for Johnny to be able to take him all the way without too much effort — like now, when his lips touch at the skin on his crotch and Taeyong’s cock barely brushes at the back of his throat. 

What really does it for him though is the knowledge of how much Taeyong likes it: how he gets off so intensively at watching Johnny do it, how he says the older has the most beautiful cock sucking lips. Johnny is not so confident he has the best skills out there, certainly nowhere near as good as Taeyong himself, but it’s still good enough to make his lover cry out and twist on the bed sheets: due to the way Johnny’s tongue rubs at his glands or how his big eyes stare up at him, the older can’t tell.

And perhaps Johnny puts on even more a show tonight, feeling Doyoung’s half lidded eyes watching him just as intently, but that's neither here nor there. 

Taeyong doesn’t have a particularly short refractory period, so when Johnny starts to feel the telltale signs he’s about to come, he gives it one last hard suck on his rise and completely pulls off, ignoring the protesting noises. Johnny’s face is wet with saliva and precum, and he wipes it with the back of his hand, sitting back on his heels and looking down at the couple again. “No requests, Yongie?”

Taeyong huffs out a miffed laugh, shaking his head. “Do whatever you two want — I just want to get fucked already.”

Johnny snickers, and Doyoung pinches at his boyfriend’s waist. “Manners.”

Before Johnny can suggest anything, Doyoung is looking at him again, somehow appraisingly. He blatantly checks Johnny out, enough that the older has to resist an urge to cover himself even though he knows what he’s packing is nothing to hide, and then offers a grin. “How about you fuck him?” 

Johnny is immediately interested, but he tries not to let his eagerness show. “Are you sure? What about you?”

Doyoung laughs then, even if Johnny doesn’t think he said anything funny. “Sweet of you to worry about me getting off, Suh, but you don’t have to. I want to see how good you fuck him, so I can see why Taeyong keeps going back.”

Johnny breathes out deeply, and he can’t decide between being aroused or annoyed — then again, he wouldn’t have expected anything else from getting in bed with Doyoung. Instead of offering any sort of answer to the provocation, Johnny only asks. “You want to open him or do I?”

Taeyong makes a whining sound from his place in bed, but he doesn’t add anything even as both of them look at him. Doyoung coos, running a deceitfully gentle hand though his face, until he grabs firmly at it. “Do you like when we talk about you like you’re not even here, Taeyong? Getting all hot at knowing we’re just using you to get ourselves off at the same time?”

Even if the words are spit at Taeyong, Johnny’s hand still circles around his own cock, jerking himself a few times. Doyoung’s mouth is  _ filthy _ , absolutely not what Johnny imagined from the uptight man he’s known for years at work, but it makes sense; he knows what Taeyong likes in bed, and it’d be silly for him to imagine his boyfriend wouldn’t be giving it to him as well. 

Doyoung moves to reach under the bed, throwing a bottle of lube and a condom over his head. Johnny is about to say something when Taeyong speaks up instead, “I don’t use condoms with Johnny.”

Doyoung’s head jerks up, and he looks confused for a second. “You don’t?”

Johnny feels the need to explain himself then, that’s he’s not just putting Taeyong at risk. “Well, Taeyong only sleeps with the both of us and he told me you were clean, and I’m only sleeping with Taeyong as well so it didn’t seem necessary.”

Doyoung looks at Johnny for a second, and there’s a gleam of understanding in his eyes, gone in the next blink. “Alright, then.” 

He puts the condom away, and when he moves into the bed again, Johnny gets the message and leaves the space in between Taeyong’s legs. He situates himself against the bed frame instead, and Taeyong is scrambling to get his head resting on his plush thighs, Johnny’s hand finding his hair immediately. 

Watching Doyoung open up Taeyong from this position is an entirely new experience; Johnny has never had the chance to see it happen from the outside, never thought about the way Taeyong would react to anyone’s fingers but his. Even if he can’t fully see what Doyoung is doing, he hears every single aborted noise coming from Taeyong’s throat as he moves, watches them build up to where he has his eyes closed and head buried in Johnny’s skin, moaning wantonly, and he knows it must feel good. He’s not surprised: Doyoung has long fingers, and the meticulous way in which he watches Taeyong’s every expression and moves his fingers accordingly, lips tugging up at a particularly satisfying moan, fits the Doyoung he knows quite well: single-minded, perfectionist, stubborn. 

Johnny nearly jumps in surprise when he suddenly feels something poking at his cock, which has been forgotten in the meanwhile. He looks down to see Taeyong, tongue stuck out to try and touch where Johnny’s cock is but barely grazing it, and the sight is funny enough to make Johnny laugh heartily. “Comfortable there, Yongie?”

The younger huffs out in frustration, attempting again and failing it. “Just give it to me, Johnny.”

Johnny hums, pretends to think about it for a moment as he holds his cock instead, feeling it pulse to fully harden again. Doyoung probably won’t take too long to finish though, so Johnny moves his dick to the side until Taeyong can wrap his lips around the head, immediately putting pressure and making Johnny hiss with how hard he sucks. 

There’s no leverage in this position, so Taeyong can’t bob his head or do much — in a way, the only thing Johnny’s cock is doing in his mouth is providing comfort for every sharp pump to Doyoung’s fingers in Taeyong’s ass. Johnny doesn’t mind — the sensation of the younger’s wet mouth and the vibration everytime Taeyong moans around him is more than enough by themselves, and Johnny’s hand reaches to tug at his own balls in the meanwhile.

“Do you think you’re finishing any time soon?” He asks Doyoung, who looks up at him. 

“Why, are you about to cum  _ already _ ?” He teases back, but then almost immediately pulls away his fingers and wipes the excess lube on the bed. 

Taeyong whines when Johnny’s pulls away, but not for long as the older moves to take Doyoung’s previous place in between his legs. Taeyong’s hole is wet and winking at him, practically sloppy for Johnny to take, and he doesn’t resist rubbing the head of his cock against it, just to see how the rim widens and tries to suck him in. 

Johnny still doesn’t know what Doyoung plans on doing, but the younger has placed a pillow under Taeyong’s head, affectionately moving his hair off his forehead and leaning down for a short kiss. He throws Johnny a pillow afterwards too, and Taeyong is so light that getting it under his lower back is something Johnny can do by himself just lifting the younger’s body a little. 

When Taeyong seems sufficiently ready, looking at Johnny with those pleading eyes that can get him anything he wants, Johnny finally presses closer, lining himself up. He takes Taeyong’s legs, which were still being hugged, and instead lets them close around his waist in a firm grip — he loves this position, having less leverage to move but feeling Taeyong’s entire body trying to pull him in. 

“Johnny,” Taeyong breaths out, and Johnny pushes himself inside.

Doyoung prepared him well, enough that it’s not too much of an effort, but Taeyong is always tight for Johnny — he can see now, how his cock has significant more girth than Doyoung’s, but he tries not to let it get to his head. He goes slow, makes sure Taeyong can feel the drag for as long as he can, watching with heavy eyes for the choked out sounds the younger lets out. When he finally bottoms out, Taeyong’s muscles keeps spasming at the stimulation, and Doyoung’s fingers card through his hair as they wait for Taeyong’s breathing to calm down. 

“Relax, Taeyong.” Doyoung comforts. “Isn’t he filling you good? Isn’t that what you wanted, what you love?”

Johnny groans, and Taeyong nods, eyes finally opening again to look between his boyfriend and his lover. He looks so good like this, right in between the two of them, and there’s a fleeting thought going through Johnny’s mind about how this is where Taeyong  _ belongs _ . 

Taeyong’s hand curls around Doyoung’s nape, pulling his boyfriend down for a kiss, and it’s the first time in the entire night Johnny feels something unpleasant tug at him; usually now would be the moment he leans down to kiss Taeyong, and he probably still could, but there’s still something about watching the couple kiss that feels untouchable to him. Instead, he lets his hand rub comfortingly from Taeyong’s thighs to his abdomen, giving the younger’s smaller cock a few loose flicks of his wrist to help him relax.

Doyoung is the one who pulls away first, and Taeyong’s eyes are back on Johnny, nodding up at him. “Move, please.”

His voice already sounds small, high pitched and tight, and Johnny doesn’t need to hear the pleading twice to start pulling back, and then thrusting forward in a single sharp move. 

Johnny doesn’t tease, doesn’t build it up like he usually would — there’s something burning at him, and right now all he wants is to fuck Taeyong into the bed, an unjustified desire to show both him and his boyfriend how good Johnny can make Taeyong feel. He’s not too fast, but he goes deep: strong, firm thrusts that go all the way and stab at Taeyong’s most inner walls, dragging cries that sometimes edge into screams depending on Johnny’s angle. 

Doyoung watches them go at it from the side at first, lazily jerking himself off, but then he’s leaning down to kiss Taeyong's ear. His voice isn’t necessarily a whisper, but it’s low enough that Johnny needs to slow down so he can listen in to what he’s saying. “Can you make me feel good while you get your hole fucked, Taeyong?” 

Taeyong nods, looking up at his boyfriend desperate to please. Doyoung smirks, licking his lips. “Yeah? Can you take care of your boyfriend even while you whore out your hole to Johnny?”

“Jesus christ, Doyoung.” Johnny mutters under his breath, but Doyoung only laughs. 

Johnny expects Doyoung to climb over Taeyong to get his boyfriend to suck him off, maybe fuck his throat as that seems like something he would like. He’s surprised when he sees Doyoung straddle Taeyong while facing him instead, hovering over the older’s face and glancing over his shoulder to say. “Make sure to hold me open while you do it, ok?”

Taeyong’s hand move up in a second, and only then Johnny understand what Doyoung wants; as Taeyong spreads his boyfriend’s cheek open, Doyoung finally sits down, and Johnny gets first row view to the way his mouth falls open in pleasure at having Taeyong licking him out. 

The sight of Doyoung riding Taeyong’s face while the younger makes the most lewd wet noises spurs Johnny on more than anything else he’s seen the entire evening — his pace is so longer so focused, but instead he finds himself making desperate thrust to his hips, so strong that Taeyong’s body keeps moving upwards in the bed. 

Johnny can’t take his eyes off of Doyoung, the way his entire body twists in front of him, how his hips move practically by themselves in small but surprisingly fast grinds on Taeyong’s tongue. He’s the loudest he’s been the entire night now, letting out these breathy moans that sound so much like he’s singing, and the way his eyes stay shut but his tongue is nearly lolling out makes Johnny’s cock  _ throb  _ inside of Taeyong. 

Johnny’s hand move from where he’s been holding at Taeyong’s thighs to grab at his waist instead, allowing him more leverage to fuck the younger even harder. Doyoung doesn’t even have to move anymore — the way Taeyong’s body is being thrust up and down on the sheets make him lick from his boyfriend’s balls to his perineum back to his hole, the noise of his moans being muted out by Doyoung’s ass on his mouth the most erotic experience Johnny has had in a long time. 

When Doyoung leans forward, placing his hands in each side of Taeyong’s waist and sticking his ass out, Johnny has to lean back so that their heads don’t accidentally knock on each other. With Doyoung bent over, he can see more clearly, the long line to his spine down to Taeyong’s face sticking out from Doyoung’s ass, pushing his head up so that he can repeatedly fuck into Doyoung’s hole with his tongue. 

“Fuck, yeah,  _ Taeyong _ .” Doyoung moans, breathy. “Keep going, right there.”

Johnny can feel how close he is, the pressure in his lower stomach building to every moan both Taeyong and Doyoung let out, but he doesn’t want to be the first one to come. Instead, he leans back on his heels, and instead of the long thrust he’s been doing before, starts to grind his cock inside of Taeyong, until he can feel the head of his dick rubbing on the small bundle of nerves that gets the younger to cry out. 

There’s a jolt to Doyoung at the same time that Johnny doesn’t understand at first, but then the younger is throwing a glare to his boyfriend over his shoulder. “Did you just  _ bite  _ me?”

Taeyong’s giggle is a lot more strained than usual, but the mirth is still there. “You love it, Doie.”

When Doyoung leans back to his previous position, he doesn’t close his eyes this time — instead, he watches the sensual roll of Johnny’s hips, and their gazes hold each other for a long time. It’s like neither of them can look away, and as Johnny thrusts, he knows he’s not just chasing Taeyong’s orgasms, but showing off to Doyoung too; the ugly little monster of pride desperate to get his lover to cum untouched on his cock. 

It seems to work, because Taeyong’s mewls of pleasure keep growing more urgent, and from Doyoung’s expression, so does his tongue work. Doyoung’s hand keep is moving so fast on his own cock now that there's a wet sound of precum to every pump. 

“Are you going to cum, Yongie?” Johnny asks, pushing himself to the hilt. “Can you make Doyoungie come before you, then?”

Doyoung glares at Johnny, but whatever curse he was about to bite at the nickname is stopped when one of Taeyong’s hands moves, and Doyoung cries out a drawn out moan His entire body is trembling now, twisting in an attempt of pushing into the stimulation and running away at the same time, and only when Johnny twists his body he can see that Taeyong now has a finger inside, working in a frantic pace as his tongues licks out the swollen rim of Doyoung’s ass.

Doyoung’s cock keeps twitching, red and hard as it stands against his abdomen, but Doyoung is too stimulated to be able to continue touching himself: everytime he tries his hand ends up falling away, and he’s left making a sound of needy frustration. 

Johnny knows he shouldn’t, but he also doesn’t care — he starts moving his hips faster again, barely pulling himself away so that it’s not much more than desperate humps, and his hand reaches forward to circle around Doyoung’s cock, jerking it hard and fast just like the younger was doing before. 

“ _ Fuck _ , Johnny.” Doyoung shouts, and his entire body curls forward. He doesn’t stop Johnny though, lets him keep touching him at the same pace he thrusts into Taeyong, and it doesn’t take longer than a minute before Doyoung is arching his body and panting his entire chest white. 

Johnny keeps jerking him through it even at an odd angle, watching as Doyoung slides down lower in Taeyong’s body, until he falls to the side to catch his breath. Taeyong finally comes into Johnny’s sight again, entire face red and wet with his own spit, and the older can’t resist: he reaches over and wipes Doyoung’s cum from his fingers in Taeyong’s face, watching as his tongue sticks out to try and catch it as much as he can. 

“Did so good, Yongie,” Johnny grunts out in between his thrusts, now letting Taeyong sucks the pad of his fingers into his mouth. “Made Doyoung come so pretty, made us both feel so good.”

Johnny doesn’t last — Taeyong’s tight walls cramping around him as he approaches his own orgasm, paired with the view of the younger’s cum dirty face and most beautiful bright eyes looking up at him is enough to bring him over the edge, spilling deep inside of Taeyong with one last thrust. He’s not surprised that being pumped with hot cum is what gets Taeyong too, only moves his hand to touch him through it, smug satisfaction at how long it lasts. 

The room is silent save for their panting as the three come down from their highs, and Johnny lets himself close his eyes for a minute. He anticipates himself freaking out about the whole thing, but surprisingly, the crushing wave of anxiety and regret doesn't come — he’s tired and still in his post-coital glaze, but his mind is serene, and he’s not sure if that's a good sign or not. 

Johnny’s brought out of his reverie by the delightful sound of Taeyong’s laughter, still so bright even when he’s drained. “I can’t believe I was the one getting fucked and I was still the last to come. What was going on down there towards the end?”

Johnny exchanges a look with Doyoung, who’s just now sitting up on the bed, and the memory of the way Doyoung moaned out his name immediately fills his mind. “If we tell you, you’ll want to go another round.”

Doyoung breathes out a laugh, and then stands up, giving both the men in bed a nice view of his ass, wet and red. “I’m going to get a towel, don’t pull out yet.”

They watch him leave the room, legs a little wobbly, and Johnny lets out a drawn out sigh. He looks down at Taeyong, and the younger is staring back at him, studying his expression; Johnny lets himself be tugged until he’s laying down over his lover, kissing him gently. 

This is familiar — Taeyong’s warmth, the lazy curl of his tongue around his. Johnny wants nothing more than to roll to the side, pull the younger against his chest and fall asleep with Taeyong in his arms. 

“Did you like it?” Taeyong asks, and his voice sounds unsure. “We didn’t—  _ pressure  _ you into it or anything, right?”

Johnny leans away, surprised at the question. “What? Of course not, Yongie. I don’t know if you noticed, I got off on it just as much as you did.”

He watches as Taeyong’s expressions relaxes, and his hum trails off to a smile. He leans up, kissing Johnny again. “Just making sure.”

When Doyoung comes back with a warm towel, he takes care of most of the aftercare, wiping down Taeyong after Johnny slips out. Johnny tries not to let himself sulk about it, even if it feels weird to have someone else looking after Taeyong right after  _ he  _ fucked him, and just accepts the other towel Doyoung offers him, trying his best to clean his hand and sensitive dick. Doyoung is suspiciously quiet through it all, but Johnny can’t quite tell if he’s just tired or deep in thought. 

Taeyong kindly offers for Johnny to sleep in bed with them, but of course Johnny declines; to Taeyong’s credit, he doesn’t seem surprised, only begins to fuss about grabbing the most comfortable blanket they have and as many pillows as he can, insisting on following Johnny to the living room to help him set it up. 

Their couch is surprisingly comfortable, and just a little small for Johnny, which he counts as a win. He laughs at Taeyong, kneeling on his side and adjusting the blankets and pillows. “You don’t have to tuck me in, Yongie.”

Taeyong pouts. “Shut up, I want to.” 

Johnny lets him then, and doesn’t protest when the younger stays with him for a little while, making conversation about the following day until Johnny’s eyes become heavy with sleep. Taeyong leans down, giving Johnny one last goodnight kiss and a promise to make coffee in the morning. 

Johnny watches Taeyong slip back into his bedroom, catching one last glimpse of Doyoung waiting in bed before the door closes, and then turns around and tries his best to fall asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so... yeah. was this in johnny's best judgement?? was it not??? who knows. at least the sex was great. curious to know what you guys think, though! (*¯ ³¯*)♡ 
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/seokuns)  
> [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/johnkun)


	3. to be enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Jaehyun is going to be so annoying about this.” Johnny chuckles hoarsely against Doyoung’s lips when they pull away to breath. He can feel Doyoung’s grin on his skin as he moves to mouth at Johnny’s neck, a little too rough not to leave marks, but Johnny is too far gone to complain. 
> 
> “He’s already annoying about it.” He bites, and Johnny is only a little embarrassed at the keening sound that leaves his mouth. “Might as well give him a reason to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *chuckles nervously* this one is a bit of a rollercoaster, but we'll see how you guys feel about it in the end (☆ω☆) please enjoy !!

After the first time, Johnny doesn’t think it’ll happen again. 

The morning after is a little awkward, but it doesn’t take long for things to fall back into a sense of normalcy: Johnny and Doyoung keep going at each other’s throats in the office, Taeyong still comes over to Johnny’s at least once a week, and for better or for worse, it’s like nothing ever happened.

Until two weeks later, when Taeyong calls him over and Doyoung is there. Or five days after that, when Doyoung picks them up after drinking and Taeyong gets both of them half naked before they even make it to the apartament. Or the time after that, and the next and the next, until Taeyong calling Johnny over becomes code for _hey, let’s have a threesome with my boyfriend, who you just got into an argument with earlier today_. 

It’s a weird situation, but Johnny tries not to overthink it — it’s not like there was anything ordinary about their arrangement to begin with. The sex is incredible everytime, there’s no drama besides occasional bickering over aftercare, and it’s nice to get the chance to shut Doyoung up every once in a while. 

Johnny doesn’t tell anyone, keeping it a secret even from Jaehyun, his best friend; he’s not necessarily embarrassed by it, but he’s not too eager to deal with the inevitable teasing either, so he just keeps it to himself. What Johnny’s plan fails to account for is the fact that Taeyong tells _his_ best friend, Yuta, who of course blabbers it to his _boyfriend_ , Jaehyun. The reality of it dawns on him after lunch break, when Johnny has barely settled back into his desk and Jaehyun is sliding his chair over, the most annoying shit eating grin on his face. “So, Doyoung huh?” 

Johnny rolls his eyes, pointedly staring at his computer screen. “Shut up.” 

Jaehyun laughs, so clearly having the time of his life. “I should have known man, all this quote on quote hatred was just suppressed sexual tension — that's always how it goes.”

“Make an announcement, will you?” Johnny hisses, looking around the office space paranoidly like Doyoung is going to jump out at any moment. “It’s not like that at all, we don’t even sleep together.” 

“Really?” Jaehyun asks, unconvinced. “Well, I guess from what Yuta told me there really hasn’t been a lot of _sleeping_ —”

“Jaehyun, please shut up. I’m technically your superior and I find discussing the details of my sex life in the office to be incredibly inappropriate.” Johnny adds firmly.

Jaehyun just stares back at him, deadpan, and Johnny sighs in defeat. “I meant that there’s nothing going on between _us_ , like— it’s about Taeyong. Like, it’s me and Taeyong and him and Taeyong, just… at the same time.”

His friend guffaws now, drawing the attention of some of their coworkers nearby, and Johnny has to pinch at his arm. “That is such a long winded and constipated way of saying you’re having a threesome. Are you telling me you and him don’t touch each other? Ever?”

“Well…” Johnny starts, blushing at the memory of how many times he and Doyoung have got each other over the edge with their hands, and that one time he came down Doyoung's throat. “But we don’t even kiss, Jaehyun.”

“Oh yeah, cause that’s totally the threshold for what determines "sleeping with each other".” Jaehyun makes finger quotes, face still red from laughing. “Just admit it Johnny, there’s no judgement here. Hell, I would be getting a threesome with them if I could, too.” 

“Yeah, well.” Johnny signs, resigned to going back to work. “You’re not practically in love with one of them, so.” 

Jaehyun hums, placing a comforting hand at the back of Johnny’s neck. “That’s true. But I trust you know what you’re doing, right?”

That’s one of the things Johnny loves about Jaehyun: he never tries to tell Johnny what’s best for him, and he doesn’t make him feel shitty about making bad decisions, because he knows Johnny’s brain already does enough of that. Jaehyun is honest, but also unwavering in his support, always showing up when Johnny needs him, and the older knows that if things go to shit, at least he has someone willing to help him pick up the pieces. 

“Yeah.” Johnny sighs, glancing at where Doyoung is just scorting Taeyong back to his desk. “I really hope so.” 

**kim doyoung** 🤬  
**[9:56pm]  
**you up? 

**me** **  
****[9:56pm]  
**Yes?  
It’s not even 10

 **kim doyoung** 🤬  
**[9:57pm]  
**taeyong is sleeping over at yuta’s tonight

 **me** **  
****[9:58pm]  
**I know, they just sent me a selfie

 **kim doyoung** 🤬  
**[9:59pm]  
** so  
you up?

 **me  
** **[10:01pm]  
** 😲😲😲  
Kim Doyoung  
Are you booty calling me right now?

 **kim doyoung** 🤬  
**[10:01pm]  
** nevermind  
go fuck yourself

 **me  
** **[10:01pm]**  
Hmm, but I have a feeling you want to do that instead 🤭  
I’ll be over in 20

 **kim doyoung** 🤬  
**[10:02pm]  
** make it 30, and clean up while you’re at it  
😉

“You’re late.” Is the first thing Doyoung says after he opens the door to his apartment.

Johnny is already starting to regret his decision — it was awfully easy to say yes when he was by himself in an empty apartment, debating going to bed or jerking himself off once, but now that he’s here and Doyoung is staring at him with that same unimpressed glare, Johnny wonders if he’s about to make his life a lot more complicated than it has to be. 

He steps inside the apartment without asking, bending down to remove his shoes. “Didn’t know you were in such a rush, Doyoungie.”

Doyoung scoffs. “Don’t act like you didn’t agree in less than a minute. And stop calling me that.”

Johnny straightens up once his shoes are off, and finally gets a good view of Doyoung. The younger is leaning against the closed front door, dressed down to that same silk robe that has taunted Johnny’s memories for a while, except that this time it seems only loosely tied at the waist, offering an expansive view of Doyoung’s chest when he shifts. His hair looks unstyled, a little messy like it was towel dried in a rush, and when Johnny lets his eyes linger on Doyoung’s face, he can’t tell if the flush to his cheeks is from a recent shower or nerves. 

Doyoung is hot, and Johnny is achingly attracted to him; those are facts he has come to accept in the last month, though what that meant was lost on him until now. As he feels his heart rush in anticipation of what’s about to unfold, there are not a lot of ways Johnny can lie to himself about the reason he keeps coming back, and how it doesn’t only involve the way Taeyong looks sprawled out in between them. 

There is no Taeyong now, and Johnny still wants Doyoung. Do with that as you will. 

He takes a few tentative steps in Doyoung’s direction, not enough to crowd into his space yet, mostly just testing out the waters. “What now, then?”

Doyoung quirks an eyebrow, like the answer is obvious, and comes closer himself, until they’re close enough to touch. “Did you clean up like I asked you to?”

Johnny feels blood rushing to his face, both from Doyoung’s tone and the memory of half an hour ago, where he fingered himself in the shower for the first time in well over a year. “Yes.”

“Then,” Doyoung’s hand touches Johnny at his abdomen, moving up and crumpling up his shirt on the way. “‘ _What now_ ’ is that I’m going to fuck you.”

Johnny tries to hide the way his body reacts to the words, a shiver running through his skin, but with Doyoung’s hand touching at his chest, he’s afraid it’s painfully obvious. They’re so close now, and Johnny’s eyes keep falling to Doyoung’s lips, mouth so small and tongue just lightly poking out — there’s a soft huff of breath that brings his eyes back to the younger’s, and he realizes the spark of mirth in Doyoung’s eyes, growing more confident at each of Johnny’s reactions. 

Johnny feels a tug of irritation at the sight, and he’s so tempted to pull away and leave him dry, but before he has the chance to, Doyoung makes the decision for him and pulls Johnny into a rough kiss. 

Johnny has seen Doyoung and Taeyong kiss multiple times, has become familiar with the way Doyoung takes effortless control of everything, but to experience it for himself it’s something else. It’s messy for the start, bruising lips and playful nips, until Doyoung licks into Johnny’s bottom lip and then it’s wet too, tongues against each other as they fight for meaningless dominance. 

Doyoung’s hands keep touching Johnny’s chest, before moving to his shoulder and circling around his neck as a way to gain leverage, pushing harder. Johnny’s own grip starts at Doyoung’s waist but doesn’t stay, roaming over the entire length of his figure until it dips under the robe, grabbing playfully at his thighs. The choked off noise Doyoung makes seems to indicate he likes that, so with his free hand Johnny quickly undoes the loose tie to the fabric, feeling it open and pressing himself against Doyoung’s body.

Johnny takes advantage of his height to start moving Doyoung backwards; the younger resists for a second, pushing back just to be aggravating, but eventually gives in when Johnny bites meanly at his lip. There’s no gentleness in their movements, and Doyoung doesn’t even blink at the strength in which his back hits the wall: only tugs at Johnny’s hair, so sharp it makes him wince. 

It’s clear how both of them are used to kissing Taeyong, who doesn’t usually fight back, but in a surprising twist the way neither is willing to pull back only makes it hotter. Johnny hates to admit it, but he loves this game of push and pull, is swallowing every single groan of frustration and arousal that Doyoung lets out, and he knows he’ll be craving more later. It’s addicting, and he doesn’t know how he’s supposed to go back to before after getting a taste of Doyoung tongue. 

“Jaehyun is going to be so annoying about this.” Johnny chuckles hoarsely against Doyoung’s lips when they pull away to breath. He can feel Doyoung’s grin on his skin as he moves to mouth at Johnny’s neck, a little too rough not to leave marks, but Johnny is too far gone to complain. 

“He’s already annoying about it.” He bites, and Johnny is only a little embarrassed at the keening sound that leaves his mouth. “Might as well give him a reason to.”

When Johnny takes a step back to pull off his shirt, he can see what mouthwatering view Doyoung makes. He’s still leaning against the wall, catching his breath, and now that his robe is completely open Johnny can note how he wasn’t wearing anything below. Johnny has seen his body plenty now, but this is the first time Johnny can reach out and touch, momentarily distracted by how smooth Doyoung’s skin feels against his hand, trailing the marks he knows were left behind by Taeyong, until his hand is wrapping around Doyoung’s half hard cock, long and hot on his hand. 

Doyoung doesn’t protest the languid moves to Johnny’s hand, only lets his head tilt back and hit the wall, a long breath coming out. Johnny doesn’t know why he’s doing it, doesn’t have the intention of getting Doyoung off this early, but he’s a little drunk on the way it feels to have his cock heavy on his hand, and the knowledge that it’ll be inside of him soon enough. 

Only when Johnny feels Doyoung get completely hard does he pull away, wiping the precum in the younger’s own robes, which are soon to be falling to the floor. He works quietly through removing his own shirt and pants, and Doyoung looks at him curiously. “Aren’t we moving to the bedroom? Or are you bending over right here?”

“Oh?” Johnny taunts. “I don’t think you have the strength to fuck me standing, though.”

Doyoung laughs, gleam of amusement in his eyes. “Are you taking a page out of Taeyong’s book? If you wanted to be fucked against the wall, you just had to ask Johnny.” 

Johnny finds himself momentarily speechless, and Doyoung takes the opportunity to move off the wall, slipping his robe completely to the floor and stepping away. The older hesitates, wondering if he’s supposed to follow, but once he sees the soft light of the bathroom being turned on, he knows Doyoung is probably just getting condoms and lube. 

Excitement churns tightly at his stomach, and Johnny doesn’t waste time in removing his shirt and sweats, throwing that and Doyoung’s robe off towards the couch. He hesitates thumbing at the waistband of his boxers, but ultimately decides to leave it on — the idea of standing completely naked and waiting for Doyoung is a little much for now. 

But Doyoung is back soon, and he takes one glance at Johnny palming his underwear clad dick and rolls his eyes. “We don’t have all night, Suh.”

Johnny snorts, finally shoving it down his legs. “Why, do you have another dick appointment after this one?”

Doyoung waits for Johnny to be fully naked to press closer again, and when they’re kissing and Johnny’s cock rubs against Doyoung’s— _oh_. Johnny shudders at how good the friction feels, allows himself a few short thrusts against it, and Doyoung lets him for a moment, his own hands dropping the condom and lube on the floor so they can both sneak down Johnny’s back and grab at his butt. 

“I gotta say,” He smirks against Johnny’s lips. “You have such a perfect ass.”

Johnny hides the heat to his skin at the shameless compliment by tilting his head and biting at Doyoung’s jaw. “Yeah? Been staring at my butt a lot lately?”

Doyoung huffs a laugh, low and sexy. “Sometimes, when you’re fucking Taeyong, I think of what a waste it is, to have such a nice ass just there for the taking.”

The image of being fucked by Doyoung while Johnny thrusts into Taeyong immediately invades Johnny’s mind, and the only way he can hide his moan is by licking into the younger’s mouth again, desperate and hungry. Doyoung lets him have control of the kiss this time, kneading into the plush muscle in Johnny’s ass before giving it a playful snap. 

He pulls away, biting at the edge of Johnny’s lips. “Turn around for me, will you?”

And Johnny wants to protest, doesn’t want to make it so easy for Doyoung, but right now he’s starting to grow a little too antsy to keep up pretenses. He leans against the wall, cheek squished against the arms he puts up to cushion it, and feels Doyoung’s hand touch at his hip, pulling him backwards until Johnny is leaning into the wall at an angle more comfortable for the shorter men. 

As he feels Doyoung’s eyes on him, Johnny needs to close his own and take a grounding breath: despite how eager he feels, Johnny has never felt this exposed during sex, and the fact that he’s letting Doyoung of all people have him like this makes something confusing fill up his chest. There’s a moment of realization in which he sees how much trust he’s putting into the younger, and the surprising part is that he didn’t even have to think about it. 

He’s seen how Doyoung treats Taeyong, and he knows he’ll look after him too, even if in a completely different manner. 

Perhaps Doyoung can tell Johnny is nervous, because he doesn’t make any more comments — instead, he lightly touches at the low of Johnny’s back, letting his fingertips draw circles for a moment until he feels Johnny relax a little. When Johnny chances a look over his shoulder, he finds that Doyoung is kneeling down now, and the older tries not to blush at how his hole must be directly in front of Doyoung’s face. 

His body startles a little at the first finger touching his rim, dry. Doyoung just feels it around, tests it lightly to see how well Johnny prepped earlier, humming to himself afterwards. There’s the sound of the lube cap opening, and a few moments later Johnny’s muscles clenches at the cold feeling of Doyoung’s wet finger. 

“Relax, Johnny.” Doyoung says quietly, voice void of any teasing.

Johnny inhales deeply, almost embarrassed at the way he’s reacting to this whole thing, and tries to let his muscles loose on the exhale. Doyoung doesn’t waste any time before thrusting a finger in, meeting almost no resistance up to the second knuckle, and Johnny has to bite back a noise at the feeling of having something inside after so long. 

For the next minutes, the room is quiet save for Johnny’s panting and the wet movement of Doyoung’s fingers inside of him. It goes on for a while, Doyoung patiently building it up to three fingers with no rush, as as much as Johnny’s toes are curling and he’s fighting the embarrassing urge to touch himself for some friction, he also appreciates how the younger is making sure he’s as comfortable as possible for the next part — it’s been a while since Johnny's been fucked, and he’s not so eager to be in pain for days afterwards. 

That appreciation flies off the window the moment Doyoung moves his hand just right, and begins rubbing directly on a spot that makes Johnny’s eyes see stars. His legs nearly go weak beneath him, and there’s no muffling the cry he lets out. “Oh shit—What the— _Doyoung_.”

Doyoung laughs sardonically, cooing at how Johnny can’t resist rubbing at his leaking cock. “Have you been neglecting your tight hole, Johnny? Did you forget how good it feels to have it fucked just right?”

The lewd words make Johnny’s face _burn_ , but he’s too distracted by how his entire body is flaring up to respond. He feels the building pressure of an orgasm but can’t find the words to say it, biting his moans on his arm instead. Before he can come, Doyoung is pulling his fingers away sharply, the friction making Johnny nearly whimper. 

Johnny’s entire body sags against the wall, chest trying to catch up and cock still twitching in his hand at the cut off orgarsm. His mind is dizzy, clouded over by the arousal, and he almost doesn’t notice that Doyoung is standing up until he feels the older’s body come up against his, hard cock dipping in between his ass cheeks. 

“I should take a picture.” Doyoung says mindlessly, now rubbing the head of his cock directly in Johnny’s wet hole. “Send it to Taeyong. Bet he would get a kick out of it, seeing his big and strong Johnny shaking like this just at the thought of getting stuffed on my cock.”

“Shut the fuck up, Doyoung.” Johnny laughs, breathless. “You’re all talk and no— _fuck._ ”

Johnny doesn’t get to finish his thought, the head of Doyoung’s cock breaching his rim and just staying there, stretching him. Doyoung doesn’t move, just takes a few deep breaths Johnny can barely hear above the ringing in his ears, and it’s clear what he’s waiting for; Johnny tries to stand his ground, to resist for as long as he can before he’s moving his hips back, chasing the feeling. 

Doyoung lets him for a few inches, before thrusting in all the way until he’s bottoming out. Johnny has to squeeze at the base of his cock, so close to coming embarrassingly qucik, and the way Doyoung is cursing out behind him doesn’t help. “Jesus, _shit_ , just spent so long opening you and you’re still the tightest ass I’ve ever fucked.”

Johnny feels it too, the tight clench his body has around Doyoung’s cock, even though the older isn’t outstandingly thick. It’s like he can feel every pump of blood in every throb of Doyoung’s dick against his walls, and Johnny can’t decide between the desire of just staying like this, so pleasantly full, or having Doyoung fuck him already. 

A thought flashes to his mind, and he realizes how much he sounds like Taeyong now. It makes him laugh, and Doyoung hisses at how Johnny clenches on him. “What is it?”

Johnny shakes his head. “Nothing, just realized that maybe I shouldn’t tease Taeyong as much.” 

Doyoung laughs loudly at that, and it’s the one goofy sound where Johnny doesn’t even have to look to know his entire face lighted up. “I’m a hundred percent telling him you said that.”

“Go ahead.” Johnny sighs, smiling. “I’ll let him know you think my ass is tighter than his.”

Doyoung hums, and Johnny feels as he hesitantly begins to move, grinding his hip against Johnny’s. He leans over, his chest against Johnny’s back, and the height difference is just enough that he can nip at Johnny’s nape, moving to his earlobe. “I bet he’ll find that hot, though?”

Johnny feels his breath shorten when Doyoung starts to build a rhythm, hips moving fast and rough against Johnny’s, slaps of skin growing louder amongst the older’s groans. Doyoung’s mouth keeps running, filthy and with no hesitation. “Do you think he’d want to fuck you too?”

There’s no answer, only a groan from Johnny as he throws his hips backwards, and Doyoung chuckles. “Would you like that? Opening your pretty legs for _Yongie_?” He asks, mocking at the nickname only Johnny uses. 

Doyoung’s pace is merciless now, already so rough even though they’ve only been at it for a few minutes; Johnny wonders if he too already felt himself on edge before they even properly started. Johnny’s thighs are hurting, the position putting a lot of weight on them, and Doyoung notices when they start spasming; he pushes Johnny forward then, until the front of his body is completely pressed up against the wall, and Doyoung’s entire body is fully touching his back. 

This angle means Doyoung has to thrust up into Johnny, and he does it so roughly the older finds his body moving up a few inches, already so loose he poses no resistance to practically being manhandled. The friction from his cock against the cold wall is amazing, and the thought of leaving a mark of his precum on the paint is hotter than he would’ve admitted. 

“Or,” Doyoung continues, slowing down to where his cock is grinding inside of Johnny’s walls, trying to find that spot again. “Will you only bend over for _me_ , Johnny?”

“Ah— No— Oh, oh, _fuck_ .”  
  
Johnny's response is unintelligible, but he doesn’t care: all he knows is that Doyoung moved just right, and Johnny has never felt anything so close to ecstasy before. Doyoung keeps stabbing his prostate with sharp thrusts, uncaring of the way Johnny is squirming against him, or how the older’s voice keeps going up with moans that cut closer to cries by the second.

Johnny tries to picture himself, unfolding for the man he couldn’t stand for years, but right now, he can’t see it like that. All that he knows is that it’s _Doyoung_ fucking him, and he’s doing it so well Johnny can’t think of a single reason why he wouldn’t want to come back again and again. 

Doyoung bites into Johnny’s shoulder, and it takes a second for Johnny to understand what he grunts against his skin. “Shit, I’m close.”

“Me too, nng.” Johnny breaths. 

Doyoung’s pace increases again, trying to chase their tipping point, and Johnny’s hand is left trying to match each thrust with a pump to his cock. The stimulation is beyond anything he’s felt in a long time, the dirty sounds of sex spurring them on, and Johnny can feel by the quickening of Doyoung’s breath on his shoulder that the younger is about to get there too. 

Johnny cries when Doyoung’s arms hug his torso and pulls his back sharply against a push, feeling his cock hit him deeper than ever. It’s impressive, how even with Johnny’s weight entirely on him, Doyoung doesn’t stop moving. “Are you going to come now, Suh? Paint the wall of my living room all pretty?” 

Johnny doesn’t answer, only moves his hand faster, almost frantic now, and finally breaks as Doyoung’s hand feels him up and pinches at one of his nipples, _hard_. Johnny’s groan is drawn out, his body shaking as he watches his own cum shoot off, dirtying the wall paint just like Doyoung said it would. 

“That’s so— hot— ah, _yes._ ” 

Doyoung pants are short now, and Johnny feels him pulling out, so fast it makes him wince. He glances behind his shoulder just in time to see Doyoung finishing himself off, covering Johnny’s ass with spurts of white cum. 

In the seconds that come after, adrenaline finally running out, Johnny realizes he has never felt more drained after sex in his life — it’s one thing to take Taeyong for hours on end, but it’s another to have his life fucked out of him while standing. His thighs hurt, and his entire body feels numb; he doesn’t realize he’s leaning into the wall until he feels Doyoung touch his nape, the gesture _almost_ tender. “Everything ok?”

He still sounds breathless, and Johnny doesn’t dare opening his eyes to see whatever expression he’ll find. “Just peachy. Would really appreciate sitting down, though.”

Doyoung hums. “Just a minute, otherwise you’ll dirty the entire couch with cum.”

The time it takes for Doyoung to go all the way to the bathroom and come back is enough for Johnny’s mind to start working again, and he’s suddenly starkling aware of the position he’s in. He’s not necessarily _embarrassed_ , as Doyoung seems to have enjoyed it just as much as he did, but he’s not looking forward to whatever awkwardness comes now. 

Doyoung brings a warm towel again, and wipes it softly at the raw skin of Johnny’s ass, wiping his cum and all the lube out. It’s an uncomfortable feeling, and Johnny would’ve much rather having a shower, but he’s not sure he would make it through without falling asleep and he’s too hesitant to ask Doyoung to have one with him. 

“There.” Doyoung says when he’s finished, giving Johnny’s butt two soft pats. “You can sit down now.”

Johnny’s back immediately thanks him as soon as it hits the soft cushions of the couch, and he lets out a long moan of satisfaction. Doyoung doesn’t try to clean Johnny’s cock for him, which the older appreciates, and instead moves to the kitchen and brings both of them glasses of water, sitting on the spot next to Johnny to drink. 

“So,” He asks after a few awkward moments. “Are you sleeping over?”

Johnny thinks about how weird it’d be to fall asleep in an apartment with only Doyoung, and his immediate reaction is to say no. His legs, however, aren’t quite working at the moment, and he’s not sure he can drive all the way to his apartment in his state. 

He explains so to Doyoung, and the younger hums. “I can drive you, if you want.” 

Johnny weighs his options, and as much as he doesn’t want to be stuck in a car with Doyoung for half an hour, it appears to be the best one yet. “Alright then.”

They take a break for around fifteen minutes before Johnny finally has enough strength to put his clothes back on, and even so he practically drags himself to the car. Doyoung can’t help but laugh at the way he’s leaning against every surface on the way. “God, you’re so dramatic. Me and Taeyong get fucked all the time and live, but you’re acting like you just had a meeting with a dementor.”

“Maybe it’s because you fucked me _soooo good_ , Doyoungie.” Johnny teases with a lazy grin, and then laughs at the way it makes the younger flush. 

They make small talk in the car, the silence too much for either of them to handle. It’s not about anything important, but it’s a lot more civil than usual; Doyoung puts on some music, and they discuss their tastes, mutual artists they enjoy, R&B albums recommendations. Johnny thinks Taeyong would’ve been proud of seeing the two of them hold an entire pleasant conversation, but figures it’ll probably come up again when the younger inevitably calls to badger. 

“Do you need help going up?” Doyoung asks as he parks in front of Johnny’s building. “Don’t want to hear from Jaehyun that he found you sleeping on the stairs.”

“What a gentleman, but I’m good.” Johnny rolls his eyes sarcastically. “See you monday, Doyoung.”

Doyoung’s lips tilt up into a genuine smile. “See you, Suh.”

“You did it on purpose didn’t you.” Johnny spits, and Doyoung merely raises his eyes from the computer. 

Johnny is seething; they’ve just left a meeting with Mark where they were supposed to discuss the finishing touches for the update. _Supposed_ to, because turns out they didn’t end up being “finishing” touches at all: not when Doyoung surprised the entire engineering team by showing up with an completely new design proposal, which rendered the previous one practically useless. To Johnny’s chagrin, it was a great idea too — enough so that Mark completely scraped what they’ve been working on and told everyone to work on this instead, and with no delays to the already scheduled date. 

“Johnny, believe it or not, the world does not revolve around you.” Doyoung sighs, but he doesn’t sound irritated in the least; _bored_ , almost. 

“Do you have any idea how much work my team has put into this for the last weeks? And that it’s completely being thrown out now?” Johnny hisses, voice low as not to disturb the rest of the office (though he suspects all of them know what’s going on anyway). 

“That’s a shame,” Doyoung concedes, pulling his chair away to stand up. “But fortunately, not my problem. I’m going to take my coffee break now, if you excuse me.”

He leaves without waiting for Johnny’s answer, and the older really should go back to his desk. He could rant about it to Jaehyun for a few minutes, get ready for his lunch break with Taeyong and even shoot an email to his team to let them know they’ll need a new meeting before the end of the day. It’s what a responsable, _normal_ person would do. 

Instead, he follows Doyoung to the break room, smoke practically bellowing out of his ears. 

“God, do you even hear yourself?” He starts again, and Doyoung doesn’t seem surprised that he was followed, only continues to wait for the coffee maker to work. “Do you have an ounce of respect for the work we put into making the update _you_ pushed just so you could turn around and completely change it to your whims, without as much as a heads up? You completely sprung that onto us, in front of Mark no least.”

Doyoung turns around, leaning against the counter and measuring Johnny with an unimpressed stare. “Suh, my job is to come up with design ideas; your job is to make them. We both answer to Mark, not to each other, and he happens to have loved the new idea. If you’re unhappy about this turn of events, his office is at the end of the hallway and you can bring it up to him.”

Johnny knows it’s true — complaining to Doyoung doesn’t change anything when the order to scrap things ultimately came from Mark. But Johnny can’t very well saunter into his boss’ office (doesn’t matter how close they are) and throw a tantrum, so obviously, Doyoung takes the brunt of it. 

His silence brings a smirk to Doyoung’s lips, and his tone takes a teasing shift. “Except that you won’t, because you know you’re being irrational right now. The time you’re wasting with me here could be used to, you know, actually get ahead on your work.”

The frustration bubbling up in Johnny’s chest is burning, but way too familiar. His entire body vibrates, and he’s not convinced his face doesn’t look red at the moment. “You are just so— _so_ —”

Doyoung’s eyebrows raise in amusement, _challenge_ . He doesn’t say anything and yet Johnny can barely see beyond his petty need to _shut him up_ for once. 

He doesn’t know what he’s doing before their lips crash violently, and the startled sound Doyoung lets out into his mouth soothes the irritation while almost feeding into something else. Never one to fall behind, Doyoung kisses back — presses against Johnny, hands so comfortably tugging at his hair like he’s done so many times at his point, and the older simply pushes him further into the counter, the sound of the coffee maker and office conversation fading out. 

Johnny can’t tell how long they go at it, but it can’t be for more than a few minutes before they hear someone clearing their throat, and the break room door closing behind. Johnny jumps away from Doyoung, eyes wide in panic at someone finding them with their lips bitten red and hair tousled, but feels some of it seep away at the sight of Taeyong. 

His face is impassive though, and that alone is enough to brew a different type of dread in Johnny’s chest. His gaze flits between the two, lips tightening into a straight line, but eventually lets his eyes stay on Johnny. “Are you two done? Can I go get my lunch now?”

Johnny feels his neck and ears flush with embarrassment, feeling chastised by Taeyong’s cold tone alone. He nods quickly, and with one last glance towards Doyoung, he finds that the younger looks just as guilty, grabbing his coffee and making a quick exit back to the office.

Taeyong doesn’t wait for Johnny, only turns around and starts making his way. Johnny follows behind, frantically grabbing his keys and wallet at his desk before logging out, and he just manages to catch Taeyong again by the door to the elevator. 

The silence as they make their way towards Johnny’s car is unfamiliar, enough so the older doesn't know exactly what to say; it’s obvious that Taeyong is unhappy, and that is such a rare occasion on itself that Johnny keeps hesitating in finding the right words to apologize — or figure out exactly what to apologize for, even. 

He turns on the radio to fill in the empty space, and drives wordlessly towards their favorite restaurant a few blocks away. Whenever they stop at a sign he steals a glance at Taeyong, who’s more focused in frowning towards the window. 

As Johnny enters the parking lot and the car stops, Taeyong tries to reach for the door handle but it’s stopped, the thing locked. Johnny tumbles with his fingers until the younger looks at him again, and then he starts. “Taeyong, talk to me. I know you’re upset.”

Taeyong looks away, staring ahead. “Do you have any idea what a shitshow it would’ve been if anyone else caught you? That was so unbelievably irresponsible, I can’t even begin to fathom what was going through your minds.”

Johnny doesn’t have an excuse, so he doesn’t even try. “I know, and I’m sorry. I— I was the one who kissed him. I just— I hate him so much, I let my irritation get the best of my judgement.” 

“Jesus Christ, this is so stupid— you’re both so stupid.” Taeyong huffs out an unamused laugh, looking back at Johnny. He looks frustrated, and a little tired. “Like, you’re at our place three times a week at this point. We’ve been sleeping the three of us for months now, and you guys fuck even without me—” He reaches and pulls down the collar of Johnny’s t-shirt, exposing a constellation of red splotches. “—like, half of these marks aren’t mine, Johnny, and Doyoung came to work limping on monday. You don’t get to tell me you hate him, Johnny, because news flash, you don’t! You’re just both the most infuriating, emotionally constipated people I know.” 

Johnny is stunned for a second, processing through Taeyong’s outburst, and the younger takes the opportunity to reach across the council and unlock his door, stepping out of the car. It takes a beat, and then Johnny is scrambling to follow behind, walking into the restaurant without as much as a look from his lover. 

They’re seated and Taeyong seems dead set in focusing on the menu even though they’ve come here enough times to know what to order, and Johnny takes the time to let the younger's words simmer in his mind. His gut reaction is to defend himself, like Taeyong just accused him of something, but there’s a lingering sense of shame that can only be explained by the fact that he already knows that deep down, Taeyong is right. 

He doesn’t hate Doyoung anymore. Or at least, he doesn’t hate the Doyoung that texts him to comer over way too late at night, bickers with him over wine, offers dinner leftovers and lets Johnny fuck him to the sound of The Weeknd. 

However, that is a conversation Johnny is not ready to have, not even with himself. He wouldn't be able to fully explain the wide range of emotions Doyoung puts him through anyway, so it’s just easier to say he hates him and call it a day. 

Looking across the table to Taeyong, he can see when the tension in the younger’s shoulders starts to bleed away a little. He reaches over with his feet, hooking their ankles together as a sort of peace offering, and feels warmth when Taeyong doesn’t kick him away. 

“Yongie, hey.” He tries to get the man’s attention. “I swear I understand what you’re saying, but can we not talk about this right now? This is our one date this week, and I don’t want to spend it discussing Doyoung.” 

Taeyong’s eyes finally meet his again, and Johnny sees it soften. “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry, I don’t want to ruin our lunch or anything. It’s just— it’s frustrating to see the two people you love going at each other throats all the time.” 

Johnny chokes on the water he was sipping, immediately coughing up a storm in the middle of the restaurant. Taeyong scrambles over to pat his back, but the touch of his hand is burning as his previous words still shine like a neon warning on his mind. _Love_.

The thing is, it’s not like Johnny didn’t know — he’d have to be incredibly dense not to see it, all the love Taeyong pours him with. But it’s not something they’ve ever addressed, words he felt were on a silent agreement to never be said out loud, given their circumstances. 

When he finally recovers, Taeyong goes back to his seat and looks across at him sheepishly. His voice is small when he speaks again. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have told you that. I know it’s not fair of me to.” 

It isn’t, and Johnny’s heart can’t make up its mind on whether to hurt or soar. Taeyong looks so vulnerable though, Johnny only finds himself sighing, reaching for his hand over the table. “No, it’s ok. You— you know I feel the same, Taeyong. It’s just— is it ok if I don’t say it out loud?”

There’s a shadow of something that goes through Taeyong’s eyes, but Johnny can’t quite catch it before the younger is nodding. “Yeah, absolutely, don’t worry about it Johnny.”

There’s a lull in the conversation afterwards, Johnny trying to gather himself again and Taeyong still mulling over his own slip of tongue. Their hands stay intertwined, a point of comfort for both, until the food is finally served and Johnny sighs with relief at having something else to focus on. 

“God, I feel guilty.” Taeyong says before he even takes a bite. “This was supposed to be a nice lunch for _us_ , and I ruined it.” 

It makes Johnny smile. “Who said you ruined anything, Yongie? I’m eating great food at one of my favorite restaurants, while on a date with the world’s prettiest boy. In the grand scheme of things, this is perfect.”

Taeyong chuckles, looking touched at the way Johnny is willing to lighten things, let it all blow away so easily. He leans over the table and Johnny meets him without even thinking about it, a soft kiss that is nothing more than a chaste press of lips, but that makes Johnny’s entire body relax.

“Thank you.” Taeyong whispers, and it sounds like something else. He smiles then, a lot more genuine now. “So, what’s up with Jaehyun moving in with Yuta?”

They jump into the new topic of conversation, and lunch goes by without a hitch. Johnny tries his best to compartmentalize, and let himself fully enjoy Taeyong's presence, for both of their sakes. He still needs to go back to work, worry about an entire new update, maybe buy groceries on the way home — he can’t let his entire mind be taken over by his increasingly messy love life. 

It keeps him up at night though, tossing and turning; wondering what kind of twisted destiny it is to love someone and have them love you back, but still know that is not enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've been meaning to write bottom johnny for a while, and this posed as the perfect occasion to dip my toes; i just really love the idea of johndo being vers switches. 
> 
> tell me what you thought of this chapter, and the way things are going; we just crossed over the half point for this story °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/seokuns)  
> [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/johnkun)


	4. soup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When things have been bumpy for so long, sometimes nice is more than enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was a very hard chapter to write, and i'm not sure how i like it even now. still, i hope you guys enjoy the change in pace; this is very wholesome compared to what you've seen so far, but i know some of you were waiting to understand a little bit of the mess going on in their minds.

Over the course of the next few weeks, Johnny's entire life energy is slowly drained by work. 

Working on the update is just as hard as he imagined, if not more — he can’t remember the last time he made home in time, clocking overtime after overtime just to try and stay on schedule. It’s a dangerous combination of stressful hours during the day, where he's in and out of meetings with programmers on his team the entire time, and thankless work during the night, usually the last one to leave the office. 

He hasn’t been going over to Taeyong and Doyoung’s apartment either; he doesn’t have time for dates with Taeyong, and he and Doyoung haven’t spoken outside of the office since they fought (by coincidence or not, Johnny isn’t sure). Taeyong still brings him lunch by his desk, discreetly running comforting fingers through his hair and asking for Johnny to spend a few days with them, let himself be pampered, but it falls on deaf ears. Johnny knows he’s not good company right now, doesn’t have the energy to be the guy who makes Taeyong’s eyes crinkle in laughter or pushes Doyoung’s buttons with an easy grin, and the thought of showing a vulnerable part of him he hasn’t yet makes him nervous. 

As the deadline approaches, things only seem to progressively get worse. Despite how much work they’ve been putting in, they’re still behind on a bunch of features, and Johnny is starting to get worried they won’t be able to pull through in time. He's under so much pressure, that it shouldn’t be surprising that one particularly awful day is all it takes for him to break. 

Johnny always tries to keep up a positive attitude when he's at the office, if only because he knows his spirits have great effect on the rest of his team, but it's hard to hide how he feels like the world is against him today. He spends the day running around the office, tearing his hair out because beta users' feedback came in and a feature they thought was done isn’t working intuitively, and there’s not enough coffee in the building to stop him from having a mild breakdown. 

But when he finally gets home and the adrenaline runs out, all he’s left with is the bitter feeling of defeat. He sits down on his couch, and lets himself be drowned by the knowledge that all of it won’t be enough; he won’t be enough. Johnny has always hated crying, but with weeks of stress piling up, he feels his eyes get blurry and doesn’t try to fight it. 

It’s not dramatic, or a drawn out sobbing session; he just cries for a few minutes, lets his head hit the cushion behind him, but it feels so depressing. The fact that he’s doing this by himself in an empty and cold apartament, knowing he’ll cook an excuse for dinner and get into bed alone to sleep makes it all even sadder, and Johnny feels more lonely than he has in a long time. 

Eventually the tears stop, but Johnny doesn’t have the energy to get up and do anything else. He just stays there, feeling sorry for himself and measuring this up as one of the lowest points he's ever had, until his phone vibrates inside his pocket. 

His initial instinct is to ignore it, but a voice inside of him worries it might be an email from work, something else he needs to stress about. He reaches for the phone, and as the screen lights up, something in his chest lights up as well.   
  


**yongie** **💖  
** **[9:48pm]**   
hii, did you make it home already?  
don’t forget to eat dinner! even if you’re tired!   


He stares at the text for a few minutes, and before he can stop himself, he’s hitting the call button under the cute picture of them smiling. He doesn’t know why he’s doing it, or what he's even going to say, just that he suddenly felt the deepest need to talk to Taeyong, hear his voice, if only so he won’t feel so alone. 

It only takes a few rings until Taeyong picks up, an enthusiastic “Hey!” sounding over the line. Johnny can hear the muffled noise of TV in the background, and he pictures Taeyong and Doyoung cuddling on the couch, relaxing after a long day at work. The image fills him with so many conflicting feelings it’s hard for him to start pulling at the thread and figuring it out. 

“Johnny?” Taeyong calls again when Johnny doesn't answer for a second, and the older tries to shake himself out of it. 

“Hey, Yongie.” Johnny cringes at how rough his voice sounds, then clears his throat. “Sorry to call you so late.”

“Don’t worry, we just ate dinner.” Taeyong dismisses lightly, and his voice is unwaveringly kind. “Anything happened?”

“Oh, no, no.” Johnny tries to let out a chuckle, but it sounds empty even to him. “Just wanted to, you know, let you know I made it home and everything.”

Taeyong is quiet for a beat, and Johnny knows the younger is absolutely onto him — there’s no reason Johnny would need to call just to tell him this. “Did you have dinner yet?”

“No, I—” Johnny sighs. “I just made it home, haven’t even showered yet.” 

Taeyong hums into the phone, and Johnny thinks he hears the television noise being lowered. When Taeyong speaks again, he sounds gentle; like he’s talking to a wounded animal he doesn’t want to spook. “Listen, Doie made soup for dinner and there’s a lot of leftovers. What if we came over and brought you some?”

Johnny’s heart swells at the kindness, but he rushes himself to refuse. “No, Taeyong, you don’t have to drive all the way here so late just to bring me food. It’s fine, I’m— fine.”

He doesn’t sound convincing even to himself, so it’s no surprise when Taeyong doesn’t give up. “We can watch something together, if you want. We can stay over, or just me, if you’d rather.”

Taeyong makes it sound so easy, and Johnny is so tempted to say yes. He knows he shouldn’t though: it feels almost selfish, to interrupt the couple’s night in just because he’s feeling lonely. Johnny is not subject to their time, and neither Taeyong or (specially) Doyoung should need to look after him; he’s just the guy that sleeps with them, and even if he knows it’s not fair to diminish the entire relationship to that, it still makes him feel like he doesn’t deserve this. 

“Taeyong, you really don’t have to, I’m serious.” Johnny sighs. “I don’t want to get in the way of your night, both of you deserve some rest too.”

“There’s no reason we can’t rest with you, Johnny.” Taeyong says, and he’s edging into whining a little now. “You know I worry, with you by yourself in that apartament. Today was rough, and if you really don’t want us to come over it’s ok, but… I miss you, too. We miss you.”

Johnny feels his breath hitch, and it’s so hard not to cling desperately to the warm embrace of Taeyong’s words. “I don’t know, Yongie...”

There’s a soft noise over the line, and when someone speaks again, it’s Doyoung’s voice, clear and stern; no place for argument. “Johnny, can you please stop being stubborn for once? We’ll be there in twenty.”

Maybe in another moment, these words would be enough to make Johnny scoff; Doyoung is technically part of the reason he’s so swamped in work to begin with. But right now, Johnny just feels all of the fight leaving his body; perhaps just this once, he can allow himself a little selfishness. “Alright.”

Taeyong is back on the phone then, and Johnny can feel more ease in his tone, pleased that he got his way after all. “You should take a nice bath, meanwhile. I’ll let us in, get some use out of that spare key.” 

The memory of offering said key to Taeyong a week ago makes a modest smile bloom in Johnny’s face, the way Taeyong’s entire expression lighted up like he was being given the key to a palace. “Thank you, Yongie. You and Doyoung, actually — you really didn’t have to.”

Taeyong’s tone drips in affection. “We didn’t, but it’s not about that, is it? We’ll see you in a bit.”

By the time Johnny hears the muffled voices somewhere inside his apartment, he’s already been soaking in warm water for a while — an indulgent bath in which he even used one of Taeyong’s bath bombs he left behind. He debates staying in for just a little longer, until he remembers there’s a bowl of hot soup with his name written on it, and so he drags himself out.   
  
He wraps a towel around his waist and hesitates for a second, but considering the two people outside, there’s little reason for modesty. He finds the couple bickering near his front door, too hushed for him to figure out what about, but it stops once they both notice him. Doyoung offers a tight lipped smile, a little hesitant, but Taeyong beams, raising the container in his hand. “Hungry?”   
  
Johnny sighs, a little relieved at the familiar lightness of his tone. “Starving, actually.”

Taeyong hums. “Doyoung outdid himself this time, it just needs some heating up.”

“You say that everytime.” Doyoung grumbles, and Johnny finally notices how awkward he looks, just standing there. For someone who spoke so confidently about coming over over the phone, he certainly appears out of place next to Johnny’s front door. 

“The definition of outdoing yourself implies you did better than last time, which is correct every time.” Taeyong quips up at him, and Doyoung rolls his eyes.   
  
The sight makes Johnny smile, and he realizes how much he’s been missing this — having both of them around him, the way they fill up any empty silence with their chatter or with the banter. Johnny doesn’t know when this became so comfortable to him, a source of familiarity that feels _right_ , but he’s relieved to have it for tonight. 

“I think I’m going to get dressed but you know where everything is.” Johnny says, vaguely signalling around his apartment. 

Taeyong is already walking towards the kitchen, presumably to heat up the soup. Johnny is just about to go into the bedroom when Doyoung’s clears his throat, startling him. 

“So, I’m just gonna…” And he points weakly at the direction of the door.   
  
Johnny’s eyebrows furrow, confused. “Aren’t you staying?”   
  
“He is.” Taeyong says firmly from the kitchen, almost like he’s chiding. Johnny has the feeling this might be what they were bickering about.   
  
Doyoung opens his mouth and closes a few times, apparently trying to find the right words, but Johnny takes in his slightly frantic gaze and the way he’s shifting on his feet and he can quickly gather how nervous Doyoung feels. There’s a guilty feeling of satisfaction in knowing he can get that reaction out of Doyoung too, but mostly Johnny just wants to appease it — he doesn’t want Doyoung to feel uncomfortable in his place. 

“You don’t have to drive all the way back now Doyoung, you’re already in pajamas.” Johnny says, a teasing smile at the colorful print of Doyoung’s pants, so very unlike that cursed robe. “Just come in.” 

There’s a second of hesitation in Doyoung’s eyes, until his shoulders relax and he nods. Johnny tilts his lips up in a last reassurance, and takes it as his cue to go into his room and get his own sleeping clothes on. 

Fifteen minutes later, Johnny is already dressed to his favorite sweatpants, sitting down on his dinner table and eating one of the best soups he’s ever had. When he tells Doyoung so, the younger huffs in exasperation and tells him it’s only because Johnny has been subsiding on takeout for weeks; still, Johnny suspects the compliment does it’s job, because Doyoung tries to hide an abashed smile into his own spoon. 

Even though both of them already had dinner before Johnny called, they still eat with him; Taeyong says it’s because the soup is just that good, though Johnny secretly thinks part of it is just to spare him from awkwardly eating by himself. They make small talk, meaningless chatter about the traffic here and Taeyong’s parents who are tripping over themselves in excitement for when he goes to visit in two weeks, and Johnny feels his insides grow warmer for more reasons than just the food. 

They noticeably tiptoe around the elephant in the room, which is any office talk. It’s only when Johnny is already nearly at the end of his dinner and the conversation hits a comfortable lull that Taeyong reaches forward, a little hesitant but studying him with warm eyes. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Johnny’s gut reaction is to say no; the night has been going so perfectly, and part of Johnny just wants to forget about work and let himself have this. But maybe it’s the worry deep in Taeyong’s eyes, or how Doyoung grows quiet as if waiting for him to say something, but Johnny is so comfortable he finds the words tripping over his mouth before he can stop then. “I don’t think I can do it. The update, I mean.”  
  
And he lets himself rant, for the first time since he got the assignment from Mark and got into that stupid argument with Doyoung. He goes on and on about it, and the two of them listen attentively even when Johnny goes into detail about everything that has been going wrong, boring minutia of his work that they probably wouldn’t care otherwise, but that Johnny thinks they might because of how much it matters to _him_. 

Most of all, Johnny shares how stressed he feels, how much pressure he’s in. There’s a part of Johnny that cringes at how vulnerable he’s being, the same part that never lets him talk about any of this stuff even with Jaehyun, but it’s like once the dam is open, there’s no stopping himself. 

“I just—” He sighs, staring at his soup turning cold. “I don’t think we’ll make it, and it’s my fault, because I’m the one responsable for this. It just feels like I’m disappointing everyone, and that includes myself too.” 

There’s a silence after Johnny is done talking, Taeyong and Doyoung letting his words sit for a bit, but even before any of them says anything, Johnny already feels lighter in a way. There’s something cathartic about letting it all out at once, and knowing it’s out into the world and no longer your weight alone to carry. 

Taeyong reaches a hand across the table, palms up to offer for Johnny to hold it, and the older does. He finally feels calm enough to glance at his lover, and Taeyong looks equal parts saddened and determined when he finally speaks. “Johnny, you’re not a disappointment. We all have things we can’t achieve, and none of us are perfect or infallible, so holding yourself to that standard is really unfair. Even if you guys don’t make it on time, you already know you and your team put your best to it.” 

“Yeah, well.” Johnny chuckles, a little self-deprecating. “Doesn’t that only mean my best isn’t enough?”

Doyoung interrupts Taeyong before he can say anything else, the first time he says anything since Johnny began sharing. He looks serious, but his eyes carry a sincerity that shows Johnny he’s speaking from the heart, in his way. “It is enough, though. Your team is currently developing features that no other dating app has, and even if you guys don’t make it to the deadline Mark gave you, we both know he won’t blink an eye if you ask for an extension.”  
  
Johnny sighs softly, looking at where his hand connects to Taeyong’s. “I know. It just… it feels like an admission of defeat.”

“It’s not.” Doyoung says, and the simplicity and certainty with which he declares it strikes something in Johnny; he says it like it’s a fact, not up for debate. “It simply means you acknowledge your limits, and your team’s too. I know this is partially my fault for dumping all of this over you and not suggesting for the extension myself, and I’m sorry if the way I taunt you sometimes in any way indicates that this speaks to your worth or capacity as a professional because it doesn’t, Johnny. You’re one of the most talented and hardworking people I know, and I’m really glad I get to work with you.”  
  
The words come as a surprise to Johnny, leaving him out of balance; after years of digs at each other, this admission sounds like a lot more than what might’ve initially looked like. It’s not just a stroke to the part of Johnny’s ego that has always looked for Doyoung’s approval one way or another, but more so that Johnny knows how difficult it must have been for Doyoung to say it, and that makes it even more precious. 

Taeyong drops one of his hands from holding Johnny’s so that he can reach under the table, maybe to give Doyoung’s thigh his own reassuring squeeze, and Johnny realizes he should probably do something besides staring at Doyoung, because the younger is starting to look a little pink at the silence. Johnny smiles, aiming to lighten the mood. “Would you be willing to get that in writing?” 

Johnny is teasing him, but it’s harmless and Doyoung seems to appreciate it, offering his own smile back. “Call my lawyers and we’ll discuss, Suh.” 

There’s a small silence, and Johnny gathers himself for a second, knowing he’ll have a lot to think about later. He looks at both of them with gratitude for far beyond just their words, and hopes the feeling reaches them in a way. “Thank you for listening, both of you, and for what you said. It means a lot to me.” 

Taeyong’s expression practically melts on him, and Johnny chuckles out a light laugh when the younger hurries to stand up and squeeze Johnny in a hug, head pressed up against his chest as the older is still sitting. He runs his fingers through Johnny’s hair just the way he likes it, and speaks gently but with so much feeling. “Thank you for trusting us enough to share this, Johnny. You know we’re always here to listen; you don’t have to keep these things in if you don’t want to.”

There’s not anything else for Johnny to say, so he just raises a hand to softly squeeze at Taeyong’s forearm. The younger bends down then, leaving one last fond kiss at the top of Johnny’s head, before he’s pulling away and straightening up with a smile that looks a lot more at ease now that they’ve had this conversation. “How about you two pick something for us to watch while I clean this up, alright?”

It doesn’t turn out to be such a great idea, because Johnny and Doyoung spend so long debating over what to choose and criticizing each other’s picks that by the time Taeyong comes to the living room, carrying his favorite blanket, they’re still staring at the Netflix catalogue. With an exasperated roll of his eyes, he steals the remote and puts on The Office, much to Doyoung’s protests because he has never watched the show before and the other two are pretty far into it already. 

“If you wanted something else, I gave you fifteen minutes to choose.” Taeyong chides, tucking himself on the couch. “But we’ll catch you up.”  
  
Doyoung huffs, falling on the other end of the couch and reaching to steal the other end for the blanket. “Fine, but don’t complain if I keep asking questions.”

Johnny ends up in between the two of then, squeezed because his couch was never meant to hold more than two people to begin with, but it doesn’t take long before he’s switching positions, taking advantage of how eager to take care of him Taeyong is today and laying his head on his lover’s lap. His legs are long enough to go over Doyoung and the other couch arm, but Johnny is still a menace and keeps trying to get his legs tangled with Doyoung's, trying to steal his body heat; the younger tries to complain, but Johnny only has cheeky grins as answers and Taeyong is pointedly ignoring their antics, as usual. 

Doyoung’s revenge comes in the form of asking as many questions about the show as he possibly can, enough that they spend more time recapping the last seasons than actually watching the episodes on TV. Johnny thinks that the and Taeyong will probably have to rewatch these next time, but then again, he’s starting to think there’s a pretty good chance Doyoung will be there too. He doesn’t think he’d mind it, if he is. 

They last three episodes and a half, and Johnny is unsurprisingly the one that starts to doze off. It was a pretty intense day, physically and emotionally, and his body is quite ready to shut down. Taeyong’s fingers on his hair are quite a lullaby too, and Johnny doesn’t realize he’s been going in and out of sleep for a while until Doyoung gives a soft shake to his leg. “Off to bed, before you drool on Taeyong’s sweats.”

Johnny sits up, body twisting like a cat before he falls back into the couch, all lax. “I need to get some sheets for the couch. You guys can take the bed.”

Doyoung tsks, pushing at him. “Don’t even, Johnny. I’ll take the couch, you and Yong can sleep on the bed.”

Taeyong yawns, already standing up. “Well, since both options have me on the bed I’ll be going ahead to brush my teeth.”

Johnny rolls his eyes. “You’re so spoiled. Maybe we should have you on the couch for a change.”

Taeyong grins lazily. “Oh? And you and Doyoung would be cuddling together on bed? I’m not so opposed to that.”

That shuts Johnny up quickly, and Taeyong spares a delighted laugh before he’s stalking to the bathroom. Doyoung is already standing up too, twisting his body so that he can give a satisfying crack to his back, so Johnny follows along, swallowed by the blanket on his shoulders. 

“I feel bad having me and Yong on the bed while you sleep by yourself here, Doyoung.” He says sheepishly, because he does; it feels weird, that Johnny is the one cuddling Taeyong to sleep with his own boyfriend in the living room. 

Doyoung sighs, exasperated, but Johnny thinks he can catch the hint of fondness in it; he’s becoming quite good at that when it comes to Doyoung. “Just go to sleep, Johnny, and take it as my apology over the whole update thing.”

“You don’t have to apologize for that, you were right. I was totally out of line that day.” Johnny finally gets the chance to say, and it’s another tick of his mental list that alleviates the stress. 

“We both were, if I remember correctly.” Doyoung’s tilts tilt up at that, a little mischievously. He hesitates for a second, but when he speaks again, there’s a softness to his tone Johnny doesn’t think he’s heard before from Doyoung, not directed at him. “Besides, Taeyong probably would’ve found a way to come sleep on the couch with you. He’s missed you a lot, you know.” 

There’s a second in which Doyoung doesn’t break eye contact, like his eyes are saying something beyond his words, and only after does Johnny understands what goes unsaid.

“I missed him, too.” Johnny says it, and smiles. He doesn’t know if a simple gesture expresses all the words that still need saying, but he doesn’t quite know what those words are yet anyway, so a smile is all he has. Doyoung seems satisfied by it, turning around with one last shy grin, and following quietly to brush his teeth too. 

Taeyong fusses over settling the couch for Doyoung the same way he always did for Johnny, but Johnny watches with amusement as it goes very differently, Doyoung slightly annoyed by the way Taeyong keeps trying to tuck him in “correctly.” Johnny bids Doyoung goodnight, trying not to coo when the younger slips in his retainer, and moves to the bedroom to give the couple some privacy.   
  
Taeyong comes back in when Johnny is almost done fixing the bed, and the smaller takes one look at him before gently pushing Johnny into bed, giggling at the way he softly bounces on the mattress. “You look exhausted, Johnny. I’ll set the alarm.”

Johnny climbs under the blanket then, watching with his head against the pillow as Taeyong goes around the room, doing all the small things he knows are part of his routine: checking to see if the windows are closed, fixing the curtains, placing a glass of water on the bedside table and only then getting into bed to set the alarm for next morning. Johnny waits for after he’s done to pull him in, tucking Taeyong’s smaller body into his until he’s completely wrapped around him, much to Taeyong’s amusement. 

“Am I your personal teddy bear tonight?” He giggles, voice muffled on Johnny’s neck. 

“Serves you right.” Johnny replies, words already slurring. “All those times you used me as your personal pillow.”

“That’s because you’re soft and comfortable. I’m all bony, it’s not even that nice to hug.”

“Oh?” Johnny questions, squeezing him closer. “Seems pretty nice to me.” 

Taeyong giggles again, and he squirms a bit to find himself a more comfortable position. He’s quiet for a second, and Johnny opens one of his eyes to find Taeyong staring at him, gaze so full of something Johnny already knows the name of. Something Taeyong hasn’t said again since that one time. 

Sometimes Johnny wishes he would, though he doesn’t know how he would feel if he did. He thinks that if whispered into the silence right now, he might say it back. 

Taeyong doesn’t, of course; instead he tilts himself up, catching Johnny’s lips in the gentlest of kisses, so innocent and yet more than enough to have Johnny’s heart staccato. Taeyong pulls aways then, letting his head cuddle further in the dip of Johnny’s neck.   
  
“Goodnight, Johnny.” _I love you_. 

“Goodnight, Yongie.” _I love you, too_. 

(The next morning, Johnny wakes up to Doyoung complaining about how much his couch makes his back hurt, and Taeyong nearly breaking his french-press trying to make the three of them coffee. It’s chaotic, and loud, and nothing like Johnny’s usual peaceful morning before work, but he can't help but foolishly think he wouldn't trade it.)

A week before the original deadline for the update, Johnny bites the bullet and asks Mark for a delay in the release, Doyoung’s words ringing on his mind. Like the head of design expected, Mark grants it with little complaints except for the fact that it took so long for Johnny to ask in the first place. It shouldn’t be surprising, how lighter Johnny feels after stepping out of Mark’s office, but he’s still proud of himself for having his chest filled with ease instead of the dread of failure he once thought he would. 

Things run a lot more smoothly after that, and it’s a welcome reminder to Johnny that this is how he thrives, getting to work at his pace and in his own way. Not only is his team a lot more productive having a bigger time frame to work with, but a less stressed out Johnny means his mind is so much clearer to deal with any issues that come up. 

The lift in his mood is the most noticeable part of it, and for some reason it seems to affect the rest of the office too. Johnny didn’t even realize the dark cloud looming over him was that noticeable, but Jaehyun says it was making everyone uneasy; “Dude, it was so weird to not have you cracking jokes or laughing. Like, the whole office felt so… silent.”

Work hasn’t been the only thing running smoothly in the office these days though, and it’s certainly not the current topic of watercooler gossip. More intriguing to everyone is the fact that Johnny and Doyoung, only weeks after going at each other’s throats, seem to be acting civil — some might say even _friendly_ , taking coffee breaks together or chatting idly by each other’s desk. The bickering and the jabs aren’t gone, so no one is inclined to believe they were replaced by robots yet, but it’s different now; there’s an edge of teasing that looks a lot more innocent than their previous spite, and it’s throwing everyone out for a loop. 

Johnny has to admit that after that night, something did change between the two. Perhaps Doyoung really felt remorseful for indirectly feeding into Johnny’s stress and hidden insecurities, because he pulled back a lot from acting like a total dickhead about work, and Johnny found himself naturally doing the same thing. It took a minute for Jaehyun to get used to it: years of trying to get them to act like normal human beings for things to smooth over so easily — according to him (and to Taeyong’s agreement), it really goes to show how dumb the whole thing was to begin with. They were infuriating each other just for the sake of it, stuck in a feedback circle of assholeness. 

Turns out, having adult discussions about things they didn’t agree with in each other’s work is a lot more productive than throwing passive aggressive comments about it — who knew.

There has been some progress outside of the office too, though right now things between Johnny and Doyoung seem to be stuck in a weird in between, where they’re no longer what they were but unsure of what they can become. They’re trying to find their footing and figure out how to act around each other, how their relationship might look like as friends (or friends that sleep together and have unclear feelings about each other, that is), and it’s a learning curve. Johnny can’t help but think things were a lot easier when fighting was the answer to everything, but he admits the payoff of having Doyoung laugh of his jokes or play with his hair without the guilty feeling of wrongness is pretty nice, too.

Less fighting means more opportunities for the three of them to hang out together, outside of the bedroom too. Taeyong seems to be glowing these days, having lunch with both of them almost every day, planning little dates they can go to or small restaurants they can try. It’s nice, and in a way Johnny feels more part of the couple’s life and routine than he ever has, but it’s also a weird position to be in. It no longer feels like them and him, but something that is starting to look like us, and that’s dangerous — especially when so many things about their relationship and feelings are so unclear. 

Johnny knows he should take a step back, look into it and try to understand what he wants and how that has changed in the last few months, but he’s scared. He doesn’t know what he’ll find, or how he’s supposed to deal with it, and the idea that he’ll be the only one getting hurt in the end still rings on his mind like a neon red warning sign. 

So he pushes it off, waiting for the answer to unsaid questions to fall on his lap, or for something to eventually break — whichever one comes first. 

“Doyoung, don’t call the police, it’s me.” Johnny calls into the dark apartament, closing the door behind him. “I brought food.”

There’s no answer, and no sign of Doyoung, but Johnny isn’t worried. When Taeyong called him from his parents' place this morning, worried and trying to explain that Doyoung woke up with a fever and he couldn’t be back until the next morning, of course Johnny didn’t hesitate in offering to spend the day at their place. It’s not like he had much planned out except answering a few emails, and doing it from the couple’s couch meant he could check in on Doyoung, making sure the younger was taking care and actually resting. 

A part of him is surprised, still, that he didn’t walk in on Doyoung trying to cook himself lunch, or something else absurd. Taeyong warned him over the phone that Doyoung isn’t really the type to let himself be fussed over, but Johnny could’ve easily guessed that from his general reluctance to accept assistance even with work — what’s more concerning is the fact that apparently Doyoung has a history of lying about feeling sick as not to worry anyone, which means that if he willingly let Taeyong know about his fever, he must really be feeling like shit. 

Johnny leaves the food on the counter, turning on the apartament lights and opening a few windows on the way, eventually knocking softly at the bedroom door. When there’s no answer, he cracks it open just the slightest bit to take a look, and sees a lump of blankets he can assume is Doyoung’s form, asleep.

Johnny walks over quietly, crouching next to the bed and taking a better look at him. Doyoung looks deep asleep, face smushed into the pillow and mouth drooling the slightest bit, and Johnny might’ve appreciated how soft he looks if not for the fact that he’s obviously not well, hair and skin damp from sweat. 

His fingers brush a few of the strands softly, and he checks Doyoung’s temperature with the back of his palm; still pretty warm, though thankfully not burning up. His hand lingers, and he debates leaving the younger to rest for a bit longer, reluctant to disturb such peaceful sleep, but it’s almost one in the afternoon and he suspects Doyoung hasn’t eaten anything yet. The chicken soup will taste better warm anyway, and he needs to eat something before taking the medicine Johnny brought over, so the older moves the hand from his face to lightly shake at Doyoung’s shoulder. 

“Doyoung, wake up.” He says softly, watching as the younger’s face starts shifting, nose scrunching up as he clings to sleep — _cute_. “I brought chicken soup.”

It takes a second, but Doyoung eventually cracks one eye open, barely. “Johnny?” At the answering hum, he closes his eyes again, rubbing at it with his palm and sighing. “I told Taeyong not to call you.”

Johnny chuckles at that. “And you thought he’d listen?”

Doyoung groans, rolling over until his face is pressed fully into the pillow. Johnny stands up, about to leave and get the food ready when he sees how quiet and still Doyoung is, and realizes with a snort that the younger is quite ready to fall back asleep. 

“C’mon, get up, you need to eat Doyoung.” Johnny says more firmly, tugging at the younger’s blankets. 

“I’m sick! Leave me be!” Doyoung protests, nearly whining now. “I don’t need you to play nurse.”

“Tough luck, you’re not the one making that call.” Johnny says, unbothered and pulling at Doyoung’s ankle (only _partly_ to annoy him). “The sooner you eat, the sooner you can take your medicine and then you can go back asleep.”

It takes a second of unintelligible protests, but Doyoung finally rolls back, scooting over until his back is against the pillows; Johnny counts it as a victory. “Did you make the soup? If so, I think I feel too sick to eat it.”

Johnny rolls his eyes, letting the jab roll off of him. “Haha, very funny. I actually bought it from your favorite place, you heathen.” 

At the mention of the small family restaurant that makes Doyoung’s favorite soups, the younger perks up a little. He doesn’t seem particularly inclined to leave his bed though, only pulling his covers back over, and Johnny sighs. “Do you want me to bring the food to you?”

Doyoung finally smiles then, a satisfied thing that makes Johnny lightly scoff in fond annoyance. He shakes his head, moving to the kitchen but not without one less pull at the edge of the covers, just to be aggravating. 

Thankfully, Doyoung’s appetite doesn’t seem to be affected by his sickness; despite his protesting, he’s eager to eat his soup, mostly quiet but making sounds of approval every now or then. Johnny watches him, eating from his own bowl, and tries to gauge how worried he should be; the younger doesn’t look like he’s on the verge of needing to see a doctor, but he still looks flushed and like he’s about to fall asleep again. 

“Did you have any other symptoms?” Johnny asks when Doyoung is done, taking both of their bowls and placing them on the nightstand. “Like, throwing up and stuff.”

“Not really, just the fever.” Doyoung explains, already leaning back. “But I’m really tired. The back of my eyes are burning, so I just want to fall asleep again.”

Johnny hums, understanding. “Do you have a thermometer somewhere?”

Doyoung talks him through finding it on their medicine cabinet, placing it under his tongue for the next three minutes. His eyes slip closed meanwhile, head against the headboard, and Johnny has to resist the urge to move the strands of hair from his face again. 

Johnny checks the termometer once it beeps. “101.7º. Definitely a fever, but no doctor yet.”

Doyoung only hums, clearly interpreting it as his permission to go back under the covers. Johnny smiles a little, tucking him in properly, but doesn’t let him fall asleep yet. “You have to take your medicine first.”

The sick man whines, making absolutely no effort to help Johnny even when he hands him the Tylenol pill. The older ends up having to hold the water to Doyoung’s lips, watching him take a few sips so the pill goes down. Satisfied, Johnny grabs the dirty bowls before leaving. “I’ll be in the living room, alright?” 

Doyoung makes a grunt that Johnny interprets as an affirmative, so the older turns off the light and leaves the room, leaving the door slightly ajar. He washes the dishes quickly, putting the leftovers away for later, and then he moves to the couch, getting his laptop out and finally opening his emails to work. 

All in all, it’s a rather uneventful afternoon. Doyoung wakes up a few times, to go to the bathroom or to ask Johnny for water, but falls right back asleep again. Johnny keeps checking his temperature periodically, both to keep Taeyong updated and to decide if he should give him another pill, but as it starts edging into evening, Doyoung’s fever starts to slowly but surely go down. 

It’s almost dark when Doyoung finally emerges from the bed, Johnny hearing the soft steps behind him. He can’t help but smile at the image the younger makes, hair a mess and face a little swollen from sleeping so much, but definitely looking a lot less pink than he did at lunch. “Good evening, sleeping beauty.”

Doyoung has the energy to roll his eyes at Johnny, lifting his shirt to scratch comfortably at his belly button. “I feel really gross, I’m gonna take a shower.”

“Do you want some help?” Johnny offers, only to laugh at the weird expression Doyoung makes. “Not like _that_.”

Doyoung waves him off, but still smiles a little. “It’s fine, I’m not going to pass out in the shower or something. I think I’m feeling better now.”

“We’ll check your fever after you come out.” Johnny says, putting his laptop aside and pausing the show he was watching. “I’m gonna change your sheets and stuff.”

Doyoung looks about to protest, even if he’s in no position to be cleaning things up himself, but Johnny is close enough now that he can just lean down and quiet him with a short peck of their lips. He grins at the surprised expression in the younger’s face, pointing cheekily in the direction of the bathroom. “Are you going or what?”

Doyoung huffs, trying to play his flustering as annoyance and failing at it. “Just don’t get mismatched sheets.”

Johnny only laughs. “Noted.”

By the time Doyoung comes out of the shower twenty minutes later, Johnny is back on the living room couch, no longer working but instead just browsing through Netflix for something to watch. He nearly jumps in surprise when Doyoung plops down next to him, tucking his cold feet under his leg even though there’s a perfectly empty couch right next to them; Johnny tries to throw him a glare, but suspects the heat is lost somewhere when he remembers Taeyong has the same annoying habit. “You’re not tired anymore?”

Doyoung’s hair is wet and he smells like his shampoo, and when Johnny risks a look at him, his mind is filled by intrusive thoughts of _pretty_. “My back hurts from lying all day. Besides, I already told you, I’m feeling a lot better.”

That reminds Johnny of something, and he places the remote down to grab the thermometer left in the coffee table. Doyoung groans pitifully as soon as he sees it, and Johnny can’t help but giggle at how much of a petulant child he looks right now. “Again? That thing feels weird.”

Johnny cackles at that, head thrown back. “Dude, I’m sure you’ve had a lot worse in your mouth.”

The punch Doyoung throws at his arm makes him wince, but he doesn’t stop laughing even at the face Doyoung makes. “Gross, don’t call me ‘dude’. I feel like Jaehyun.”

The laugh trails into a smirk as Johnny places the thermometer under Doyoung’s tongue, and he wriggles his eyebrows. “What should I be calling you, then? Baby? Bunny? Sweetheart?”

Doyoung makes a sputtering sound around the object, aiming to hit Johnny again as the older dodges with another laugh. This is one of the easier parts of their new relationship, teasing and testing to see where he can push, how much it gives and what sticks; there’s a thrill of getting to know someone intimately like this. 

The thermometer reads at 100,1º, just under what’s considered a fever. Doyoung seems pretty satisfied with that, eager to offer an “I told you so” before he’s reaching to steal the remote from where Johnny left it. The older sighs, unlocking his phone to let Taeyong know, but he’s genuinely relieved that Doyoung is doing better. 

Taeyong doesn’t reply immediately, so Johnny focuses back on the TV, now playing Doyoung’s choice for the night. “The Great British Bake Off? Really?”

Doyoung doesn’t even spare him a look, only tucking himself more comfortable in his position and wiggling his fingers under Johnny’s thigh. “I’m sick, so you have to watch whatever I want.”

Johnny scoffs, though it’s mostly amusement. “Oh, so you’re sick now, Mr.‘I’m-feeling-a-lot-better’?”

Doyoung tilts his head then, grinning up at Johnny with nothing but mischief in his eyes. “Yes.” 

Johnny is, for lack of better word, a little smitten. 

There’s some nitpicking from Johnny’s part at first (promptly stopped everytime by kicks from Doyoung), but the show really isn’t as bad as he imagined. There’s an entirely wholesome atmosphere to it so unlike other cooking competitions, and Johnny quite enjoys Doyoung’s comments about which recipes he’s attempted before, how they turned out — he even makes the younger promise he’ll bake him something next time. After a few episodes, Johnny can begrudgingly admit that it’s a nice, relaxing activity for their quiet night in. 

They become so invested in the season, Johnny ends up bringing both of them the leftover chicken soup to eat on the couch. Still, about ten minutes in, they’re interrupted by Johnny’s phone ringing somewhere in between the cushions, and it takes a few moments to find it under Doyoung’s thigh. It’s a video call request from Taeyong, who must’ve finally seen Johnny’s text.

“Hey!” Johnny greets cheerfully, until the image of Taeyong fully appears on his screen. The younger is already in his pajamas, sitting against a few propped up pillows, and Johnny is taken by a rush of affection that is quite ridiculous considering they’ve seen each other just yesterday. 

“Hi, sorry I didn’t reply to you earlier, I was helping with dinner so I decided to check in.” Taeyong replies, smiling though his voice is already quieter, indicating how tired he must feel. He waits for Johnny to finish setting up the phone in the coffee table so that both he and Doyoung can appear in the frame, and once he sees his boyfriend, his smile widens significantly. “Doie, how are you?”

Doyoung leans forward to smile just as warmly. “I’m fine, I told you not to worry. Your unpaid nurse made sure of it.”

Taeyong giggles, and Johnny’s chest can’t help but puff a little with pride at having his help be recognized. “I’m glad I didn’t have to worry about you trying to fight him with a fever. Was he a good patient, Johnny?”

Johnny sighs, dramatic and exaggerated, only to make a face that immediately makes Doyoung protest, pushing at his shoulders and nearly causing the soup to tip over. Johnny laughs good-naturedly, shaking his head. “I’m just teasing, he was a dream patient, basically slept all day.”

Taeyong shifts then, leaning himself further back until his hair is all sprawled out in the pillow. It’s silly, to feel the urge to reach there and brush his fingers through it, but Johnny logics that with the fond way he’s looking back at them, the feeling might be mutual. “I wish I was him, then, this is the first time I stopped for more than fifteen minutes since I got here. What are you guys eating? Did you burn down our kitchen, Johnny?”

“You know, I’m really not as bad of a cook as you guys think I am!” Johnny defends himself, Doyoung’s shoulders shaking as he snickers. “I’m serious! What do you guys think I eat when I’m not here?”

“I unfortunately happen to know that most of what you eat doesn’t actually get made in your kitchen.” Taeyong attempts to scold, but he’s still smiling. 

“You’re one to talk, Taeyong.” Doyoung rolls his eyes. “I’m the only one here who actually knows what he’s doing.”

Taeyong gasps, half teasing but also legitimately offended to have his (honestly improving) cooking skills questioned. “Just for that, I’m not letting you eat any of the food my mom is sending back with me.”

“Oh yeah?” Doyoung challenges. “Then I guess I’ll have to give her a call to let her know.”

Taeyong scoffs, accusing Doyoung of being a snitch, and for the first time in a while Johnny feels the pricking feeling of being privy to a conversation he has never belonged in. Before he gets the chance to take over his head, Taeyong is back smiling at Johnny, brightly despite Doyoung’s taunting. “Don’t forget to get the containers I’m bringing you, Johnny. Seriously, you gotta try my mom’s cooking, she’s amazing.”

Doyoung makes something a little like a moan. “It’s true, I love my mom’s cooking but Taeyong’s mother… it’s something else.”

Johnny smiles, pricking feeling subtituited by unabated warmth. “I’ll let your comment about my cooking slide, but only because you’re bribing me with food.”

Taeyong playfully shakes his fist in the air, and Johnny laughs, wishing for nothing more than to kiss the man. Doyoung begins saying something else, but before he can finish he’s thought Taeyong sits up rather suddenly, interrupting him. A second later, the edge of a tiny nose and big brown eyes appear on the screen, and a child-like voice asks. “Who are you talking to, Uncle?”

Doyoung immediately perks up next to Johnny, recognizing whoever the kid is, and Taeyong only laughs indulgently. He pulls the child back enough that he settles in between his legs instead, and now Johnny can see a lot better that this is Taeyong’s nephew, Minsoo, whom he has obviously never met but certainly heard a lot about. 

“It’s Uncle Doyoung, baby.” Taeyong explains. “Look, say hi!”

The little boy beams at the name, waving his chubby hands enthusiastically. “Hi Uncle Doyoung! Uncle Taeyong said you were sick!”

Doyoung has to lean a little over Johnny so that his face appears closer on the frame, all bright gummy smiles. “Hi Minsoo, I was but Uncle is very strong, so I’m all better now! Sorry I couldn’t go see you.”

The boy nods, as understanding as a four year old can be. “It’s ok, you’ll see me on my birthday, right?”

“Of course.” Doyoung agrees immediately. “How else will I give you my secret present?”

Taeyong groans at the same time his nephew gasps. “Doyoung, you can’t tell him that, he won’t leave me alone now.” 

Doyoung smiles, but he doesn’t look quite apologetic. “He knows that if he makes you tell him, then I’ll have to change the present because it’s supposed to be a surprise. Right, baby?”

“I won’t ask, I promise!” Minsoo nods solemnly, and only then he seems to pay enough attention to the fact that Doyoung isn’t by himself on the tiny screen. He leans forward in Taeyong’s lap, curious eyes wide. “Who are you?”

“Minsoo!” Taeyong chides. “Don’t be rude.”

Johnny only chuckles, justifiably endeared (and a little nervous to be talking to someone from Taeyong’s family, even if he’s four). “I’m Johnny, I’m a friend of your uncle.”

“Johnny was taking care of Uncle Doyoung, like your mommy takes care of you when you're sick.” Taeyong explains, and the boy makes a tiny “o” shape with his lips; Johnny wants to sob at how adorable it is. 

“Are you coming to my birthday too, Uncle Johnny?” Is the next thing he asks, then. 

Johnny doesn’t know what to answer, slightly flustered by the sudden question, but Taeyong and Doyoung seem to find it hilarious, both of them cackling at the kid’s bluntness. Thankfully, Taeyong eventually does put him out of his misery, poking a playful finger into Minsoo’s chubby cheeks. “Uncle Johnny is a very busy man, he’ll try to but he might not, baby.”

The small disappointment in the boy’s face tugs so strongly at Johnny’s heartstrings that he’s practically tripping over himself to add an appeasing. “But I’ll still send you my present even if I don’t, alright?”

Minsoo brightens up again immediately, nearly jumping in excitement from Taeyong’s lap. “Really?”

Johnny nods, beaming so wide his cheeks hurt, and Taeyong only shakes his head in fond exasperation. “You’ll both end up spoiling him rotten.”

“That’s what _cool_ uncles are for, Taeyong.” Doyoung smirks, and doesn’t notice how Johnny nearly melts at being addressed as part of that. 

Taeyong narrows his eyes over his nephew’s tiny shoulder. “What’s that supposed to mean? I’m a cool uncle, right Minsoo?”

The kid nods, enthusiastically. “You’re my favoritest uncle in— in the whole world!”

Doyoung boos, teasing, but Minsoo is too busy being absolutely smothered with kisses from Taeyong. It’s the sweetest sight Johnny has ever seen, and he feels his energies recharged. 

They talk for a bit longer, Minsoo recounting in detail everything he and Taeyong did all day (no wonder the he looks so tired, it sounds like the kid ran him dry), but once his stories start getting interrupted by yawns, Taeyong has to cut the fun short. “Baby, how about you go and get ready to sleep, huh? It’s way past your bedtime.”

Minsoo shakes his head, even though he’s clearly sleepy. “I want to sleep with you!”

“I know, I’ll be right there baby.” Taeyong says. “I just wanna talk a little bit more with my friends, but I’ll read you a story if you listen to me well.”

That seems enough to coach the boy out Taeyong’s lap, but he still leans over very close to the camera before leaving. “Bye Uncle Doyoung, bye Uncle Johnny, I’m going sleepy now.”

They both share his good nights and wishes for good dreams with the four year old, who leaves the bedroom to presumably get ready for bed. Taeyong is once again the only one is the frame then, falling back into his pillows with a mute thud, rubbing his cheek into the pillow like a lazy cat stretching. 

“Maybe you should go sleepy too.” Doyoung says, gazing softly at his boyfriend. “You have an early morning tomorrow.”

“I know, I’m going in just a second.” Taeyong's lip turn upwards. “Just wanna get a few more minutes with you two first.”

He tells them about his day, which did mostly consist of Minsoo, but also the newest gossip from his uncles and how disappointed his parents were that Doyoung couldn’t come along. It’s nice conversation as Johnny finishes his now cold soup, and even if it’s not the same as when they all have dinner together around the table, it’s close enough. 

Eventually Taeyong’s eyes do start drooping, and both Johnny and Doyoung have to insist he goes, before he falls asleep on the phone and misses his promise to his nephew. Taeyong pouts, having enjoyed some time with them after an entire day of short texts, but he says goodbye anyway. “I’ll see you both in the morning, alright? You better stay over, Johnny.”

Johnny chuckles, nodding. “I was planning to, me and Doyoung still have a baking show season to finish.”

Doyoung giggles, and Taeyong looks in between the two. “Alright then, you’ll have to share that with me later. I’m going to go try and think of a bedtime story, but don’t stay up too late, alright? Love you.”

“Goodnight Yongie.” Johnny says back, and Doyoung adds an easy “I love you too, goodnight.” Taeyong seems happy with both the answers, throwing a sweet kiss to the camera before hanging up the call. 

They’re silent for a second afterwards, Johnny locking his phone and throwing on the couch again before stretching his limbs. Doyoung takes their empty bowls and brings them to the kitchen, and as Johnny checks the time and notices it’s still 9:12pm, he loudly questions across the apartament. “A few more episodes?”

Doyoung makes a noise of agreement. “Wait for me to finish the dishes.”

They continue watching from where they stopped, but the mood is different now. They’re a lot quieter, only a few comments every now or then, but the silence isn’t uncomfortable in the least; it feels nice, a peaceful way to start winding down for the night. 

Doyoung is still sitting next to Johnny, but he’s a lot closer now, their thighs fully pressed together. When the older throws an arm over the back of the couch, he doesn’t even think about it until he feels Doyoung inch closer, hesitant and little by little until he’s comfortably tucked in on the crook of Johnny’s arm. There’s nothing scandalous about it, but the fact that this is the first time either of them reached for this type of non-sexual intimacy still makes Johnny tense up in surprise. Doyoung notices it too, and perhaps interprets it as a sort of rejection as he begins sliding away — until Johnny lets his arm fall from the back of the couch to hug Doyoung’s shoulder closer, waiting for the younger to relax so that they’re effectively cuddling. 

Neither of them says anything about it, instead they just keep watching the show like this isn’t sort of a monumental moment for their relationship, that has certainly been through a lot. Johnny doesn’t care though, because even if his heart can’t stop rushing and his mind is filled with thought he’s still too cowardly to analyze, rubbing circles on Doyoung’s arm and feeling his voice vibrate along his chest when he says something is _nice_. 

When things have been bumpy for so long, sometimes nice is more than enough.

Johnny is the first one to begin dozing off, and he tries to fight it for as long as he can until Doyoung finally catches him, snorting as he pokes his cheek to wake him up. “We should go to bed, it’s pretty late.”

Johnny is about to protest, but the yawn he lets out is a betrayal from his body. He sits up straighter then, trying not to rouse Doyoung too much, but the younger moves away to stretch his arms over his head anyway. “Cool, I’ll grab a few blankets for me.”

Doyoung stops then, and visibly pauses. Johnny waits, raising an eyebrow, but the younger looks almost _shy_ when he says it, something Johnny doesn’t get to see often. “Do you want to… sleep in bed, with me?”

The suggestion is innocent enough, but Johnny feels his cheek flush immediately at the implication: him, cuddling Doyoung to sleep. “I— wouldn’t it be weird? It’s your bed with Yongie.”

Doyoung only shrugs, looking away. “I doubt he’d mind it, you know he wishes you’d sleep with us when you’re here.”

It’s true — Taeyong hates that Johnny keeps taking the couch, because their bed is wide enough to fit the three of them. Johnny has never felt too comfortable to take that step though, always thought it was a little too indulging of him, but now that Doyoung took the first step to offer it even though it’s clearly never wrecking for him too, Johnny can’t find it in his heart to decline and make him feel embarrassed to have offered. “If that’s what you want, we can do that.”

Doyoung nods then, giving him an tentative smile. He gets up, gesturing to the bathroom. “I’ll brush my teeth and stuff, I think your pajamas are in one of Taeyong’s drawers.”

Johnny has started to leave a few changes of clothes and a spare toothbrush at the couple’s place, after one too many occasions of going into work with Doyoung’s clothes that are a bit too tight on him. Jaehyun says it’s the most disgustingly domestic thing about the three of them, and as Johnny looks through Taeyong’s drawers to find the pajama smelling of the younger’s softener, he might agree. 

He waits for Doyoung to finish in the bathroom before he brushes his teeth, trying to fight the nervous butterflies forming in his stomach. _It’s just sharing a bed_ , he tells himself, _and you guys have fucked tons of times already!_ , but he knows that this is a big step for them, and being a little anxious is quite natural.

Doyoung is already under the covers when he comes out of the bathroom, scrolling through his phone. Johnny turns off the lights and follows along quietly, but it takes a minute until Doyoung is putting his phone down. “I missed so many work emails.”

“You shouldn’t be replying to those on weekends anyways.” Johnny berates, fluffing up his pillow before laying his head on it. 

Doyoung only rolls his eyes, settling on his own pillow so that he’s looking directly in Johnny’s eyes, faces inches away. “Look who’s talking, you were on your laptop all afternoon.”

Johnny hums, lazy. “Guilty as charged, but I wasn’t sick.”

Doyoung huffs, the minty air hitting Johnny’s face at their proximity. He doesn’t say anything else, only lies there looking at the older’s eyes, and Johnny is almost ready to crack a joke about how sappy this is is if it were not for his reluctance to break the atmosphere.

He doesn’t know how to reach for it first, but their lips are soon touching in a delicate kiss. It’s nothing like the way they usually kiss, always during sex — this is slow, languid, soft like a first kiss should be. Johnny cups at Doyoung’s cheek, coaxes his mouth open so that they can lick into each other’s mouth, and even though they’ve done this so many times at this point, it has never felt like this: warm, heartrushing, fluttery. 

Their legs tangle underneath the covers, Doyoung’s hand holding at Johnny’s waist, and it’s incredible to think how far they’ve come. If you told Johnny, half a year ago, that this is where he’d be with Doyoung, he would’ve never believed you — if anything, he would’ve laughed at the idea of him, sharing sweet kisses in the silence of night. Even now, the idea is so astonishing he can’t fight a smile against Doyoung’s lips, and then a short chuckle when the younger whines at the interrupted kiss. 

“What are you laughing about?” He questions, voice tilting into a pout. 

“Nothing.” Johnny pecks his lips again, appeasing. “Just at how inconceivable this would’ve been for either of us, months ago.”

Doyoung chuckles too, hugging Johnny closer so that his face is at the crook of his neck. “I know. I kind of hate that Taeyong was right, after all.”

“How so?” Johnny questions, curious.

Doyoung is quiet for a few moments, picking his words. “He— well, let’s just say he has a pretty good idea I was, uh, interested for a while now.”

That makes Johnny back away in surprise, trying to get a look at Doyoung, who seems determined to hide his cheeks from him. “You were _interested_ in me? How did he know?”

Doyoung groans. “I don’t want to talk about it, you’re going to be annoying.”

Johnny laughs, kissing and biting at the lobe of Doyoung’s ear just because he can. “Too late, I’m not letting you fall asleep until you do.” 

“Fine.” Doyoung sighs, rolling away to stare at the ceiling. “It came up during sex.”

Johnny sputters a laugh at that, leaning in his elbow to look down at Doyoung. “I’m sorry, you were talking about me during _sex_?”

“Taeyong talked about you, to try and get a reaction out of me.” Doyoung rolls his eyes. “I guess the reaction was a little more enthusiastic than he expected.”

Johnny whistles, ego too pleased to allow him to get embarrassed. “Damn, since when were you trying to get into these pants, Doyoungie?”

“God, wipe that shit eating grin off your face.” Doyoung protests, pushing him until Johnny falls back fully on the bed. “I wasn’t trying to get in anyone’s pants, I just thought you were objectively attractive, when you weren’t getting on my nerves.”

Johnny hums, still grinning, coaching him to continue. “When Taeyong told me he was interested in you, I think my exact words to him were “I get that he’s hot, but is it really worth it for all the rest?””

“Ouch!” Johnny says, placing a hand on his heart just to be dramatic. “It’s alright though, I know you’re sufficiently taken by my charms now.”

Doyoung snorts. “Yeah, something like that.”

Johnny has half a mind to keep teasing, but with the honest atmosphere, he might as well sate some of the curiosity he’s had for a while now. “So, when you flirted with me, like that day with the robe…”

“I was just trying to fuck with you.” Doyoung admits, grinning a little himself. “At first, at least. Until Taeyong told me he was pretty sure you’d be down for it too, so I just thought, what do I have to lose? I can’t stand him but the sex would be good.”

Johnny giggles. “Well, you were right — the sex was pretty great.”

Doyoung laughs at that, rolling back so that he’s facing Johnny again. “That it is.”

Johnny lets his hand run down Doyoung’s sides, until he can take a grip on his waist and pull him closer for one more kiss, shamelessly indulgent, until Doyoung eventually yawns into his mouth. 

“Really? You slept all day, Doyoung.” Johnny teases. “Am I boring you?”

Doyoung’s lip tilt up. “I could do with a little less gentle…”

“Just for that, I’m going to sleep now.” Johnny rolls his eyes. 

The younger still steals one last peck, just be antagonistic, before he completely rolls around so that his back is against Johnny. He doesn’t need to ask for the older to understand he wants to be the little spoon, and ultimately it’s not like Johnny minds — he pulls him closer, until his chin is hooked over his head, and they settle down quietly. 

_So much for getting some answers_ , Johnny thinks, a little overwhelmed with everything that has happened in the last few hours. He already knows that despite how tired he feels, he’ll probably be up for a while, replaying every gesture of affection, analyzing all of Doyoung’s words. 

Doyoung is quiet, and Johnny suspects he’s already drifted off, rather quickly at that. He startles a little when the younger speaks again, voice loud in the otherwise silence inside the room. “Johnny?”

Johnny only hums, rubbing and where he’s hugging Doyoung’s middle to let him know he’s listening. Doyoung doesn’t turn around, and Johnny doesn’t try to watch his face either. “Thank you. For taking care of me today, and— yeah.” And then, almost as a timid afterthought. “I’m glad we get to be like this.”

Johnny doesn’t know what to say, not when his heart must be beating so sharply Doyoung could certainly feel it against his back. He leans down, kissing of Doyoung’s nape, and his voice is so soft it doesn’t sound like him at all. “Me too.”

Once Johnny is once again left alone with his thoughts, all he can think about it's that he's been scratching at that itch for so long, it's starting to tear.  
  
Maybe it's time for him to find a way to heal it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is the last one (｡T ω T｡) i'm not ready to let go of these dumbasses. 
> 
> what did you guys think? 
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/seokuns)  
> [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/johnkun)


	5. to heal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Well,” Jaehyun says, nodding thoughtfully. “I think I know what you should do.”
> 
> “What?” Johnny urges him to continue, eager.
> 
> “Stop being a dumbass.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we have finally reached the last chapter, and let me tell you, if you also have a communication kink, this one is for you. 
> 
> today has been a long day for everyone, so i hope you guys have been taking care of yourselves. be kind to each other and learn how to take breaks when you need, even if it's hard to step away. i hope this chapter will make some of you smile, if only just a little (♡-_-♡)
> 
> (this was also more lightly edited than the last two, so forgive any mistakes.)

“Well,” Jaehyun says, nodding thoughtfully. “I think I know what you should do.”

Johnny perks up at that, momentarily stopping as he reaches for another fry. They’re both sitting at their favorite diner, a rundown place that sells amazing burgers for college student burgers, and consequently where they often ate lunch during their first year working together. It’s fair to say that Johnny and Jaehyun’s friendship was built within these cheap vynil red seats, and so to this day this is their favorite place to just hang out. 

“What?” Johnny urges his to continue, eager.

“Stop being a dumbass.” 

Johnny inhales deeply, taking a moment to debate what would be the consequences of punching his best friend in public. They’ve been here often enough that the waiters know them, so the chances of being kicked out are low, but he doesn’t want to make a scene; so instead, he kicks Jaehyun’s shin under the table, mildly mitigated by the younger choking on his drink.

“What was that for?” Jaehyun complains, reaching under the table to rub at the skin. “I’m being serious!”

“I took you out, paid for your dinner and just spent the last half an hour pouring my heart out for you,” Johnny narrows his eyes. “So forgive me if I didn’t feel seriousness in your four word solution.”

Jaehyun’s attempt at a pout would be a lot more effective if a grin wasn’t trying to fight it’s way out as well. “Who said that was all I had? I just thought I should summarize it at first.”

Johnny crosses his arms on his chest, leaning back on his seat. “Oh, then feel free to go ahead and give me the full version.”

“Dude, listen. I absolutely appreciate that you shared all of that with me, and I get that this is a complicated situation — by you guys’ fault, by the way — but the solution just seems pretty clear to me.” Jaehyun explains in between bites of his fries. “Just tell them you want more.”

Johnny frowns, shifting in his seat. “It’s not that simple.”

“Why?” Jaehyun questions, raising his eyebrows. “And don’t tell me you don’t know if they like you like that because I swear to—”

Johnny interrupts Jaehyun’s rant by shoving another fry in his mouth. “It’s not that, shut up. I— I know they have _feelings_ for me, yeah. But there’s a huge step between that and being a part of their relationship.” 

Jaehyun snorts, shaking his head. “I like how you said feelings like you were telling me they share a contagious disease. And is it really that big of a step, though? Most relationships start a lot earlier, in terms of feelings and shit. Like, me and Yuta took months to say ‘I love you’, and you and Taeyong are already there.”

It’s a good point, and Johnny’s been thinking it for a while — it seems almost ironic that his relationship with Taeyong is the farthest he has come in terms of feelings with someone else, being that he didn’t really love any of his college significant others, and yet it still feels like this relationship is the most fragile as well, where it’s hardest for him to find stable footing. 

“Well, most relationships don’t include three people.” Johnny says after a moment, picking up a fry and placing it back. “And two of them haven’t been dating for over a year.”

Jaehyun nods, and there’s an understanding that takes his expression. He pushes Johnny’s burger towards the older, taking notice he hasn’t been able to eat yet, and Johnny reluctantly takes a bite; it tastes amazing, and that’s a little consoling. “That’s what you’re hung up on, isn’t it? That they’ve already been dating for a while.” 

At least chewing on his burger gives Johnny a moment to stall, but he knows there’s no running from it. This is what he came here for anyway, to try and pick apart what’s going on inside his mind, and despite how uncomfortable it can be for Johnny to admit such vulnerabilities and insecurities, he has to. 

“I just feel like I’m never going to belong _there_ as much as they do.”

He says it quietly, but once the words are out, there’s a bubbling of other feelings coming to the surface, stuff he hasn’t allowed himself to vocalize before. “Like, how am I going to ever be on equal footing with them, if I already started out so far behind? It’s not that they don’t try to include me on stuff or make me feel left out, because most of the time it’s fine, but it’s just all these little things when we’re together, like memories I’m not a part of, or things about each other only they know, and… It just kind of sucks.”

Jaehyun studies him for a moment, thinking as he chews on his fries. Someone else might have interpreted the younger’s calm demeanor as a lack of interest in the subject, but Johnny knows better; the reason Jaehyun is the one friend he felt comfortable to go for a advice goes beyond how much he already knows of the situation, but also takes in the fact that the younger hides a lot of unexpected wisdom in his slow, easy way of life — a simplicity and clear mind that Johnny doesn’t have right now. 

“I get what you’re saying, but like, why does it matter so much that they have history before you? The way I see it, this stuff is only going to be important in the long run if you let it, Johnny.” Jaehyun reasons. “Yeah, sure, there’s shit you don’t know yet, but isn’t that part of the fun when you get in a relationship? I’m sure there’s things about you that they don’t know, especially Doyoung, and you guys have so much time to find out at your pace. You’re never going to be part of their memories together, the same way Doyoung is never going to be a part of your memories with Taeyong, but I guarantee you’ll be so busy creating new ones that it just won’t matter. At the end of the day, if you trust them not to make you feel left out, then you’re not going to be, Johnny.”

Johnny can recognize Jaehyun is right, but it’s still hard to accept that if he wants to make it work, he’d need patience, and recognizing things have their own pace. He’s already emotionally involved, and seeing where Doyoung and Taeyong are with each other, it’s natural that deep down all he wishes is to be able to skip ahead to that. 

“They’re already a huge part of each other’s lives, though.” Johnny finally adds, and his voice is surprisingly small. “Their parents know of their relationship, they have plans for the future. Where do I fit in that?”

“Dude, you need to stop thinking it’s all about you.”

Johnny looks offended at that, and Jaehyun cracks a laugh. “Hang on, let me finish. It’s just, you gotta stop talking like you’re the only one getting in a new relationship — they’re doing it too!” He exclaims, throwing a fry at Johnny. “Even if they’re already together, this is an entirely new thing. They _had_ plans for the future, the same way you did too, and if you guys are serious about each other you’ll find something new, for the three of you.”

Johnny exhales at that, a little sheepish. “Yeah, that’s true.”

“You’re too much in your own head man, and we all know there ain’t shit going on there.” Jaehyun jokes, getting a huff of laughter from Johnny as well. “But you gotta talk to them about this.”

“I know.” Johnny concedes. “But how do I even bring it up something like that.”

Jaehyun bites into his own burger and speaks with his mouth full. “By bringing it up.”

“Dude, gross.” Johnny deadpans, and Jaehyun only shrugs. “I can’t be the one to say something first, like, ‘ _Hey, so, when are you letting me in your relationship?_ ’. It’d be too much like I’m trying to insert myself into something I wasn’t invited to.” 

Jaehyun, thankfully, finishes his mouthful before he speaks this time. “First of all, I trust you can be a bit more smooth than that bro. Second of all, it’s not like they haven’t been giving you plenty of non-verbal signs they want you to get more involved.” 

“You don’t think it sounds pressupposing?”

“Maybe a few months ago, but not when you’re all already acting like you’re dating.” Jaehyun says. “This has been going on for too long, you can’t just keep waiting for them to take this step when arguably they’ve been the ones to reach out every other time.”

It’s true — in every step of the way, from that night when Taeyong first approached him down to the first time Doyoung texted him to come over, the couple has always been the one to shift the status quo. Johnny has always been too hesitant, too afraid to ask for more than he was allowed to long for. 

“But it’s a lot less of a risk to them, because they have each other and that’s not going to change. If this doesn’t work out for me, I— well, I don’t have either of them anymore.”

Jaehyun nods, a hint of understanding and sympathy when he looks at Johnny. “That’s true, it is a big risk for you. But would you be happy indefinitely with things as they are when you so obviously want more?”

Johnny feels his heart clench at that, and he realizes he’s already known the answer to that question for quite a long time. 

“No.” He says, honest. “I guess I wouldn’t.”

Jaehyun raises his soda at that, as if saying _‘there it is’_. It’s quiet for a bit as Jaehyun continues to eat, and Johnny is allowed to simmer in his thoughts for a while. He came in tonight trying to make sense of how his feelings, increasingly complicated, only to understand they were a lot less confusing than he thought — there’s no escaping or trying to reason himself out of desiring to be with them. 

It doesn’t make the less step less daunting, but he can see it now that there is no pushing it off either. It’s up to Johnny to be able to quell his insecurities for once, long enough to take a step in faith. 

“Thanks, dude.” Johnny finally says, reaching for his burger again now that he feels the slightly bit lighter. “I promise you won’t have to keep listening to me whining about this for much longer. Well, unless it all goes to shit, then you’ll probably hear a lot of it.”

“No worries men, that’s what friends are for.” He reaches across the table with his fist, which Johnny bumps, cracking a smile at the gesture. “And if it’s any consolation, I think it’ll be fine. You all fit together really well, in a weird, sort of chaotic way.”

“Yeah.” Johnny laughs, memories of two days ago when the three of them spent forty minutes trying to decide a restaurant to go to, only to pick a choice no one wanted and then bond over complaining about it later. “I think I know what you mean.”

It’s been two weeks since Johnny’s enlightening conversation with Jaehyun at the diner, and he still hasn't talked to Taeyong and Doyoung. 

To be fair, he tried — if by tried you also mean pumping yourself up to do it over and over, and chickening out at the last minute once the opportunity shows up. He tells himself (and Jaehyun) there hasn’t been a right moment yet, that it felt weird to spring up such a serious conversation on them out of nowhere, but he knows that’s just part of it; mostly, whenever they’re together and his mind is clinging to the comfort and love, he’s too much of a coward to risk it all. 

The longer he pushes it off, the more antsy he seems to grow though, and so he’s been preparing meticulously for tonight, where he won’t have any excuse not to pull through. It’s a simple plan when it comes down to it: two days ago, he invited the couple to have dinner at his place, and lightly suggested he wants to talk — this way, they won’t come expecting a booty call just to be surprised with what he has to say, and there’s a lower chance he’ll be able to back out of it. The choice of having it in his apartment is deliberate too; in the chance it goes horribly, at least he won’t have to drive home while sobbing at the wheel. 

A less thought out decision, however, was that instead of ordering ahead at their favorite Sushi place and calling it a day, Johnny just had to go the extra mile and decide he was going to make an attempt at cooking dinner. It was partly because Doyoung and Taeyong won’t stop calling him a bad cook (which is not true — he’s at least _decent_ ) and partly as a way to distract himself throughout the afternoon, but the “40 minutes” recipe his mother sent him is turning out to be more on the two hour mark, and he belatedly wishes he didn’t choose tonight of all nights to try and prove a point. 

(At least, fretting over the lamb being cooked through and whether or not he already added salt to sauce is keeping him from worrying over the impending possible rejection and heartbreak happening in less than an hour — so silver linings, really.)

When the lamb in the oven is almost at medium rare and all there’s left to do is cook the broccoli and potatoes, Johnny takes a shower and hopes nothing will go terribly wrong at the kitchen. It seems like his calculations were a little off though, because by the time he makes it back there’s only 15 minutes until the couple arrives and the lamb is definitely further than medium rare. 

“Well, at least it’s not burned.” He sighs, looking at the pan he just frantically pulled off the oven. “It’s all under control.”

Famous last words, he’ll curse himself later, because in the next five minutes or so he starts noticing things are most definitely not under control. Turns out he might’ve indeed added a little too much salt to the sauce, and looking at the broccoli he remembers he should’ve cut that ahead, too. The kitchen is a mess, and his plan to have the table set up for a romantic dinner before the couple arrived is slowly flying out the window as he comes to accept the fact there is no way he’ll be able to have it all done in time. 

That’s how Taeyong and Doyoung find him, standing in the kitchen slightly overwhelmed about how to salvage the situation and maybe just a little dejected at the bad omen this seems to be. They use Taeyong’s key to get in, shrugging off their coats and car keys next to the door, but once they realize what Johnny is doing they both look somewhere in between curious and bewildered. 

“Hey, are you actually cooking dinner for us?” Taeyong asks, something akin to wonder and harmless teasing in his voice. “Seriously, what’s the occasion?”

“Well, I’m trying to.” Johnny rubs at the back of his neck sheepishly, and leans down to accept Taeyong’s greeting kiss. “But I don’t think it’s going all that well.”

Taeyong is already shuffling away to smell and inspect the things in Johnny’s counter, and Doyoung approaches to get his own peck — a relatively recent development that doesn’t feel as out of place anymore. “The lamb looks pretty good though. What kind of sauce is that?”

“Sour cream,” Johnny sighs, but once Doyoung takes a spoon to give it a try he warns. “It’s pretty salty, though. I don’t know what to do about it.”

Doyoung’s face twists minimally once the taste kicks in, and Johnny smiles fondly at his effort. “Do you want some help? I can just put it back to boil with a piece of potato, and it’ll take away some of the salt.”

Johnny blinks, the solution something he never would’ve imagined by himself. He debates refusing the help, a tiny voice at the back of his head still stubborn over showing he can do it alone (especially around Doyoung), but the bigger part (the _growing_ part) recognizes it’s not worth it; there’s already so much for him to be stressed over about tonight, he would be dumb to make a simple dinner one more. “Yeah, that would be great. I just need to cut the broccoli so it can cook for a few minutes, but the rest of the dinner is practically done.”

“Look at you, all hubby material.” Taeyong teases, back hugging Johnny for a moment and giggling at his blushing neck. “I’m going to set the table, then.”

For the next ten minutes or so they work peacefully around Johnny’s kitchen, a choreographed image of domesticity as they reach for things and move around each other in familiarity. Johnny’s phone is still playing on shuffle in the background, John Mayer’s voice singing them through it, and they fill the empty space with light conversation about their day and other easy topics. 

Johnny’s heart squeezes a little, and he tries to swallow down the pressure in his throat. It’d be so, so easy for him to pretend this is enough, but how much harder would it really be for it to mean as much as he wants it to as well? 

Once they sit down to eat, Johnny watches with a little pride as both of them eat his dinner eagerly; he can’t tell if it’s just for his sake or if they actually think it’s that good, but personally, he’s pretty satisfied with his efforts. “So, will you guys stop saying I’m a terrible cook now?”

Doyoung chews on his lamb thoughtfully. “One dinner isn’t enough for me to know for sure, though. This could’ve been a fluke.”

“You just don’t want to admit someone else can cook between the three of us.” Johnny scoffs.

“Someone else can,” Doyoung agrees, grinning. “and it’s Taeyong.”

Taeyong laughs, reaching over to poke at Johnny’s cheek when the older begins to pout. “He’s just trying to rile you into cooking for him more.”

“Touché.” Doyoung shrugs. “I wanna pull some Taeyong and just lay around looking pretty while you both feed me.” 

Johnny can’t resist being cheeky. “Is that a food kink or something?”

“If it is, that’s where I’m drawing the line.” Taeyong interrupts, jumping in. “I’m not washing chocolate or whatever else stained sheets.”

“It’s more of a ‘I want to laze around’ kink.” Doyoung rolls his eyes. “Which both of you already have.”

Throughout all of their time together, Johnny has come to enjoy these moments the most: eating together, banter over shared pieces of food and offers to serve more wine. There’s a reason they stay at home so much instead of going out, and it goes beyond the weird looks they might get — with the stress and busy days, this is a small form of bliss, just spending the mundanity of each day with each other. 

If either Doyoung or Taeyong are thinking about what Johnny invited them over to talk about, they’re doing their best not to show it; this feels like any other night when they’re together. Johnny can’t decide whether that’s for better or worse; for one, he feels his nerves a little eased by their very particular brand of care — when Taeyong is reaching to play with the hair in Johnny’s nape and Doyoung keeps pushing more pieces of potato into Johnny’s plate, it’s hard to imagine either of them rejecting him — but on the other hand, he was kind of hoping they might pull the words out of him. 

Because he’s starting to feel like this might be another failed attempt at it. 

There’s all these opportunities, small lulls in conversations or moments where he feels really warm from affection, and he thinks ‘do it now, this is the right time’, but the words choke him out and become something else when he says it. Johnny’s getting increasingly frustrated, with the situation but mostly with himself — how can he expect to be in a committed relationship with two other people when basic communication seems like such a hurdle to him? 

Johnny tries not to let the drop to his mood reach his smile, but when Taeyong reaches under the table to lightly squeeze at his tight, he can tell the younger is attuned enough to his feelings to just know. He smiles brightly at Johnny when the older looks at him, questioningly, and it’s the perfect picture of easygoing, welcoming; a gesture meant to calm him even when Taeyong might not know what for. 

Johnny could say it now, he could, he wants to, he should…

“I’m going to get us some blankets.” Johnny says instead, choking slightly around his words. “To— go on the couch, and stuff.”

Both of them are quiet for a beat, and when Johnny’s eyes catch Doyoung’s, he thinks he sees something there — apprehension, perhaps a little worry. He doesn’t say anything though, only nodding and smiling lightly with his lips, and Taeyong pats Johnny’s thigh one last time. “Alright, me and Doie will clean this up since you took care of dinner.”

Johnny stares at the blankets in his wardrobe long enough that his eyes aren’t focusing on anything anymore. There’s a bitterness in his mouth, and he doesn’t know if it’s the wave of self-loathing or just the feeling of defeat starting to settle in. He debates calling Jaehyun, getting his best friend to psych him up, but he’s frankly too embarrassed to do so; he’s a grown man, he shouldn’t need to be coached through this. 

His hands reach for the blanket at the lowest shelf automatically, curling into it’s familiar fuzzy softness and letting it comfort him for a second. He’s reminded of when he first bought it, together with Taeyong who rubbed his cheek against every single option in the store, and of all the nights they’ve spent cuddled under it. He thinks back at how Doyoung complained about it being too small for three people when they all tried getting under it on the same couch, and how that simply became an excuse for the other two to cuddle him closer. 

It’s stupid to get emotional under a blanket, but it carries so many memories of the last year; some happier than others, though all special in their own ways. There are hundreds of objects like this around Johnny’s apartament, even more on the couple’s, and it’s pieces of a life they’ve been leading together, even through all the bumps and miscommunications. 

Johnny tries to imagine a future where all of these objects lose their meaning, and it stings so sharply at his chest he nearly loses his breath for a second. 

Johnny walks into the kitchen with hurried steps, afraid he’ll lose the bravado, afraid he’ll miss another moment lest it’s a moment too late. The couple is working silently through the dishes, but when all runs into the kitchen holding a blanket to his chest, Taeyong and Doyoung look at him curiously. 

“Are we dating?”

The question seems to stun them, if the way both of them freeze looking at him is any induction. Johnny doesn’t give them the chance for an answer though, rushing his own words to explain himself better, trying to gather at least a few of the words he so carefully rehearsed only to completely escape his mind in the nerves of the moment. 

“I mean— I know we’re not, but… should we? Are we going to, ever? Because it feels—” He stares fixated at one of the walls, too nervous to see their expressions. “It feels like sometimes we already are, and sometimes we aren’t, and I can’t keep doing it like that.”

Johnny feels a weight of his chest at having the words floating in the air between them, but it’s hardly noticeable around the bubble of anxiety when neither of them react immediately. He glances up then, and they’re sharing a look that Johnny can’t quite decipher before Taeyong puts the glass he was holding down.

“I guess it’s time we’ve had this conversation, huh.” He says softly, and Johnny feels a little relieved that he doesn’t appear too shocked, or horrified at the idea. “We should probably be seated down for this, though.”

Johnny nods, but there’s a few seconds delay before he moves towards the living room, trying to calm himself down on the way — he’s been waiting for this for a long time, and he wants to do it right. Doyoung and Taeyong follow behind quietly, but when Johnny settles at one edge of the couch, there’s a moment of hesitation from the two of them; Johnny tries not to read too much into it, ignore the spike in his chest from how on edge he feels, but he still thinks it’s noticeable that he relaxes when Doyoung sits down next to him, Taeyong on the other end. 

Johnny’s fingers playing nervously with the blanket on his lap is the only nervous tick he allows himself to show; he doesn’t want them to be hesitant to share their honest feelings just because they’re afraid of his reaction, or of him getting hurt. Looking at Doyoung sitting right next to him, he can tell the younger is equally agitated, and the fact that he can’t tell if it’s a good sign or not doesn’t help his anxiety to have them say something already. 

He’s not surprised that Taeyong is the one who first speaks. In a situation like this, it’s starkling clear how much further along in terms of communication and emotional maturity he is compared to the two of them; Johnny can’t imagine he doesn’t feel at least a little apprehensive about this, but when he speaks, his voice is calm, warm. “Johnny, are you telling us you want to date us? For the three of us to be boyfriends?”

There are butterflies in Johnny’s stomach from hearing Taeyong say the word “boyfriends” referring to the three of them, and it’s such an innocent moment amidst the tension that Johnny can’t help but hold it dear to his chest. “Yeah, I do.”

“Can I ask for how long?” Taeyong says. 

Johnny lets out a humorless chuckle at that. “Consciously? A few weeks, I think. Deep down though, I think I’ve wanted it for a long time — I was just scared of it, because it never felt like something I could want. But then _you_ happened, ” He glances at Doyoung, who’s watching him attentively now. “and especially after we stopped going at each other’s throat… I think it got a little too close to heart for me to ignore.”

Having Doyoung seated down right next to him, Johnny can watch as the back of his neck and ears slowly become flushed red, and he reaches over to pull lightly at his lobe without thinking about it. Doyoung startles a little in surprise, but doesn’t pull away from the small gesture, and Johnny starts letting something like hope take a timid place inside. 

“I just want to know if there’s any way you guys see me like that,” Johnny adds. “It’s alright if you don't, I’ll survive it, so don’t feel pressured. I know it’s not… what you signed up for.”

Taeyong laughs at that, but it’s a short little thing, surprised. When Johnny looks at him, the younger seems to be gathering his words; the look in his eyes, however, are a lovely hint at what they might be. The hope grows. 

“It’s true, I didn’t sign up for that. But I also didn’t sign up for falling in love with you, and I did so maybe two months after we started going out, and I have never regretted it for a day since.” Taeyong says, Johnny’s breath stuttering at the honest words. “I might’ve felt guilty about it, torned up back when you and Doyoung couldn’t look at each other, but I’ve never wished for these feelings to go away. They’re precious to me, like a present better than what I could’ve imagined, and so to ask if I see you like that… Johnny, I’ve seen you like that everyday for nearly a year now.”

Taeyong interrupts himself for a second, and when he stares up at the ceiling, Johnny realizes he’s trying to hold back tears; his voice is choked up when he continues to speak. “I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve dreamed of it, of calling you my boyfriend and being able to know you are mine, for real. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you before, or that I’ve ever made you feel like I didn’t see you as something that could be more for me — I just knew that back then, it would’ve never worked, so I kept it to myself because I didn’t want to hurt you, or me or Doie.”

The words hit Johnny like punches, and they all come too close to home, to the reasons Johnny was never able to tell Taeyong he loved him back, to why he always kept his feelings so close to his chest. He reaches across the couch, taking Taeyong’s hand in his as Doyoung reaches to wipe a few of his boyfriend’s tears. 

“I— I understand Yongie, please don’t say sorry. I’ve never been able to tell you this before, because I thought it’d hurt too much to say it and know it wouldn’t change anything, but you know I love you, right? You are the first person I can truly say I’ve ever loved.”

Taeyong chuckles wetly at that, nodding. “I know. But thank you for telling me.”

Johnny asks, hesitating. “Do you think it could work, now?”

Taeyong looks at Doyoung, then, and takes the younger’s hand that had been cupping at his cheek to place a kiss on the back of his palm. “Yes, I do.”

The hope in Johnny’s chest is growing so quickly now, he has to make a conscientious effort to tune it down. He looks at Doyoung too, watches the olders face somewhere in between thoughtful and anxious, and Johnny knows that in a way, this is the hardest part of it. He already knew Taeyong loved him, and even if there was a chance that wouldn’t translate into the older’s desire for a relationship with him, it was slim compared to Doyoung (who’s only really stopped hating Johnny in the last few months) wanting it too. 

Doyoung stares so intently at the TV, for a moment Johnny thinks he’s going to speak like that; in a way, he might’ve preferred it, because when Doyoung turns around to look at him instead his eyes carry a weight that makes Johnny’s heart stutter a bit. 

“I knew Taeyong fell for you pretty soon after he knew it himself,” His voice is sincere and deliberate when he speaks, no space for the familiar teasing lilt to his words. “And before he told me, if I’m being honest. I could tell, from the way he spoke about you to the way his eyes were shining after you dropped him home. He asked me what I thought about it, if it made me uncomfortable, and I knew he was scared I would say yes because he didn’t want to let go of those feelings — he might’ve, for me, but he didn’t want to, and I wouldn’t make him.”

“I don’t think I was ever jealous, but it was weird getting used to, and I guess I didn’t understand it. I got why he was attracted to you, because I was too, but I never got to know the Johnny he fell for — the more he spoke about you like you hung the stars or something, the more curious I became I guess. I think I only ever really understood it after we started sleeping together, and well—” He hints at a grin, amused at himself. “I hated that I started falling for it, too.”

“I wanted to hate you, because that was all I knew when it came to you, and because you were legitimately infuriating at work. But I ended up hating that you made me laugh so much, and that you were so good in bed, and that you ate all my food like it was the best thing you’ve ever tried. You continue to be annoying, but you know just where to poke at not to make me truly mad, and I guess it reminded me of why I fell for Taeyong, too.”

Johnny listens to every word like puzzle pieces falling together, small moments he alway wondered about, things he never thought he would understand about the mess their relationship became. Unlike Johnny, who’s plainly constipated and too proud to be open about his feelings, Doyoung is more so the type to keep things close to his chest, analyzing. The fact that he’s sharing all of this now means he wants Johnny to fully understand his position, and the older desperately _hopes_.

“I guess this was a long winded way to preface that while I do not love you, Johnny,” He says, genuine. “I think given time, I will. I can’t promise it’ll be as fast, or as easy as it was with Taeyong, but I don’t expect that from you either. There’s still so much about me that you need to learn about, and there’s a lot you haven’t shared with me either, and— I think the easiest way to say it is that I do think this to work. But I don’t want us to rush into it, because I really think me and you deserve to have our own pace, too.” 

Johnny is reminded of Jaehyun’s words to him, and about having patience. He’s been struggling with his for a while, a hard pill to swallow among his own eagerness to a happy ending, but somehow, Doyoung’s eyes looking at him with so much expectation and vulnerability make the words look a lot less daunting to him. 

He wants to fall for Doyoung, too. It’s only fair to allow himself time to. 

“I will, too.” Johnny says, and he has to clear his throat before continuing. “Fall in love with you, I mean. And I don’t mind if we go slow but — I really, really want us to be boyfriends, committed. I don’t want it to become another in between because I’m tired of those.”

“We’re already committed to you, Johnny.” Taeyong says. “I think you should know, but me and Doyoung decided to stop sleeping with other people over a month ago now — and it was a formality, because I’ve never slept with anyone but you and he stopped sleeping casually with other people when he started sleeping with you, too — but I just didn’t feel right anymore, not when we wanted something else.”

That surprises Johnny. “You guys talked about dating me, before?”

“Oh, a lot.” Doyoung chuckles, taking Johnny’s free hand. “We wanted to ask you ever since that time when we both slept here. But we thought it might pressure you, so we decided to wait so that you approached us instead, if you felt comfortable and wanted it.”

“It wasn’t that I didn’t feel comfortable before.” Johnny explains himself. “But I spent such a long time worrying about never overstepping, it was really hard for me even if I had a guess you both had feelings for me as well.” 

Doyoung nods, thoughtful. “I guess we didn’t consider that it would’ve felt different for you, but for us, there wasn’t really a line to cross, not anymore. We would’ve never thought of it as overstepping because to us, you're already a part of our relationship Johnny.”

 _Oh_ , Johnny thinks, and then he verbalizes it, dumb with the whirlwind of feelings building in his chest. "Oh. That's... yeah."

As the words settle between the three of them, Johnny thinks quietly to himself that he has never felt so blissful in his entire life. It’s a different brand of happiness, one that makes his entire body relax after being so tense with anxiety, and one that makes him feel like there is nothing that could reach him now, or burst his bubble. There’s still so much they need to talk about, stuff they’ll have to work through together, but right now — right now, all Johnny wants is to kiss them. So he does. 

He kisses Doyoung first, because he’s closer, and the squeaky sound the younger makes against his lips is just another thing to add to the growing list of things making Johnny’s insides feel like a shaken fizzy drink. There’s nothing special about it, nothing different from any other time they’ve kissed, but Johnny is sappy enough to think, ‘ _this feels like a first time_ ’. When he pulls away, still brushing his lips against the corner of Doyoung’s mouth that started to smile, he notices that Taeyong has come a lot closer now. He doesn’t even blink before his hand reaches up, cupping those adorable cheeks and looking at his bright, huge eyes for just one second before he kisses him too. 

Johnny doesn’t even have time to wax poetry about it this time around, because Taeyong stars to giggle against his lips; small at first, but so intense at one point Johnny can’t possibly kiss his anymore. He pulls away, confused but so fondly amused. “What?”

“Sorry, I just—” Taeyong tries, and then giggles again. “You’re my _boyfriends_ now. My two beautiful, perfect, dumbass boyfriends. _Boyfriends_.”

Johnny thinks he’ll melt in the spot. “So it’s official, then?”

Taeyong’s giggle interrupts. “Is it _not_?”

“Calm down, I think it’s official.” Doyoung interrupts, though he’s grinning as well. “Boyfriends, plural, you can giggle away.”

“Two hands to hold and two dicks to suck…” Taeyong sighs wistfully, settling himself in Doyoung’s lap so that he can lay his head on Johnny's shoulder. “I wonder who do I have to thank for this.”

Johnny laughs as he cards his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair, revelling in how Doyoung leans into it, relaxed. “Jaehyun, probably. He was the one who knocked some sense into my head.”

Doyoung makes a face, snorting. “God, please don’t, Taeyong. Can you imagine how smug he’ll be?”

“He’s never smug with me,” Taeyong grins, cheeky and with gleaming eyes. “But perhaps I can be dissuaded…”

The other two share one look before laughing at their boyfriend, the attempt of seduction dropping a lot less smoothly than he might’ve hoped. “Very sutil, Taeyong.”

Taeyong huffs, rolling his eyes. “I don’t it to be _sutil_ , I need you two to carry me over to the bedroom and fuck me through tomorrow. You know, to celebrate.”

“Celebrate,” Johnny repeats, shaking his head. “your two hands and two dicks?”

“Technically it should be _four_ hands—”

“Yes, of course.” Taeyong interrupts Doyoung. “And our new relationship and bla bla bla.”

Doyoung sighs, but the way he sits up straighter to have one of his arms around Taeyong’s waist shows he’s not _really_ displeased. His other hand is already on Johnny’s thigh, and it’s quite ridiculous for Johnny to feel giddy at the way they’re all touching each other right now and yet, he very much does. 

“Can you believe,” Doyoung looks at Johnny. “That Taeyong’s long game to have two people to spoil him like the brat he is actually worked?”

“I already had two people to spoil me,” Taeyong giggles. “But now, I’ll have it for the rest of our life.”

Johnny laughs along, happy and in love but feeling that deep down, he’s the one who got lucky beyond measure. "That's quite the deal, I think."

"I know," Taeyong sighs happily. "But I already have an idea of how to show my appreciation for it."

They spend a long time like that, kissing and giggling on Johnny's too small couch like they're a bunch of teenagers, full on laughing once Taeyong tries to put his entire weight on Doyoung's knees and ends up falling backwards onto the rug instead, almost taking his boyfriend's bottom lip with him. It's already late into the night when they make their way to the bedroom, and Taeyong stumbles around like he's inhebriated just from laughing at Johnny carrying Doyoung over his shoulders, ignoring the younger's protests just to get a rise out of him. When they fall into the sheets, it's sloppy and playful in all the right ways, making an uncordinated symphony of sounds that have the neighbors banging on the walls, only to be drawn out by another scream. 

It's chaotic, but it's _theirs._  
  
A few of Taeyong's words ring in Johnny's mind, a good omen of a future he's starting to let himself dream of, now. 

_The rest of our life._

Johnny rather likes the sound of that. 

(Sometimes, Johnny lets himself watch. 

Tonight, he watches as Doyoung falls into bed first, after changing the sheets and claiming his favorite side. He watches Taeyong nag him about putting on socks, arguing he’ll get sick with the chilly weather at night, and then attempts to force a pair onto his feet despite half-hearted complaints. 

Johnny pulls Taeyong to bed himself, before he starts fussing about yet another thing, and watches as the younger clings to him like a koala, almost getting smushed into the mattress when the Johnny has to reach over him to turn the lamp off. He doesn’t see when Doyoung puts his arms around his waist, pulling Johnny into his chest and placing a soft kiss at his shoulder, but he feels it just the same. 

He lets himself watch up until his eyeslids are heavy and he's nearly falling asleep, but it’s all different now.

To heal a wound, you need to spot picking at it. Johnny tries to look for it, but there is no more itch. 

It will heal.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wondered a lot how to finish this off, and this chapter in itself changed quite a bit in between drafts. i initially wanted something a lot more chaotic, and i'm sorry if for some of you it might've been anti-climatic, but the longer i thought about each of this characters and what would it take to make their relationship work, i realized this is what they needed: a long conversation. communication means a lot in every relationship, poly specially, and while they still got a long ways to go, i like to think johndotae will lean as they roll. 
> 
> that said, thank you so much for everyone who read this. this fic has been a project i wanted to write for the longest time, and it deals with themes that are very close to my heart, so to receive so much love from your guys for it makes me feel beyond happy. i loved every single comment, twitter message and cucat that i've received, and i hope you guys learned to love this little chaos trio as much as i did. there's so much about them still on my mind, small tidbids that never made it onto the actual story, and while i don't see myself writing a sequel, i might end up dropping a few eventually on my twitter. 
> 
> a special thanks to ane, sarah and gabi, for being my absolute cheerleaders (and managers) when it came to writing this. i love you so, so much ( ´ ▽ ` ).｡ｏ♡
> 
> one last time, feel free to comment down below, or talk to me on my sns. take care everyone, and i'll see you next time. 
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/seokuns)  
> [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/johnkun)

**Author's Note:**

> if you're enjoyed it, please leave me a comment! (♡°▽°♡) or reach me in my social media
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/seokuns)  
> [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/johnkun)


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